Wedding – LongLegsBigCity

I Do or I Do Not – Should You Have a Destination Wedding?

July 5, 2022 1 Comment

One of the first questions I get about our wedding is why we chose to have it in Cabo, and why we wanted a destination wedding in general. We chose Cabo because there were direct flights from New York, it was a bit different and more romantic than Cancun, and because the resort answered my email quickly and they had our requested weekend available. Our initial choice was Ixtapa, on the Pacific coast of Mexico, but the resort ghosted me for a month after our initial 2 emails.

As for why we chose to have a destination wedding, the honest answer is that we didn’t necessarily want a destination wedding, and Chris was really on the fence. But after weighing the pros and cons, it seemed like the only logical choice and, as Chris will get used to in our marriage, I was right. He even admitted it! If you are considering a destination wedding, my advice would be: DO IT. You’ll see from the grossly uneven list below that it is the correct choice.

Pros:

Why Not?: At this point in my life (mid-30’s – yikes!), almost everyone has moved away from “home.” That means every wedding is a “destination” wedding in terms of having to pay for a flight and a hotel. So why not make it a vacation, too? I have only been to one wedding in my life that did not require a hotel stay, and a handful that didn’t require a flight. And I have been to a LOT of weddings. The flight + hotel for my wedding in Cabo was honestly less expensive than many other weddings I have attended in Cleveland, Bozeman, and Las Vegas. And all of the food and drinks and entertainment were included! There were things to do during the day, like aqua aerobics, trivia in the pool, and line dancing on beach, and there were activities at night like live music, and foam parties at the club. And of course, lots of drinking.

Budget: Destination weddings are CHEAP! Relative to having a wedding in the United States, especially in a city, a destination wedding is a fraction of the cost. Labor is cheaper in Mexico, but also, having everything in one place meant we did not need to think about bringing in vendors like catering, table and chairs rentals, and of course the dreaded transportation costs. None of that was needed and it was all on-site.

Wedding Planner Included: This is related to budget, but when we were thinking about planning a wedding, it was extremely overwhelming. We both have full time jobs and adding a new title of “party planner” to my resume was not something I had the energy to do. Also, since we knew we were going to get married outside of New York City, we would need help finding vendors in that place and a wedding planner would need to make those connections for us. For that reason, we knew we would need a wedding planner, and not just a day-of coordinator. We realized we were going to be spending ~$8K-$10K on a planner at a minimum. At all-inclusive resorts, the planner is part of the package.

Where do we want to get married?: Most couples nowadays meet online, or meet in a city that is neither of their hometowns. Historically, a wedding takes place where the bride grew up, but my parents don’t live where I grew up anymore and I have no more ties to Florida, nor would we have anywhere to stay while we looked at venues. Chris and I didn’t have a single place in common besides New York City, where venues start at $15,000 just for the space. Since we didn’t have a place we really wanted to get married anyway, we decided to pick somewhere beautiful.

Scenery: When I was planning our wedding, I said to my friends that we were not paying for any extras they offered, like special plates or tablecloths or paper lantern lighting. I joked and said the beach was the decoration, but you know what? It was. It was GORGEOUS. I showed my friends the photo below and one of them said it looked fake, another said it looked like a magazine. The background of every photo is stunning. At zero additional cost!

They know their sh*t: Perhaps that wasn’t the most eloquent wording but it’s true. These resorts produce weddings like a well-oiled machine. They know what they are doing because they do it every day. Things run smoothly, on time, flowers are where they are supposed to be, there are contingency plans in place, and it is easy. We planned our entire wedding with about 30 emails back and forth. We booked our florist by email (the one they recommended) and we used their DJ. We filled out a music questionnaire by email. We filled out our cake order online. Everything was done in a few quick spreadsheets and it came to life seamlessly. We met with the wedding planner 2 days before the wedding and reviewed all of the details. She assured us she knew what she was doing, and it went perfectly. Also, there’s a huge benefit to working with vendors who know the venue like the back of their hand. Our photographer knew every spot in the resort where photos would look amazing. The one of me below was the outside of the Indian restaurant. And that random window and hallway shot… none of those could have been done without a skilled photographer who knew the space. There was even a wedding 2 hours after us, and we met the other couple in the pool the day before. We ran into them while we were both taking photos and snapped one with them. It was so fun to have another couple experiencing it with us.

Our buddies, the other bride and groom (also named Chris!)

Spending quality time with everyone: This is by far the biggest positive of having a destination wedding. My main gripe with spending a lot of money to travel to weddings is when I don’t even get to see the couple. This has happened to me a few times, where I fly somewhere, get a hotel room, and I’m not even in the bridal party so I don’t go to the rehearsal dinner. I just show up at the wedding, see the couple when they walk around to greet each table, and I also dance with them on the dance floor for 5-10 minutes. Then I fly home and send a gift. It’s the worst and I always go home feeling like I wasted my money and time. When you have a destination wedding, it’s like going on a family reunion/friends vacation. You have DAYS to hang out with everyone at the pool, have breakfast and coffee, do shots at the foam party, and pretend to do aqua aerobics while sipping pina coladas. The best part is there is zero pressure to chat with everyone at the reception and greet each table, because you’ve already been spending days with them. It’s a win-win, and you can go home feeling like you had quality time with each of your guests. I left Mexico feeling closer to the people I already knew, and feeling like I forged real relationships with those I had just met.

Cons:

I warned you up top that there are very few negatives to having a destination wedding, but after racking my brain, I could only think of 4, and you will see below that I don’t even truly believe all of them.

