I Turned 30… Again

Well guys, another year older, another day added onto my hangovers. Yes, I am now up to a 3-day massive headache hangover that tends to accompany severe dehydration and aching 31-year-old bones. My birthday was last Tuesday, which means I’m almost through with this hangover… until the weekend. I am now officially “in my thirties” and not just “30,” so I feel like I am qualified, in my old age, to impart some of my wisdom about my fellow 30-somethings. What have we learned in these 31 years? Besides to chug 4 glasses of water before bed and limit the sugar in our cocktails? A lot of things. And we know more than older generations give us credit for. (This is another list post, I apologize in advance.)

  • People in their 30’s don’t like being called Millennials. But also we acknowledge that we sort of are. “Millennials” are those crazy people out there who are somehow old enough to drink but were also BORN IN THE 90’S. WHAT!?
  • A lot of 30-somethings don’t know how to change a tire. But hey, you know why that doesn’t matter? Because none of us have cars because we can’t afford them because we have student loans! Oh, and also because no one buys a car nowadays anyway. Also because there’s this nifty thing called google that can tell you how to change a tire. And Youtube where they can show you a video about how to. And all of this can be found on the internet, which can be accessed from a mini computer called a phone that we have in our pockets at ALL TIMES. So the baby boomers can stop with this “change a tire” argument, like, now.
  • Us 30-somethings know that privacy is a thing of the past. Older people watched the Mark Zuckerberg Congressional Hearings and were absolutely STUNNED that Facebook could have and use your information. Us 30-somethings understand that it is just the way of the world and there’s nothing we can do about it. Google knows my coordinates at all time. Amazon knows every time I need to re-order laundry detergent. CVS knows when I buy blonde hair dye for the summer. Instagram knows when I mentioned Mexico in a conversation with my friend. (Ok, I admit, that one was a bit creepy.) I’m not saying that us 30-somethings think this is OK, I’m just saying we can cope with the reality of our world.
  • Separate but related, we understand privacy settings. Yes, this blog is public and the whole world wide web can read my thoughts, but you can bet your bippy that my Facebook is on STRICT lockdown. I would like to be employed far into the future. And no, I do not accept Facebook friends who I do not know. Why would I do that? And yes, my dad is on Restricted. He knows this. So are my boyfriend’s friends! I can’t have them spreading photos of him with his emoji-face all uncovered!! This is the biggest thing that older generation humans should ask for help about. It is far too easy to stalk a majority of people, because they do not understand privacy settings.
  • 30-somethings understand that the key to getting everything done is efficiency and convenience. That means that if it can’t be delivered (and returned), why bother? Amazon is KING and everything worth having can be purchased from your phone. Yes, the physical act of shopping can be fun every once and a while, (plus good cardio! More on exercise later…) but this is a whole event. It takes time – time we don’t have because we are busy working to pay off our student loans. And busy traveling.
  • 30-somethings understand that the world is a huge, vast place, and that we only have one life to live. As we say (or said) YOLO. Therefore, we like to travel. And no, Daddy, it is not a “waste of money.” Older people don’t understand that travel is actually a better way to spend money than having children at 24. It creates experiences, the only thing that cannot be purchased on Amazon. Also, it creates content for our social media. If I don’t post on Instagram about Spain, how will it know to advertise ham to me? Rhetorical question. Of course it knows.
  • 30-somethings do NOT understand that a wedding is a celebration of your love for one other human, and the legally-binding contract, tying you together for life. No, they do not understand this. Somehow along the way of our 30-some-odd lives, it was decided that a wedding is actually a way to bankrupt your friends, force them to travel to places they did not want to go, multiple times for multiple events, force them to wear unflattering clothing, force them to buy you multiple presents, all for the promise of an open bar. (And to those of you without open bars… shame on you.)
  • 30-somethings understand that music will only get worse. Yes, I am the curmudgeon old person, but I will stand by this statement for life: Boy Bands do not get better than *Nsync, BSB AND 98 Degrees. No, One Direction is not comparable. And old people, I guess I can agree that the Beatles had something going on but… still got nothing on Tearin’ Up My Heart.
  • 30-somethings understand that obesity is an epidemic. And even though understanding this has not stopped us from being complete gluttons, we also understand calories, food groups, good carbs, bad carbs, good fats, bad fats, etc., far more than any generation before us. Also, we understand the draw of fitness. The 30-somethings are leading the charge into fitness as a fun outlet, and not just as a 30-minute workout video for women-only, in leg warmers. But also, we understand that a restaurant that ONLY serves fried potatoes with 20 different dipping sauces has the possibility of being wildly profitable, because YOLO.

