The Last Wedding of 2017
Home free for the year! The Last Wedding of 2017 is over, and I think we can all breathe a collective sigh of relief that I don’t need to find another “formal but not black tie” dress to wear. Oh, just me? Ok fine, I’m relieved. Don’t get me wrong, I had one of my most fun nights of the year last Saturday, but I am happy to be finished with travel. JK I am actually writing this from 34,951 feet, according to the television screen in front of me. Anyway, more on this next trip another time, but at least I am done with wedding travel.
I have a trouble saying no. Perhaps this is why I have been to so many weddings. But this last one, I had to say yes, because I knew both the bride and groom, it was the FIRST of my New York friends to get married, and most importantly, it was local. As in, it was in the tri-state area. As in, I did not need to get on an airplane to get there. I did, however, need to figure out how to get to Point Pleasant, NJ, which proved more difficult than I originally thought. There was a lot of NJ Transit time tables and googling to be done, and Uber-estimates to be made, and logistical text messages to be sent. We decided to take a train to Long Branch, and then split a 40-minute Uber with another friend who met us on the train in Newark.
When I first received the wedding invitation, I booked a hotel room, but ultimately, I decided that spending money on a hotel for a “local” wedding would defeat the purpose. We planned to take the last train home at 11:38 pm, which was set to arrive back in New York City at 2:07 am. WOOF.
Who it “we?” Well, of course it’s emoji-bf and me! It’s a real shame that his face turned out yellow in all of the photos, he looked absolutely smashing! We rocked that photobooth.
And did I mention that I created the hashtag?! #NoFomoForComo. I’m a poet and I know it. (Remember when I wrote a whole poem for the Pub Crawl?)
The wedding was held at Clark’s Landing Yacht Club, which is a stunning venue. Luckily, we got there just as the sun was setting so I got to enjoy the marina views and snagged a few photos of the bride and groom, while the bride was changing into her sneakers after their photographer was done, and she was scurrying inside because it was 28 degrees and she was wearing a strapless gown. Hopefully they can photoshop out goosebumps.
The ceremony was short and sweet. My friend I rendez-vous-ed with on the train had only ever been to Indian weddings before, and he was FLOORED by how quick the ceremony was at a “white person wedding.” His words, not mine. From the procession to the kiss, it was 20 minutes. I loved the bridesmaids’ dresses, which is incredibly rare. All other brides-to-be… take note: they were navy, lace, knee-length, flattering, and could totally be worn again.
I know this may sound incredibly sappy and so un-longlegsbigcity, but the sweetest part of the wedding was watching the bride and groom kiss! They had been together for 11 years by Saturday, and they were already dating for 8 years when I met them, playing NYC Social Volleyball. I played an entire season with them before I knew they were in a relationship. I don’t say this in a bad way; they are so comfortable with each other, and they clearly are best friends, but I had no idea they were a romantic item! I later, obviously, learned this. Anyway, Saturday was extra special because I got to see them dancing together and acting like an adorable newlywed couple. Also, although there were upwards of 200 guests, they seemed to be having a BLAST. They were both on the dance floor the entire time, partying with the guests, instead of the typical meet-n-greet, boring, table-pictures mingling. It was a true celebration.
I would be remiss if I did not mention the cocktail-hour-to-end-all-cocktail-hours. This thing was IMPRESSIVE. I entered the hall to find a sushi chef fresh rolling sushi, with an accompanying 6 different kinds of sake. There was a guy specifically stationed to explain the sake and serve it with your sushi. Then I turned to the left and I saw an ice sculpture with the couple’s names on it, and an ice luge inside it specifically for martinis. It was like the super classy version of a beer bong. There were tables all around the room, on multiple tiers, with themed food stations. There was a pizza station, a middle eastern station (fresh shawarma, hummus, babaghanoush, olives), a wine and cheese station (more than 20 bottles of wine), a mashed potato bar (5 different kinds of potatoes, innumerable toppings), steak carving station, sausage carving station (6 different kinds), seafood station (two kinds of calarmari, oysters, shrimp) etc. It took all of the restraint I had in my body to remind myself to stop eating because A. there was still going to be dinner, B. I did not want to vomit on the dance floor and (most importantly?) C. I’d never get drunk if I had too much food in my stomach!
I know what you’re wondering – did I manage to stick to all of my “top tips for professional wedding guest success?” YES! Well, mostly.
- Never agree to be a bridesmaid: CHECK! I wasn’t asked. But still.
- Find the open bar ASAP. HELLO?! Obvi.
- Learn the bartender’s name: Hell yes. Dok, emoji-bf was lucky he was there to chaperone me because you had my heart at “Moscow Mule.”
- 2 drinks on the table before toasts: As soon as I saw those copper mugs, I had a Moscow mule in each hand for the rest of the reception.
- Photobooth? Hell yes. So many props!
- Selfies? Duh.
- Flip Flops? No, because it was 28 degrees, but I did bring sneakers! They are featured in many of my photobooth pics.
- Borrow a dress: No, but I did get mine at TJ Maxx! $39.99 baby.
- Registry Gift or cash: The registry didn’t have much left but that is because I didn’t have my sh*t together until the last minute. Cash worked.
Overall, the Last Wedding of 2017 was a smashing success. They gave us zeppole as we left, so I had a snack while we waited for the train back to New York. And you will all be happy to hear that the morning of the wedding, I received an email with Save the Date and wedding website information for a wedding in August of 2018! No one else better get engaged this holiday season. And if they do, whose dress am I borrowing??