Not everyone will be able to attend: If you want a huge wedding with everyone in your family in attendance, then you should not have a destination wedding. Having a wedding outside of the country does require a passport, so you will be cutting out some of your guest list by having a wedding abroad. However, as I mentioned above, every wedding will have a cost for guests unless you live in the same place where you grew up, so there will always be some people who cannot attend.
You do not want your guests to spend a lot of money: Again, I don’t truly believe this is possible and there are ways around this. For example, we told our guests they did not need to give gifts because we knew they were spending a lot of money to come. We also paid for some of our close family’s hotel rooms if we knew they couldn’t otherwise afford to come. Personally, the Cabo wedding was not even the most expensive one I went to this year!
You have a family with food issues/special requirements: All-inclusive resorts are nice because they have unlimited food available at all times. They also usually have a lot of different kinds of food. But if you have family with food requirements, like if they are vegetarian, vegan, kosher, etc, it may be difficult for them to find food. For a normal wedding, you only need to worry about one meal for them. At a destination wedding, you have DAYS of meals and with limited options, it can be repetitive and non-nutritious for those family members.
You want a SUPER UNIQUE wedding: It’s true, most resorts are “wedding machines.” This means there will be many other brides and grooms out there who had a similar experience to you. As I mentioned, there was another couple who got married on the same exact day as us! However, this also means that things are well-planned and run smoothly. Also, if I’m honest, I’ve been to around 30 weddings and I’m sure the couple always thinks they are unique – they are not. A wedding is a wedding. It may be an expensive wedding, but it will not be as different as you think it is. Sure, there’s an ice sculpture or a chuppah draped in flowers, but at the end of the day, it’s a party.

As you can see, I think the pros extremely outweigh the cons, but I’m interested to hear your thoughts. Have you been to a destination wedding? Do you think it was better or worse than a regular wedding? Did it cost you more money?

Wedding

Wedding Tips & Tricks

June 14, 2022 No Comments

I promised you another installment of wedding content and this one may be the most important one. If you’ve been following me for a while, you know that I have been a wedding guest A LOT. I’m a pro. But now I’ve also been the bride and I have picked up a lot of tips and tricks along the way.

My first tip: Have a glam team. I know not everyone is like me, but hair is IMPORTANT. Having bad wedding hair is listed as a regret on every single Betches Brides Wedding podcast episode. As you know, I flew in Alli from @playbraids to do my hair for my wedding. This was by far the best decision I made, aside from picking the husband. Not only did it make it easy because she was able to do multiple looks on multiple days, but she was friendly and fun for all of my friends to hang out with (and me, of course!). And most importantly, it took away a HUGE piece of wedding stress for me. The less stress, the better. I felt pressured to have amazing hair, and Alli understood the assignment. She was a huge trooper, helped me film multiple tiktoks, styled my mom’s hair and my best friend’s, and put up with/loved the Cardi B and Megan Thee Stallion vibes. There’s this amazing video she took while the photographer was taking serious portraits of me, and you can hear WAP blasting in the background. Special bonus, my family also fell in love with her, and my mom announced that she’s another honorary daughter of hers now. Almost every person who has seen photos of the wedding has commented on my amazing hair. #WORTHEVERYPENNY

Casual Photoshoot and Rehearsal Dinner Hair

Here’s a tip for your guest list: keep it small. Some people with large families don’t have this option, but I recommend it. With this pandemic becoming a part of our everyday lives, the trend of “micro-weddings” has continued and I couldn’t love it more. We ended up with 51 guests (and a wedding crasher, more on that later) and it was the perfect amount to feel like we had close friends and family, a full dance floor, and people all over the resort. In fact, the morning of the wedding I was trying not to run into anyone, but sure enough I ran into one of Chris’s best friends at the coffee shop. It felt intimate and small, but also like we were surrounded by everyone in our lives.

Regarding toasts and hand-written vows: do them. Both. First the toasts. Choose these people wisely. No one wants to be bored while they are trapped at their tables and far from the bar. Choose entertaining people who will also have unique perspectives on the bride and groom. You don’t want 8 friends all talking about the same things. Chris’s dad told a story I had never heard before about him as a kid. And it was so fun to hear about his childhood from his siblings. For my side, I had one speech from my family (a poem – so funny) and one from my best friend (also hysterical, I cried and laughed). Having different types of people (siblings, parents, friends) makes for different types of speeches and keeps things interesting. Our speeches went a little long, but I think everyone enjoyed them, although I may be biased.

As for vows, I know it can be time-consuming and stressful to add this on top of other wedding planning, but it’s worth it. I understand that not every person enjoys speaking in front of a crowd, but if you pretend it’s just you and your future spouse, it makes it easier. Almost everyone at our wedding knew one of us well since it was a small guest list, and it still made the wedding an engaging experience to include our guests in our love and reasons for choosing to be with this person for life. The day after the ceremony, I had one couple (who is getting married this weekend!) tell me that they planned to read their vows to each other in private, but they were reconsidering because it felt so special to hear ours. Also, the practice of writing your own vows is so special. It forces you to think of when you knew they were your person and what you love and cherish about them. The whole point of inviting people to celebrate with you in your love is to explain those reasons to them. It makes it feel more personal.

Here’s a tip for the anxious brides: only control the things you want to control. If the bridesmaid dresses don’t really matter to you, don’t worry about them! I just wanted my bridesmaids to be comfortable, so I let them pick. Granted, I only had 2 bridesmaids, so it was easier for them to coordinate themselves, but I did not want to sweat the small stuff. Another thing I didn’t care about was the groomsmen, so I let Chris pick. Yes, I was a little nervous when 2 months prior he said he hadn’t picked outfits or communicated with them, but my husband is bit of a posh spice (yes, I called him that in my vows), so I knew I could trust him to figure it out. And he did! Less stress for me.