Speaking of wildly profitable, we are still waiting our turn to make money. I know I am not alone in saying that the “dream” or paying off student debt, owning a home, and feeling financially comfortable enough to have a child… it’s a long way off. Even at 31. But hey, #YOLO. It’s easy to forget about student loans when you’re galivanting around Europe. When I am done celebrating my birthday, I’ll have to tell you all about my travels in Spain. But before that, next week is my 5-year graduation-iversary. I can guarantee you another scathing report on the blog about why you should avoid law school at all costs. 5 years later, still singing the same song. Until next time!

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SoreLegsLongDistance: +1 Volunteering

Quick recap: I’m in the middle of a 9+1 journey to the 2019 TCS NYC Marathon. (Hashtag: #SoreLegsLongDistance). This means that to guarantee entry into the marathon, you can become a member of the New York Road Runners for a full year, complete at least nine NYRR-scored, qualifying races, and volunteer for one. Or if you really hate volunteering, NYRR gives you an option to donate $1,000 to NYRR’s youth and community services programs instead. In case you missed my 3-part series on my massive pile of student loan debt (Part 1, 2A, 2B, 3), suffice it to say, I “chose” to volunteer. I’m 5 races into my 9, although I have only recapped 3 of them for you so far, because I didn’t want to bore/scare away all 5 of my readers. Hi Mommy! Hi Daddy!

Anyway, back to the topic at hand: my +1. Not +1 like “who the hell am I supposed to bring with me to this wedding?!” This is much better. An3.d much earlier. My call time for volunteering was 6:30 am. And it was COLD. But luckily, I live only 5 minutes away from our check-in place. So I rolled out of bed at 6, made an egg for breakfast, and bundled up. According to the NYRR website, they “highly recommend volunteering in the first half of the year, before completing nine races.” They say that it’s because there are many spots at the early races, but also because spots quickly fill up later in the year as many runners (like me!) rush to fulfill their requirements by December 31. I chose the Shape Half Marathon to volunteer because I liked the idea of volunteering at an all-female race, plus, I ran the race last year, so I knew how good it felt to finish and get my hardware!

My assignment was Medals, which I picked on purpose because I would much rather place a medal on the neck of a very thankful-to-be-done runner, than have water thrown back in my face by a holy-shit-there-are-8-more-miles!? runner.

Our first task was to check in and eat bagels and coffee. I did this very well. I sported my highlighter-yellow vest and cute volunteer hat (which we got to keep!) and consumed hot coffee, although it was difficult to decide whether to drink the coffee for warmth inside my body, or just hold it in the cup, to provide warmth to my hands. Luckily, NYRR also gave us hand warmers, which were life-saving. After coffee and bagels, we were presented with 40 boxes of medals, which we were supposed to untangle and hang on medal racks, to make it easier for us to hand out later.

There were about 20 of us on medal duty, so this did not take much time. That was unfortunate because the water station people were short-handed. They saw that we were finished early and poached us to fill cups with water. This was not a fun task. First of all, filling thousands of cups is incredibly tedious. Also, spilling water when it is freezing is not fun. Lastly, this was a much more difficult task than you would think. Here’s why: even though it was 30 degrees, it was late April, which means it was technically spring. Pollen and other gross residue was falling off all of the trees above, and falling into our water cups. I think we spent just as much time emptying pollen from cups as we did filling the actual cups with water. UGH. Luckily our Medal Team Captain convinced the Water Team Captain that he needed all of us for medal distribution (shoutout Bob!) After a quick bathroom break, we lined up at the medal racks, ready to hand out shiny things to the finishers. (Pro tip: did you know there is a not-so-terrible public restroom underneath the bridge that goes beneath the 72nd Street underpass to Bethesda Terrace!? I didn’t. But it is definitely preferable to port-potties.)