Down The Shore
On Saturday, I took my emoji-faced boyfriend on a day trip adventure “down the shore” i.e. to the beach in New Jersey. This term is well-known in the northeast, and even the New York Times recognizes it as a thing. Other terms like Bennies and Shoebies are less well known, but well-documented. We were gone for 16 hours, and we returned with memories of Wawa Hoagiefest, full bellies of fresh clams (both of us), very sunburned legs (mostly just me), and salt in our hair.
Our adventure started at 8 am. During the summer, there are select NJ Transit express trains to Bay Head on Saturday mornings, so we wanted to make sure we got on the 9:01 am train! We had to first stop at the bodega, because you know what they say, “never leave home without a bodega sausage egg and cheese.” #DietStartsThisWeek. After the bodega, we got to the subway to find out that the next train was not coming for 14 minutes. SURPRISE SURPRISE, foiled by the MTA’s “constant service” yet again. We hopped into a cab and made it to Penn Station with plenty of time. The NJ transit was surprisingly reliable compared to the MTA, and we arrived on time!
I haven’t told you the reason for this adventure, but here we go: Wawa towel delivery. Yes, you read that correctly. I dragged my boyfriend on a $30/person train ride down the shore to hand-deliver a Wawa Hoagiefest towel. It was THAT important!!
Backstory: My dad works at Wawa, and before he started working there, he heard they had a cult-like following. However, he had no idea the extent of it. Sure enough, as soon as he started to tell people that he worked for Wawa, their first response, WITHOUT FAIL was “OH MY GOD I LOVE WAWA!” My dad soon realized that he had access to some great perks, like employee benefit drives selling Wawa paraphernalia! As soon as word spread to my friends, they were asking for things left and right. I now have friends in Ft. Lauderdale, FL, Las Vegas, NV, Burbank, CA, and Chadwick Beach, NJ who wait on the edge of their seats for the yearly fundraising drive items. This year, we were lucky enough to have the holiday sale AND an extra Hoagiefest towel sale to benefit Associates in Need.
Rewind 33 Years and Fast Forward to Last Saturday: One of my sister’s friends, Sara, from nursery school 33 years ago, grew up going to the Jersey shore and she has been obsessed with Wawa ever since, a shore staple. She even celebrated her 21st birthday with a 1 am Wawa trip! Needless to say, she needed a Wawa towel. I was happy to be the messenger and hand-deliver the precious cargo, and make a day out of it! Sara picked us up from the train station and our first stop was, OF COURSE, WAWA. We picked up $4.99 hoagies and to my chagrin, they were selling the very towels I came to deliver RIGHT IN THE STORE! WOOPS. I was disappointed, but hey, at least the one I was toting was for a good cause! Also, I got a day at the beach and I got to visit with old friends.
Sara’s husband, Dave, was already at the beach holding down the fort with their almost-3-year-old daughter, Lyra, and he didn’t mind waiting, since we came bearing hoagies and Wawa Iced Tea (absolute necessity at the beach; Half and Half, diet). We brought 2 liters. We settled in, and then Sara and I went for a swim while Lyra had a snack. Sara and I started chatting with two guys in the ocean and they told us that sting rays were out in full force. We spent 30 minutes chasing waves and we finally saw a huge sting ray in one of the waves! It was amazing, in a #CrocodileHunter way. #RIP. No photos, unfortunately
We headed back to our chairs, put Lyra down for a nap, and cracked open a couple of beers. Perfect day, except I forgot one crucial accessory: SUNSCREEN! I’m not used to being prepared for the beach with chairs etc. When I was in high school, we just pulled up to the beach with a towel I mostly stayed laying on my stomach, usually hungover from the night prior. Now as a full-grown 30-year old, lounging on chairs, I totally forgot to use sunscreen on my stomach and legs!! #HelpMeCoppertone I remembered my shoulders and face, but as you can see (below), my legs turned lobster-red. Oops. Around 4 pm, we were evacuated from the beach due to lightning spotted nearby, and we moved to Sara’s family’s shore house, where we lounged on the deck, ate happy hour snacks, and drank refreshing Portuguese white wine. Lyra helped me put lotion and aloe on, while commenting on how pink my legs were. #NoSh*tSherlock #KidsHaveNoFilter.
Soon enough, the storm caught up to us, so we moved inside, I took a quick shower so I could reapply aloe and protect my poor red legs, and then I had a Duplo-building party with Lyra. Why are large Legos so much more fun than the regular-sized ones? So much less stressful. Also, almost-3-year-olds’ structures are easier to build than the elaborate sets my brother used to make me help with. Soon enough, it was time to sit down to dinner beginning with amazing fresh clams that Sara’s dad Ray had found the day prior. We ate them raw with cocktail sauce and hot sauce. Check out this boomerang of me shooting it.
Sara’s mom, Olga, is an amazing cook. She apologized profusely for “only” cooking what was left in fridge. Well let me tell you, I have never cooked such a great meal even with much preparation! There was fresh corn on the cob, steak, tomato salad, sautéed escarole, and roasted potatoes. YUM! What a great end to our day! I love when I don’t have to cook!
Emoji-Bf and I said goodnight to Lyra and headed back to the train. Unfortunately, there were no express trains and we were a bit delayed, but we eventually got back to NYC. It was pouring rain when we got back to the city and there was not an empty cab in sight. Luckily, I had my sunburned and aching legs with me to remind me of our amazing sun-filled day. Three days later, my legs have faded to light pink, and I already can’t wait to go back (assuming I’m invited)! I will need to stock up on some more Wawa swag to make sure I am needed.