One more tip about stress: there are some things that will be out of your control. You can’t stress about them because you cannot change them. Flight changes? CHECK. They are going to happen. Our flight to Mexico was canceled the night before. We booked another flight that night. Was it way more money than the original? Yes. But we didn’t really have a choice and I chose not to stress about it. Our MC got stuck in traffic and never arrived. But the photographer’s assistant offered to step up, and what was I going to say? No? Of course not. I said sure! And we went through the list of names for speeches and dances and she killed it. No one even noticed. These things happen and you need to make a conscious decision to just go with the flow. Having an open bar helps.

Here’s a tip regarding an expensive cake: save on the cake, splurge on the cake topper! By the time cake hits the table, most people will be up dancing. And if they aren’t, they’re probably drunk. Hell, if it’s a good party at all, probably everyone will be drunk. People are not going to appreciate the flavor and moistness of the cake. But they WILL appreciate an aesthetic. We were lucky enough to have my aunt make us a cake topper that looked just like us on our wedding day. She made the bride wear my dress, carry my bouquet, she even put highlights and a braid in her hair! Chris also looked dapper in a blue suit and white boutonniere. Everyone LOVED it. We have a google album of guest photos, and there must be 15 different people who took photos of the cake topper. And the best part: it now sits in our living room smackdab in the middle of our bookshelf. Our cleaner saw it last week and was in SHOCK she loved it so much.

Here’s another unconventional trick: do a fun (not slow) father-daughter dance. My dad and I started out slow with Lee Ann Womack’s I Hope You Dance, and after 1 minute we transitioned into a zydeco number, Daddy Lessons by The Chicks and Beyonce. It was a HUGE hit. People were laughing and clapping, and my dad and I had a blast. I heard comments about it from our guests all weekend long! It was engaging and it sped up the tedious first 30 minutes of watching dances and speeches.

Our gorgeous cake (could not tell you what it tasted like)

One of the more controversial points in this blog is about welcome baskets. I think that whether you need them depends on where you have the wedding. If you know people are flying in, not renting cars, and the hotel is in an isolated place, then I would recommend them. Water and snacks are not always available, and when they are, they’re crazy expensive. If you can’t walk down the street to a bodega or a Walgreens, I’d say it’s a nice thing to offer. However, I think they can be simple. If your wedding is local, or in a city with many things around, they’re unnecessary. And welcome baskets are definitely not necessary at all-inclusives. For my wedding there were beverages included in every room (alcoholic, non-alcoholic and water), and I made sure everyone knew that I had Advil, ibuprofen and sunscreen for everyone. Also, there was food and room service available 24/7 for free if people got hungry. We gave out engraved reusable straws as favors, and I don’t think shipping boxes of crap and snacks to Mexico and forcing people to carry it home in their already-stuffed carry-ons was necessary.

My final tip, and the perfect segue into the next installment of wedding content: Have a destination wedding. I won’t delve into it too much here since I am going to write a whole other blog about this, but suffice it to say, it was the right decision for us. I know some people say this isn’t an option because of family pressure or cost of travel but let me tell you, it was not that expensive. It was beautiful. And it was FUN. More on that next time!

Do you have any tips or tricks you’ve picked up from being a bride, groom, or repeat guest? Let me know in the comments!

Wedding

Our Wedding (and my regrets)

June 8, 2022 4 Comments

I’ve been on blog hiatus, but the good news is, I’ve been so busy that I have PLENTY of material now. SURPRISE I got married! Ok, not a surprise because I talked about dress shopping, a hair trial, and other wedding-related things for the whole 4 months while we “planned.” I use that term loosely.

I’m going to do a series of blogs about the wedding. Here’s what you have to look forward to:

NO RAGRETS. Ok, I have a few. I’ll write about those today. Read on!!
Tips and Tricks: coming out this weekend!
Destination Wedding – do or don’t? (Spoiler Alert: the answer is DO): posting next week
Wedding Recap (and the things that went wrong): later this month.

First, a quick wedding summary: It was amazing. It was so special to have all of my friends and family in one place. It was a week-long party. It was GORGEOUS. The weather was literally perfect. Some would say it was too cool at night but since my internal temperature is roughly the same as an oven, it was perfect for me. The toasts/speeches were PHENOMENAL. I really would barely have changed anything. But since that is a very boring blog post, I decided to start off with a bang and tell you about the things I would have changed.

The good news about my regrets is that there aren’t many. I’ve been reflecting for a few weeks and despite the contemplation, I still have a short list of regrets, which is great!

My main regrets are regarding the photographer, but it’s not that they were bad, they were actually great. However, I probably asked them to cover the wrong times (my fault). Since our speeches ran late, they only could cover 15 minutes of dancing and I probably would have preferred an hour. I haven’t seen the photos yet but hopefully they got some good content! And to be fair, it was nice to take as many shots of gin as I wanted and know it wouldn’t be captured on film for my future children to see. The timing also affected the photo booth, which was another regret. We had it out for people to use during cocktail hour and then the first hour of the reception. Again because of speeches and mingling at cocktail hour, no one really got to use it! I kind of wish we just hadn’t paid for it. We didn’t need it and we had fun without it. Thankfully, we had plenty of friends with phones taking pictures of dancing at the reception and the after-party. Some of those will never see the light of the internet.

Despite the many podcast episodes I listened to, I didn’t pay attention when the experts insisted a bride should have a shot list for the photographer. I didn’t have one, so it was disorganized after the ceremony as I was pulling random groups for photos. A lot of people were waiting around in the sun and people were getting antsy and sunburned. I also wish we had taken photos with every guest. Since we only had 50, it would have been totally feasible, but I didn’t think about it at the time.

The only people I saw use the photobooth!