I had SO MUCH FUN volunteering. I loved cheering on runners, telling them congratulations, and seeing the looks of relief and accomplishment all over their faces. Their smiles were HUGE! I especially loved when I had an extra second to put the medals around the runners’ necks, like I was crowning them for their huge achievement. Of the 20 Medal volunteers, about 10 of them were women. My favorite runners were the ones who insisted on receiving their medals from the female volunteers. #GirlPower! They said, “I ran this whole race with thousands of women; I didn’t get through the finish line to be congratulated by a man.” YOU GO GURL.

Although you are only required to volunteer once, NYRR encourages you to “give back to the community regularly,” and I fully plan to volunteer again once I’m done running all of these races. It was a great feeling, and a lot of runners thanked me, since many of them have done 9+1 and know what it is like to volunteer your time. Overall, it was an awesome experience and I can’t wait to do it again! Maybe I’ll get some more swag. I still sport my hat sometimes!

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The Royal Wedding

11 am on a Saturday. Who’s tired? If your eyelids are drooping, it’s either because you were out late last night (and you’re probably much younger than 30), or because you woke up at the butt-crack of dawn to watch people who are vastly more elegant than you and me get married. (I mean come on, I just used “butt-crack” on my public blog.)

I’m exhausted. Mentally, emotionally, and physically. I set my alarm for 5 am to watch all of the pre-wedding coverage, but God didn’t want that to happen (read: I shut my alarm off because I was like “HELL NO IT’S SATURDAY), and I finally rolled out of bed at 6:34 am. Aka PERFECT TIMING. I turned on the TV and Hoda and the entire Today Show crew were almost sh*tting themselves because the procession, beginning with Prince Harry and William were due to arrive in 8 minutes. Exactly. This thing was more exactly choreographed than the Macy’s Parade. And that’s saying a lot. As soon as the princes emerged from their cavalcade of cars (at 6:42 am exactly), I had tears in my eyes. Or maybe it was just leftover remnants of sleep. Could have been both.

I got up and put on my tiara. You think I’m kidding, don’t you? Well if you think I’m kidding, you don’t know me very well. I love a good tiara. I’m 99% certain I was meant to be a princess. DAMN YOU MEGHAN MARKLE FOR TAKING THE LAST ELIGIBLE PRINCE. Anyway, so there I am watching the princes and other royal family arrive, on the couch, tiara perched on my head. Then, of course, emoji-bf awakes from his slumber and finds me in the living room, tiara and all. Did you ever think that the most embarrassing thing that could happen to you is your boyfriend finding your Pinterest board of engagement rings when you’re not even living with him? I see your Pinterest board, and I raise you this situation. Where your boyfriend finds you on the couch before the sun rises, in a tiara, crying, watching people walk down the street to a wedding. A wedding you have zero ties to. Alas, this is not the first time he has seen me do ridiculous things. He just rolled his eyes and went to brush his teeth.

Let’s talk about the bride’s dress and procession. I don’t need to show you photos because the internet has millions of them already. I absolutely love weddings. But more than I love weddings, I LOVE judging bridal gowns. I can sit and watch a marathon of Say Yes to the Dress for hours and I can say NO to every single one. But Meghan was gorgeous. (Yes, we are on a first-name basis. I was at her wedding, after all!) I love a simple gown, and the boat neck was beautiful. The massive lace veil, together with the stunning tiara borrowed from Queen Mary was enough as far as accessories. I loved the understated complete package, with minimal makeup. The commentators kept talking about how she loves her freckles and wanted them to show. Who knows if that’s true, but it looked natural, which is best, because the look on Harry’s face… UGH. I mean, COME ON. SO CUTE!!! How many memes are going to come from that sparkle in his eyes!? “Get yourself a man who looks at you like this.” I can see it already. I am sure it already exists on the internet. The absolute best part of the wedding was when she walked to the altar, and Harry said “You look amazing.” Then different commentators think he either said “I love you” or “my Heart.” KILL ME NOW. SO ROMANTIC. I’M OBSESSED. CAPS NECESSARY. And the little kiddies behind her holding her train?? UGH. My heart was bursting.

Now to the part I know y’all have been waiting on… my commentary on the actual service. Blah blah blah boring white royal wedding blah blah blah BLACK PASTOR KILLS THE GAME. Yeah, if you guys didn’t see it, go watch it. Bishop Michael Bruce Curry brought the house down. Almost literally. The white people in that room did not know what to do. Now guys, this was the not the first time I had heard a black preacher tell people THE WORD. I know what you’re thinking, didn’t this girl say she was Jewish? Well yeah, but I’ve been around. I’ve been to African Church on Christmas. More than once. And let me tell you something about the services led by black preachers… people don’t just sit there and take it, they stand up and feel the word like it is being delivered straight from god. I was watching Bishop Curry up there talking with his hands, quoting Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., and I was waiting for Meghan’s mom to stand up and say “Glory Hallelujah! Praise Jesus!” See below, Meghan’s mom biting her lip trying to keep herself in her seat.

Unfortunately, this did not happen. But it was close to happening. The actual words the bishop spoke were great, about love and fire, and laying your swords down by the riverside… he even slipped in a couple references to slavery and it was EVERYTHING. However, the best part of his address wasn’t the actual address, it was the news cameras panning around the room at the (still-largely-white) guests and watching their faces. They were confused. Panicked. Highly entertained. It reminded me of myself that very first time in black church. And then, just when I didn’t think it could get better, we pan to an all-black gospel choir singing Stand By Me. GTFO. AHHHH SO AMAZING. Stick a fork in me, because I was DONE. Tears, so many tears.

Then came the famous kiss outside the church, which was chaste at best, but who even cares, because the gospel choir was at it again! With Etta James’s version of Amen/This Little Light of Mine. Good lord. That was totally worth waking up at 6 am.

The happy, adorable couple then left in their horse-drawn carriage, on a parade processional a couple miles long, followed by 26 mounted soldiers, in the pomp and pageantry I can only imagine I will also have on my wedding day, because duh, doesn’t everyone? Not to be upstaged by the fabulous gospel choir, Princess Charlotte waved them off, and stole the show entirely. Now I need a nap. Oh, and Oprah, you’re officially invited to my wedding, too.

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Daydream 5K with Runstreet

Some of you may remember Art Runs from my 2017 New Year Resolution that actually worked. My resolution was to find something new that made me excited again for physical activity. I found Runstreet Art Runs, a combination of running, exploring new neighborhoods, fantastic local murals and artists, and fab photos for my social media channels, taken by the talented Marques Jackson of Filles Garcons Photography.

A few weeks ago was the first huge event with Runstreet, the “BIGGEST ART RUN OF THE YEAR,” according to all of the promo emails I was spammed with. Originally, I wasn’t going to attend because I knew I was flying in from Chicago after midnight the night before, AND I had a 10K race the next day. TBH, I deleted the first 8 emails I got about it. But I made a lot of friends at previous art runs. And I follow them all on Instagram. And they ALL were posting about it. Eventually I gave into the peer pressure and FOMO (it’s a real thing).

JK, eventually I saw Marnie, creator of Runstreet, post a code for 50% off. I couldn’t resist. I love a good deal.

This big event was called the Daydream Art Run Festival, sponsored by Clif bar and Custom Performance PT. According to the website promo, it was going to include live music, costumes, a live Art Battle, interactive art photo stations, amazing murals, giveaways, a cash bar & taco truck. Tacos? I’m in.

Although the festival went on all day, there were hourly Art Runs in different waves named for many mythical, utopian creatures.

Best part though: it was called “Daydream” because it was supposed to celebrate a “Utopian land of dreams, where you are free to be whoever you please.” The website said to dress in costume for your wave or come as “whatever you desire.”

I ran in the 11 am wave, called “Unicorn,” because duh. 2017 was the “year of the unicorn,” even the year of the unicorn Frappuccino. Also, I chose that wave because it was the easiest wave to convince myself a tutu was appropriate costuming. Unfortunately, since the event was the morning after my flight home from Chicago, I totally forgot about the costume! Luckily, a friend who I know from art runs texted me the night before, asking what I was wearing. QUICKLY I searched through my costume box for my sparkliest tutu and tiara. Is a tiara unicorn-esque? Not really, but whatevs. It’s not a horn but it’s on your head. Close enough. And as far as I’m concerned, tiaras are ALWAYS approp.