Another thing, as I look back – I wish we had a second shooter, at least for the ceremony. I didn’t realize that since there was only one person taking photos, they could only capture one angle of the ceremony. They got the most adorable photo of Chris as he turned around and saw me for the first time walking down the aisle, but since the photographer was behind me, I don’t think he got any of my face as I walked down. Again, I haven’t seen the photos yet (they sent us 10 as a teaser), but I’m not sure how they would have captured me, except maybe far away as we were walking down to the beach. Thankfully, my friends took a few photos and videos of my parents walking me down. Also, the photographer managed to get some great far-shots as well as some great close-ups, like of Chris putting on my ring.

Photo from friends of me walking down the aisle with my parents.

My next regret should be filed under #SaveOrSplurge and for this one, I would say SAVE on bridesmaid bouquets. Full disclosure: I am not a flower girl, so these were on rock bottom of budget needs for me. Honestly, I would have gone without a bouquet myself, but it was included in the resort package. And don’t get me wrong, my bouquet was gorgeous. It’s just that it was BIG and difficult to hold! I kept asking the photographer to take photos without it. If you have a lot of bridesmaids, those bouquets can add up! The resort package included a “maid of honor” bouquet, and since I had 2 bridesmaids and no ”maid of honor,” I just added on one additional bouquet, which was a minimal cost, but a cost nonetheless. People always say, “it gives you something to do with your hands,” but the groomsmen didn’t have anything in their hands and they did just fine. I could have done without it, but I haven’t asked my bridesmaids what they thought. I guess matching bouquets do bring the pictures together in terms of cohesiveness, especially since they were in different dresses, but in my opinion, it was unnecessary.

Pre-wedding detail shots of the bouquets, they were massive!

My next regret is a true #firstworldproblem, but I wish that I had stayed longer at the resort after the wedding. I’m very thankful that we had another full day after the wedding (we got married on a Friday and left on Sunday), but it still felt too quick to return to the real world. I would have liked one or two extra days, but Chris couldn’t get the time off of work and it felt strange to stay there alone without him. It didn’t help that I had a few friends who stayed on, and I had serious FOMO! I would recommend a slower come-down for someone traveling to their wedding. I guess this is why people go on a honeymoon directly after, which brings me to my final regret – not planning a honeymoon before the wedding.

I wish I already had something to look forward to. Also, it’s incredibly awkward because once our registry was purchased (we didn’t ask for much – we’ve been together for almost 7 years!), people gave us money for specific funds for our honeymoon. For example, someone gave $50 for the honeymoon flight, or $100 for a couples massage etc. It’s extremely awkward when people ask where we are going, and I have to say “I don’t know yet.” Soon… hopefully! Stay tuned!!

I’ll be posting my wedding tips and tricks this weekend. I wouldn’t say I’m a pro now, but I have been to a LOT of weddings and now I’ve planned one, and I would like to think I have learned along the way!

Wedding

Wedding Hair Trial

April 25, 2022 2 Comments

There aren’t many things going on in my life right now besides work and planning my wedding (and attending 4 more weddings this year). So as much as I don’t want to be “that girl” who only posts about her wedding, that’s all I’ve got for you! At least for now.

The countdown is on; and the wedding is in under a month. That means that this month it was finally time to think about the thing that matters most: my hair. Every bride is allowed to have one “thing,” at least that is what I have read in all of the blogs. Hair is definitely my thing.

I would be lying if I said I just started thinking about it. You know how some brides have been adding wedding dresses and reception décor to their Pinterest boards since before they were engaged? That was me with favoriting bridal hair on my Instagram. I’ve had a folder for about 5 years. BUT it was finally time to think practically about what needed to happen to make my hair dreams come true.

I knew I needed fresh color, a fresh cut, new extensions, and the PERFECT stylist.

First: color. I decided to travel to Pennsylvania for my color, which is your first tip that I am going to be super EXTRA about my hair. But here’s the thing, I’ve lived in New York for 11 years and I have never gone to a colorist I loved. I’ve had some good color, but it was never the color of my dreams. When I had my hair purple, that was the color of my dreams, but she lives in Texas! Proving my point. Anyway, I knew I couldn’t mess around with color for my wedding, so I booked my color appointment with my bridal stylist of my dreams in Pennsylvania. Her styles are 85% of the styles in my saved folder, and she is a wizard with color, too! That appointment is in 2 weeks and I could not be more excited. Take one look at my grays and you will know that I haven’t colored my hair since September!

Purple hair of my dreams. I miss it every day.

Next: hair extensions. You may say “But Emily, your hair is long!” Well, it’s NOT LONG ENOUGH. But in reality, it’s more about volume. Most bridal styles you see online have extensions. Actually, I would say 90% of styles you see online on brides have extensions. I considered doing tape-in’s or sew-ins, but since I sweat so much and work out, and wanted them to last AND I wanted to be able to use them again, I went with clip-ins instead. I bought VERY long extensions from Luxy Hair, the brand my colorist-of-my-dreams recommended, and she said she would make sure my hair matched them perfectly.

Next step: the stylist of my dreams. Note the trend here about my dreams? I do, honestly, dream about my hair a lot. Some may say it’s a sickness. OH, and let’s stop everything right now because if you’re only reading this thinking you will see spoiler photos of my hair inspo, you will not. I’ve shown less people photos of my hair than photos of my dress.

Approximately 4.5 years ago when I started my hair Instagram (@braidinmanhattan go follow me now!), I met a woman with the same ridiculous sense of humor as me. Her name was Alli and she lived in Florida (@playbraids, go follow her now!). She made funny/sarcastic comments, and most importantly, she did not live in Utah and was not afraid to curse. If you’re new here, a majority of the braiding moms on Instagram are Mormon, have 4+ children and are younger than me, and/or are far more prim and proper than I will ever be. Nothing against that, but we have very little in common. Anyway, Alli and I clicked. And by “clicked,” I do mean in the virtual computer/phone sense, since we never met. Ever since we started chatting, I always joked, “if I ever get married, obviously you’re doing my hair!” But of course, I wasn’t engaged, so it became a running joke.