I am used to showing up to a costume event as the most costumed person there (remember DIY costuming at Halloween?). When I showed up to the Daydream 5K I was pleasantly surprised, and incredibly underdressed. There were people in head-to-toe unitard onesies, thigh high socks, face paint, the whole 9. Luckily, they had people there doing free face-painting! Unluckily, it was the first day when the temperature reached 80, so I knew I would be stupid to put face paint on BEFORE the run. Quick flashback to my #sweatzilla posts from last summer.

Anyway, I arrived about 30 minutes early to check my metallic fanny pack at the bag check and hang out with a few friends. I even realized I recognized one of the girls who was going to run with us, and it was Hannah, one of the Peloton Instructors I like! Also, I met a girl who I had never met before, although we chat via Instagram all the time. Weird, I know. But this is the 21st century! She is another ex-lawyer in the fitness industry, although she does it full time, and my fitness is more of a fun side-hustle.

I mingled and gaped at the awesome costumes, and then at 11:15 we headed out on our 5K. I’m not gonna lie, it wasn’t the best art run I’ve been on. Usually Marnie, the creator of Art Runs leads the pack, and she is super knowledgeable about street art and artists, so she is great about talking about the murals, their history, creators, etc. However, since there were 5 runs throughout the day, she couldn’t be expected to run all of them. The two girls in charge of the wave didn’t know much about the art. They had the notes on their phones, but it took a while to stop, pull up the notes, say the stuff, and by then, people were distracted and wanted to keep running. Also, it was a bit disorganized because the group was big. Sometimes, the guides would be done talking about the mural before half of the group even rounded the corner. We were lucky enough to still get some awesome pics from Marques, so that was fun. I wish I had learned a bit more about the art, though.

When we returned to the Daydream home base at The Paper Box in Brooklyn, it was finally time to cool down, eat/drink some free stuff, and get my face painted! They had vendors from Boxed Water, Noosa Yoghurt (my absolute FAV in the world!), and Clif bar, of course. I grabbed as many nut-butter filled Clif bars and Clif blocks as my fanny pack would hold, and I hit the photo booth! I took a cute little gif with Marnie, and we posed on the back patio with the huge blow-up unicorn raft/photo prop. They had a raffle with more than 10 giveaways, but being the unluckiest person I know, I didn’t win anything. Oh well.

As we were getting ready to leave, the artists were getting ready for their art battle outside. I had to stay for another 20 minutes to watch them paint. They were on opposite sides of a white wall, so they couldn’t see each other’s work. @riiisaBoogie v. @theartalchemist, they both killed it! I prefer @theartalchemist’s style more, but it’s subjective. Check out the mini video of them on Runstreet’s page here.

Overall, I didn’t learn much of anything about art, but I got some great pics, I had fun, I had a shakeout run before my 10K, I got free food, AND I got to hang out with friends. Definitely a success.

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Chicago

I’m finally back from España! I already know what you’re thinking: this is not what I signed up for. This blog was entitled “Chicago.” That’s right, 3 weeks ago I was in Chicago, and then I went to Spain. My poor Long Legs are dying from sitting in these small airplane seats. My immune system doesn’t love me either. Planes are not comfortable or sanitary places. But enough about air travel, let’s talk about my new favorite American city: the Windy One.

For some reason, I’ve always had a feeling I would want to live in Chicago. Some part of my #sweatzilla self really gravitates to a place that is frigid 75% of the year. Also, it’s still a large metropolitan area with public transportation, but the cost of living is drastically lower than New York. Considering the amount of weddings I attend in a year, I always figured I would end up in Chicago for a ceremony, or a bachelorette party, or engagement party, or other extraneous wedding-related event that has left me in debt. But somehow I was 30 years old and I had never been to Chicago! I was excited when my work decided to have their annual conference in the Chicago suburbs because it meant my flight would be comped. However, Skokie, IL is not exactly Chicago, so I twisted my coworker’s arm and convinced her to stay downtown a few days after the convention to hang out with me and explore the city. Full story: she has two kids and I think she thanked me for requiring  her to have a kid-less 2-day vaycay.

I won’t bore you with the specific details of my day-to-day activities, but I’ll give you the highlights. Starting with food, because duh.