Fast-forward 2 years of constant DM-ing and we were FINALLY supposed to meet. We had both somehow got on the radar of a hair product company called Style Factor, and they hired us to braid at a hair show in NYC at the Javits Center! Alli was going to come all the way to the Big Apple and braid with me. We were psyched. Guess when this was? March 2020. Guess what happened instead?? Covid. Javits was converted into a field hospital, and the hair show was canceled. Hell, the whole world was canceled. So, we never met and we kept DM-ing. Alli started a “friends” salon where she braided kids’ American Girl Dolls that the neighbors dropped off contactless on her porch, and I left for Texas and got very good at braiding my own hair.

Fast-forward another 2 years, and I finally set a wedding date! Alli and I still hadn’t met, but I kept up my end of the promise. Alli now works for a legit salon, and I said “you better block off your calendar because I am flying you to Mexico to do my hair.” I’m not sure if she thought I was kidding, but I was not. I called her and got her info, and booked her a flight and hotel. It was the first thing I did after setting a wedding date. And I’m glad I did, because that $750 flight is now $2500. I am not exaggerating. Even with the cheap(er) flight, I am still spending more on my hair than I did on my weddings dress. By far. Is it worth it? YES.

The funniest part about spending big bucks on hair is that a hairstylist is literally included in the wedding package at the resort where we are getting married. As in, I could get my hair done for free. But I do not trust a random person to do my hair for the most important hair day of my life! I would be so upset if they did something worse than what I could do myself. Plus, I don’t want the stress of worrying about it.

You may be saying, “but Emily, Alli is a random person, too, and you’ve never met *her* either!” This was true… until last week.

When I knew I was hiring her as my stylist, I also knew I needed a hair trial. For a day as important as this, I needed a dress rehearsal. So, I booked a flight to Florida and stayed at her house with her family for Easter weekend. In the words of Drake, “I went from 0 to 100 real quick.” Her son said, “what if she robs us?” and I said, “what if they murder me?” But good news, no one stole anything and no one died, and I even got my very first Easter basket!

Before we started the hairstyle trial, I asked her if she was nervous and if I was her most nerve-wracking client ever. I think she said yes, but I was only half paying attention because I was nervous myself!! I knew I would be very picky. The good news is, she KILLED it. We have a few minor adjustments we will make for the big day but overall, I’m more excited for the wedding because I know my hair will be FIRE. Bonus, she will be a very fun wedding guest.

Now I just need to write my vows…

Started the day with my first-ever Easter basket outside my room! (and no, I didn’t rob her for that $20 bill, I gave it back).

Wedding

Bridesmaid Proposals

March 24, 2022 5 Comments

As my wedding draws closer, I think it’s time to talk about it again. It’s been six weeks, I feel like I’ve earned it. Today’s topic: bridesmaid proposals. I know what you’re thinking: WTF is that?

Ladies and gents, the bridal industry has done it again. They have created yet another needless thingamabob. But this one I was excited to get behind because it involves giving presents to people who mean the most to you. And I love giving presents.

However, it’s important for me to start by saying: I didn’t care about bridesmaids. I felt very strongly that I didn’t care. I told my best friend a year ago not to be offended if I ended up not having any. And then, like much of the wedding planning, I left it up to my fiancé. I said, “do you want our parties to match in size? And if so, how many do you want and I’ll match it.” So he chose two, his brother and brother-in-law, and I chose two, my sister and best friend.

Now the proposal situation. I think in years past people used to just approach their friends and say, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Eventually this morphed into a card that said, “will you be my bridesmaid?” Now, Etsy has an entire section of the site dedicated to these proposal boxes and they include everything from personalized champagne flutes to $80 embroidered robes.

SPOILER ALERT: They said yes. Would they have said yes without all of this hullabaloo? Probably. Ok, definitely. But was it fun to put together and scheme? Also definitely.

Ideally, I would have asked them both in person, but since my BFF lives across the country, I needed to ask my sister in person when we went wedding dress shopping, keep it a secret, and then send a box across the country and depend on the USPS. Yikes!

I wanted to send something meaningful and fun, and include things that would actually be used. This was especially true as I thought about the gifts for my sister who lives in New York. The last thing we need in NYC is tchotchkes. The theme of the gifts was loosely: beach, travel, love, all-inclusive resort.

In general, I gave my two bridesmaids the same things, including heart-shaped dark chocolates, heart-shaped sunglasses (counts as “beach” and “love”!), travel toiletry containers and a carrying case, and a luggage tag. I also included a few “primping” items like under eye patches and foot scrub. I personalized those a bit; my BFF who works nights got special eye patches with caffeine infused. And my sister who loves her calluses did not get a foot repair kit.

Travel Kits and Luggage Tags, necessities for Mexico!

And because I’m obsessed with hair, they also both got hair ties. I got them in their favorite color palettes, and of course the hair ties came on a piece of cardstock that said “Will You Help Me Tie the Knot? To have & to hold your hair back.” I got those from Etsy. I told you, there’s a whole industry for these things!

I also got personalized straws from Etsy that I had engraved. If you don’t know my love for straws, you do now. I ONLY drink from straws. Exclusively. And one of the biggest problems with all-inclusive resorts is that they have gotten rid of straws. It ALMOST makes me not want to go at all. Almost. Anyway, I tried to fix that problem by giving reusable ones to my bridesmaids and their spouses.

Loved these hair ties and the fact that I could pick the colors.