FOOD

People say New York has amazing food, but Chicago is not far behind. We didn’t have much time (2 full days), but we tried to have one of everything. Obviously deep dish pizza came first. Everyone we asked had their own preference for their favorite deep dish place, but after 4 12-hour work days, we settled for the most famous place in Chicago that also happened to be across the street from our Air BNB: Giordano’s. #CheesePull photo on fleek. We all know Chicago is about hotdogs, too, so we couldn’t let our pizza be outshined by the classic Portillo’s hot dogs. And we were told by multiple people that a visit to Portillo’s would not be complete without a “cake shake.” Yes, this is what it sounds like: a chocolate shake with a legit piece of chocolate cake blended into it. It was so decadent that we weren’t able to finish it even sharing between two people. But do not fret, we walked a couple thousand more steps along Lake Michigan and the Magnificent Mile to make room in our stomachs for more food. The next stop was recommended to me by a friend from elementary school who happened to go to college in Chicago and is a huge foodie. I knew her recommendations could be trusted. She said, “go to XOCO, a Rick Bayless restaurant where they fry churros to order.” Say no more. O. M. G. these were so good. Plus, a little cup of chocolate to dip them in?! No words.

Dinner was also fantastic, and recommended to me by a local friend of mine. We went to La Sirena Clandestina, a Brazilian/latin place in a different, up-and-coming neighborhood of Chicago, Fulton Market. Google moved into the neighborhood a few years ago and brought a very Williamsburg-y market along with it. Along with the trendy techies come trendy chefs. And the food was FABULOUS. It helped that my friend knew the manager and they brought us PLATTERS of free steak and chorizo. I’m a sucker for anything free. But free and delicious? I was sold. Of course no dinner is complete without a post-dinner drink, so we went across the street to Swift & Sons and met up with another friend of mine who actually lives in New Jersey, but for some reason I hadn’t seen him in years. Nothing like a business trip hundreds of miles away to bring friends together!

HISTORY & INNOVATION

The coolest part of our business trip was a visit to 1871, a startup incubator and center for technology and entrepreneurship in Chicago. As part of our work convention, we took a field trip to their headquarters for a panel discussion on innovation and technology, and then a presentation from their CEO about the future. The company is named after the Great Chicago Fire of 1871, and about what happened afterward, when engineers, architects and inventors came together to build a new city. It was founded in 2012 to support Chicago’s digital startup community and it has become the hub for the city’s technology and entrepreneurial ecosystem. The actual office space is a huge, open-office 150,000 square foot facility. The technology of the office, even the water machines, are unparalleled. The talk from the CEO was enthralling, interesting, and a bit scary. He talked about how everything we know now is changing, and it’s changing quickly. I don’t really think of Chicago as a place of innovation or technology start-ups, but simply being in this space changed my mind.

The entire city’s history is based around the fire of 1871, but there is also a lot more. Coming off a trip to Spain, of course I realize America’s history is incredibly brief relative to any country in Europe, but it is still interesting to see history of my own country’s cities. After the work convention, my coworker and I went on a free walking tour in Chicago, where our guide was a spunky, awesome girl in her late 20’s with a passion for Chicago. She showed us sites all around “The Loop” including theaters, old department stores, street art and sculptures created specifically by artists for Chicago. She also showed us the beginning (and end!) of Historic Route 66. We ended our tour at The Bean, aka Cloud Gate, because of course, and she taught us how it was supposed to look like a drop of mercury. Makes sense!

SEGWAYS

Segway everywhere!! There’s only one thing I love more than Segways: introducing other people to my love of Segways. I forced my coworker to take a Segway tour because I found an awesome deal on Groupon. She loved it! Who wouldn’t?! We went on a 2-hour tour of downtown Chicago, where we rode past Soldier Field and learned about its history as a National Historic landmark, we went by the Shedd Aquarium and learned about the oldest captive fish, 90-Something-Year-Old Granddad, who died last year, and we went by the Field Museum. Our tour guide was awesome, and he told us about the more than 8,000 acres of public parks (more than 8% of the city!). But the best part of a Segway tour is always the Segways. I love those things. I obviously did not follow our guide’s instructions and took plenty of selfies/selfie videos while in motion (big no-no). I also gave at least 10 high fives to pedestrians as I rolled by. I can’t wait for my next Segway opportunity! And our guide was fab at photo-taking. Check it out below, #NoFilter!

Chicago was a slamming success, but I had to go home to do laundry and prepare for Spain. #FirstWorldProblems. More about that trip later!

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