Last but certainly not least, the cards. In fact, this was my favorite part of the gift. I saw an influencer (*eye roll*) get these cards and they were too amazing to pass up. You can personalize every aspect from the items held in the bride and bridesmaids’ hands, the hairstyles, the hair color, the skin tone, the robe color, the text, the names, everything! And the artist on Etsy was SO accommodating. I asked her if she could create some sort of head covering for my sister and we went back and forth twice to create the perfect head scarf. I was obsessed with these cards. I chose drinks that I thought my bridesmaids would order in Mexico, and I picked their favorite colors for the robes.

Oh, did I mention I also wrote poems for each individual item in the box and scrapbooked them because I am a crazy person? Honestly, this is definitely the craziest thing I have done so far pre-wedding. I won’t share all of the poems because there were A LOT, but I’ll share my intro poem to them:

Six years have come and gone and now it’s finally time,
To tie the knot and seal the deal, so that deserves a rhyme.
This wedding stuff is dumb, it’s just a lot of things,
I’m mostly here for lifelong love (and of course those gorgeous rings).
The thing that matters most to me is being with my favs,
My sister and my BFF in front of breaking waves.
My bridesmaid count is only 2 and one of them is you,
One a Shiksa Goddess, and one an Ortho Jew.
What color dress? Should they match? I really do not care,
You know the only thing I’ll control is the quality of hair.
I’ll leave it up to you to pick a color you both like,
Assuming before May, the Covid numbers again don’t spike.
I hope I’m not a bridezilla, I’m trying my very best,
All I know’s I want you there as a most important guest.
So SHALL you be my bridesmaid and stand with me in Cabo?
We can eat and drink unlimited until I am a blob-o!

So. Many. Poems. So. Much. Scrapbooking.

Wedding

I Said YES!

February 11, 2022 5 Comments

I know I’m supposed to bury the lede but… I SAID YES TO THE DRESS!!!!

That’s right, I am one step closer to completing my checklist. The last item being: getting married.

If you read my post last week, you know I was not looking forward to a weekend of wedding dress shopping, but a lot of things about my experience surprised me and it was actually a super fun weekend.

On Saturday, I took a train to Philadelphia. It was my first time in Moynihan Station, which was a fun start to the trip. It was GORGEOUS in there! Although my train boarded 30 minutes late, I still got to the city of brotherly love with plenty of time to spare. It was so great to see my mom for the first time since before Thanksgiving. We headed out to our first bridal appointment where I had an entourage of my mom and her friend Randi who happens to be younger than me, despite being my mom’s friend (now my friend, too!). I really wanted a younger perspective and she’s been married 6 years so I knew she had been through this before.

My first appointment was at a salon called Sabrina Ann, a consignment bridal store with once worn and never worn dresses. A lot of the inventory comes from bridal salons and floor samples. While I was super excited about the idea of a more designer-quality dress at a lower price, I was most nervous about this store because I didn’t know if they would have anything that fit me. We were greeted by my consultant, Judy, who set the tone. She said “Is this our SUPER TALL VERY TALL bride?” At first, I was offended. But then I remembered that when I scheduled the appointment I had emailed ahead asking if they’d have inventory for me because I was “very, very tall.” They had assured me that it would be fine.

Something I didn’t know? At bridal appointments they never greet you by saying “hi,” they always say, “congratulations!” After we got the many “congrats” out of the way, Judy got to work. We talked sizing, and as I suspected, she pulled dresses 1 or 2 sizes larger than my street size. But they had many in my size! Since this was my very first appointment, I wanted to try on dresses in styles I had in mind, but I was also open to trying other styles just to see. It turned out my mom had made “Yes” “No” “Maybe” signs like what I mentioned I had made for my friend, which was super fun. These came into play a lot throughout the weekend.

To be honest, the first thing that surprised me so much about the whole process was how decisive I was. There were many dresses where the second I put them on, it was an immediate no. It was still kind of fun to put on lots of different things, though. Some were boho forest fairy, some were Cinderella, some red carpet, some Greek goddess. It was like playing dress up! Out of all of them, though, only 2 were contenders, but they were serious ones!

There was one dress that immediately stood out to me on the rack. Sure enough, it was one of the final two contenders, both of which I loved. But ultimately I went with a different dress that would need some alterations on the back, but overall fit extremely well and was very flattering (and long enough!).

I was able to Facetime with Chris’s older sister in Texas while I was in the dress to see what she thought. It was fun to have her and her husband’s opinions! I stayed with them for six months at the beginning of Covid (remember my time in Texas?), so I feel very close to them, and their opinions were important to me.

Since each dress was one-of-a-kind, the store gave an option if I wasn’t ready to buy yet, to put a dress on hold for $30 to take it off the floor for 3 days. I made a decision out of my final two dresses I loved, and we left the store feeling very successful. The pressure was off! I had two appointments the next day, but I knew I already had a dress I loved on hold so I felt like the rest of the weekend could be fun.

Day 2, two more appointments, and I officially had a family entourage. My sister and my future-sister-in-law took the train/bus into Philly, and we headed to appointment number 2: David’s Bridal. To make it even more fun, my sister came bearing themed attire. Y’all know I’ve never met a theme I didn’t love. I strutted into David’s Bridal in my “Bride To Be” sash and Bride Headband (duh hair accessory) like I owned the place. I had heard some horror stories about DB, like the zippers breaking and having to be sewn into a dress, but I had also heard that MANY bridal success stories, and they have dresses at very reasonable prices.

We got off to a rocky start, since our assigned consultant was 20 minutes late. They checked us in and told us to just walk around the salon and pick dresses we liked, and “turn them to the side.” This quickly became a sh*tshow because there were 8 brides all around the store, turning all types of dresses, lots I would not be caught dead in. Some were in garment bags, some were not, and we were very lost and confused. But then our consultant Melissa arrived, and it was a 180. She. Was. Awesome.

The first thing she said was, “Listen, I didn’t make any of these dresses, I just work here. So I need you to be brutally honest. If the dress is ugly, say, ‘the dress is UGLY’ I will not be offended.” She told us that the goal was to find a dress. But if we didn’t find a dress, the goal was just to leave the store with a way better idea of what I liked and what I didn’t. She said if I left with a better idea of material, silhouette, etc, then she did her job. She said she would make me try on each of the classic silhouettes and really listen to what I liked and didn’t, and start to whittle it down. And DAMN she was good. She heard things I was saying and things I wasn’t even saying, or didn’t think I was saying. Ultimately, I picked 5 dresses from the rack to try, she brought me an additional 4, and guess which was my favorite? A Melissa pick.

One of the things that really surprised me from bridal shopping was how much I needed to see myself in a photo. Thankfully, I had three people there taking pictures because it was difficult for me to get outside my body and really see the full picture. Not to mention, it was difficult to see the back! Sorry guys, but you’re not seeing any of those photos. After narrowing the dresses down to a final 2, I looked at myself in photos and there was really no question in my mind which was better after that. I had to look at my “on hold” dress photos from the day prior and compare it. But there was just no contest, the Melissa pick dress was far and above better. It was perfect. It had literally everything I wanted and a few things I didn’t even know I wanted (but Melissa did!).

This woman KNOWS her inventory. Huge shoutout to Melissa!

I was ready to say YES. BUT. When I first started looking at bridal gowns (like 3 weeks prior), there was ONE DRESS I kept coming back to. And it was at BHLDN, which was my next and last stop of the day. I really didn’t want to say YES before I saw that dress. I knew I would have the “what-ifs” if I didn’t try that gown on. So I said “yes for now” and I got Melissa’s card and said I’d call later. But I was 99% sure this was the dress. She said, “hold that thought” and brought over a bell. She said, “hold this bell, close your eyes, and make a wish for your wedding day. Then, open your eyes and ring it.” I did that, and sure enough the entire store started clapping and I started crying and it was just A MOMENT. I’m not gonna lie, it felt super anti-climactic to walk out of that store and not buy that dress right that moment, but I knew it would be there for me later.

NEXT UP: Stop #3, BHLDN, the wedding brand of Anthropology. We stopped for a bite to eat first, I ate a protein bar to keep my energy up, and then we headed to the final stop of the day. Trying on dresses is a lot of work! I had 6,000 steps just from many, many 15-step trips to and from a pedestal, and many shoulder presses, taking dresses over my head.

I’m not gonna lie, it felt WEIRD shopping for a dress knowing I had a dress to beat. But when I met consultant #3, Andrew, I told him the truth (mostly). I told him I had gone to one other store (lie) and that I had a dress I loved, and a dress to beat (true). He was totally understanding, and I explained that first and foremost I wanted to try on the one dress in my mind, but I was also very intrigued by the whole Anthro aesthetic boho fabulous IYKYK. I tried on about 8 dresses. This store was a bit of a struggle because the dresses were all BEAUTIFUL. But I didn’t love them on me. They reminded me of dresses I would drool over if I had a pinterest board (I don’t), seeing them on other brides prancing through fields of tall grass.

Andrew kept asking me what I didn’t like about the dresses, and for the first time all weekend, it was really difficult for me to articulate because they were all so pretty. I said that, and Andrew said, “Honey, wedding dresses are made to be beautiful. They’re all pretty. It’s not about which one is a beautiful dress, it’s about which one makes you feel beautiful in it.” At that, I said to him, let me go look at the photos, but I think I have found my dress at another store. I asked him if people come in a lot with a dress to beat and if he feels bad, but he said it happens often, which made me feel a bit better about wasting his time.

My Pedestal Pal Andrew. He held many trains to and from this platform, but none were THE ONE.

I sat down on the couch with my family, and made the decision, Melissa’s pick at store #2.

We went out to celebratory drinks and food (lobster mac and cheese YUM), and I called David’s Bridal to order my dress over the phone. It’s supposed to come in on March 6^th and they will ship it to me for free!

It’s been 4 days since I said yes to the dress, and every day I have been looking at the photos on my phone. I LOVE my dress! I probably could have narrowed the dresses down to about 2 or 3 alone, but I never could have picked the one without my family’s opinions and approval. It meant a lot to have them there, and to have the signs. Sometimes their “maybes” surprised me since I was a definite no. Now is the hard part – keeping it to myself! It is KILLING me not showing Chris. It is killing me not showing you all! I live my life pretty publicly so it’s very bizarre to have this huge secret. I have to keep reminding myself that my wedding is actually quite soon, so I don’t have to keep the secret for long.

Oh, two more things. You may remember I was worried about body comments. Never once did I get a comment from a consultant about my body. Not once! Except for the initial tall comment, but that was my own fault. If anything, it was all “you look beautiful” “you’re gorgeous” “you’re the perfect height.” So, I had nothing to worry about there. And honestly? Most of the dresses DID fit perfectly! They didn’t all look flattering, and I definitely saw rolls in places I’d rather not see them (cough cough my back) but the dresses mostly zipped and it was just a matter of what I felt good in. And as for the cost, when I got home Sunday night, I told Chris that my dress was well below budget. And he said, “what was the budget?” and when I told him $1500 including alterations, he said, “Really? That seems low.” Which is a SUPER WIN.

On to the next decision! Well actually, on to my brother’s wedding, which is in two weeks. Too bad I can’t wear my wedding gown to that! I love it that much! But his fiancée probably wouldn’t appreciate it…

Wedding

Say Yes to the Dread

February 4, 2022 2 Comments

I’m going dress shopping this weekend!!! Those exclamation marks are how I know I am supposed to feel. Honestly, it’s how I thought I would feel! I do love to shop, and I like sparkly things and pretty things. Also, I LOVE judging other people’s gowns. I used to look forward to Friday Bride Day on TLC every week. If you live under a rock, TLC was a TV network that aired 7-8 hours of bridal content every single week, like the infamous show, Say Yes to the Dress (“SYTTD”) and the multiple spinoffs. I was a loyal viewer. I thought I would love to be a Kleinfeld bride, and I would love to have Randy come out and show me a one-of-a-kind Pnina Tournai gown and then I would love to meet the designer, and miraculously find $20,000 to pay for it with. But alas, none of those things are true. And in reality, I have aged decades since that show began and I have realized I don’t want any of those things anymore. In fact, I am dreading this weekend for three reasons: body image, expectations, and cost.

I was almost going to write a blog about shopping for a dress after the fact, but I wanted to be truthful about my feelings and not have it altered by however this weekend goes. Hopefully it’ll go well but my expectations are low. I promise to update you after.

I want to start by saying, there’s nothing I dislike about dress shopping in general, the problem is that it’s for myself. I went dress shopping with my best friend last year and we had a BLAST. It was her mom, her sister, and me. We went to two salons. We had champagne. I texted her fiancé in advance and made him send me selfies of himself being happy, meh, and yuck. Then, because he’s hilarious and knew what would make my BFF crack up, he also sent photos of her dog happy and angry. I made them into signs for us to show her based on our thoughts of the dress. The day was a super fun, ended in a celebratory happy hour, and even better, she said yes to a dress!! But, this was kind of like watching the show on TV, with the added benefit of champagne. I LOVE judging other people, I do not really love other people judging me.

As I mentioned, the first reason I am dreading shopping is because nothing is going to fit me. Is there anything worse than going shopping and having nothing fit? I mean nothing will fit. When you go dress shopping, that is just the reality you have to prepare for. Dresses are made in sample sizes and SHOCKER, my body is not a sample size. Not only am I 5’11”, but I am not a small person. To make matters worse, most bridal gowns are known to be “2 sizes smaller than street sizes.” Someone please explain this to me. WHY?! I have read blogs about this, so I am technically mentally prepared. But really, can anything prepare you for 6 hours of having every single dress gape open at the back?? I think no. As someone who has struggled with her weight and with body positivity for a LONG time, I am simply dreading this. I am finally at a place where I am happy being my current size (more on toxic #sheddingforthewedding later) but I can just imagine that a day of putting on too-small clothes will make me upset, which is exactly the opposite of what I’m supposed to be feeling leading up to the “happiest day of my life.” Which leads me to my next point.

HOLY HIGH EXPECTATIONS. Obviously, there are high expectations for the wedding… happiest day of my life? Up until now, I think the happiest day of my life was the day I put in my 2 week’s notice at my law firm. But there are similarly high expectations for wedding dress shopping. You are supposed to be surrounded by an entire entourage of friends and family who sit around and tell you how amazing you look for hours. I don’t know who has 9 close friends who will drop everything for a day of sitting around and watching you try on clothes, but that is not me. Nor do I want that! Thankfully with Covid regulations, most salons cap out at 3 people per bride per appointment.

I distinctly remember every episode of Say Yes to the Dress, where the consultant sat with the bride at the beginning and said, “tell me about the love of your life.” Like… what??? It’s shopping. Yes, I want to look good, but like, it’s not THAT deep. With each bridal appointment I set up online, there must have been 10-12 questions with boxes allowing 1000 characters of text about the wedding and the dress of my dreams. My main concerns that I listed: I am tall, I want to be comfortable, and I don’t want to be hot. That’s it!

And what about the expectation that you will cry when you find the dress? That feels forced. I am a crier. I cry at every tv show and movie. I cried 3 times during Encanto. But I don’t know if I’ll cry looking for a dress. I feel like I won’t cry because I’m going to be so worried trying to cry. When I went dress shopping with my friend, she cried… and then ended up getting a different dress! I feel like it’s more likely I will cry from exhaustion when the day is over.

Last but certainly not least, the things I am not looking forward to: spending money. I know this is becoming a recurring theme in my bridal blogs but, it’s just inane the amount of money people spend on dresses. Women wear them one day and spend more money on them than any other item of clothing they have ever owned. Or worse: brides spend tens of thousands of dollars on a dress and then CHOOSE TO RUIN IT. Our photographer offers a special add on for a “trash the dress” shoot. Yes, that is a real thing. Honestly, you aren’t going to wear it again so it’s not a terrible idea, but yikes, the money!!

In my very cursory google search, I saw that a 2020 Brides American Wedding Study (whatever that is) found that the average cost of a wedding dress is $2,439. AVERAGE. Pnina Tournai dresses start at $4800. And that’s before alterations. If you watch a lot of SYTTD, you probably think that sounds low. Women on that show routinely spend upwards of $10,000 on a gown. Personally, I find this outrageous. I can’t even stomach spending $1000, but most bridal shops start their inventory at $1500, so I guess we’ll see what happens. I tried to be very cost-conscious in choosing my appointments, and I even called ahead to a few salons to ask about their price ranges. One of the main things I looked for in the reviews were if people said “consultants made sure to only show me dresses within my budget.” Again, it’s not that I don’t want to look good, I do! But I also don’t understand the point of spending an entire paycheck (or multiple) on a one-time outfit.

All of that said, I really hope I find a dress this weekend. I even put a goal for the month of February in my bullet journal: SAY YES TO THE DRESS. I hope I can check something off of my to-do list and get one step closer to marrying my person.

I Do or I Do Not – Should You Have a Destination Wedding?

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