I’d like to take a quick break from ice cream reviews to update you on the countdown until my big 3-0. TEN DAYS!!! And Sunday is the beginning of Gemini season, so as they say in one of my favorite movies, GIRD YOUR LOINS. According to the always-reliable Wikipedia, Geminis have a “volatile temperament,” but that is only the beginning of it. According to astrostyle, geminis “fly their freak flags at full mast.” I’m not sure I’m a huge fan of that characterization, however true it may be. A Gemini is characterized by the symbol of The Twins. Most people take this to mean that they have multiple personalities and you never know which one you will get. Famous Geminis include Kanye West, MK & A Olsen, Tupac, and of course my birthday twins, Melo (3 years before me) and JFK (70 years before me, he’d be 100 this year!!). And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for Geminis — ask what you can do to avoid them. And their unpredictable personalities.
I am not totally sure if I believe in Zodiac signs, but I’d like to explore what it means to be a Gemini, and whether the double personality thing has become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Some people interpret this “dual nature” to mean that you are two-faced, but I don’t really think that’s true. For me, I think it means that I have a good side and a bad side, and it’s a one-way street. You can be on my good side, and get dropped to the bad one. But if you’re on the bad one, it’s over for you. Example: my cheating ex-boyfriend. 10 years later, he could save me from a bus pummeling toward me, and he’d still be on my bad side. Alternatively, he could get run over by that same exact bus, in front of me, and I wouldn’t bat an eye.
I will say, however, that if you are on my good side, I will bend over backwards for you and I believe I’m a pretty good friend. You’ll have to ask a few people to verify this opinion, but in general, if you’re on my good side, you can always count on me. There is no in between. Ex-boyfriends, ex-roommates, there’s no question each of you know which side you stand on. If you aren’t sure, ask yourself this one simple question: Do I speak to anymore? Mystery solved.
My big sis is also a Gemini, and I’m not sure what her thoughts are on her zodiac sign, besides the fact that I stole her thunder by coming into the world a few days before her 5th birthday (what an a-hole, AMIRITE?). My family is full of Geminis, in fact, 2 of my 4 cousins are Geminis as well. Maybe my family just chooses to procreate around the same season and all this astrology stuff is BS. All I know for sure is, don’t get on my bad side, you’ll regret it… FOREVER.
Week 1 of #30Years30IceCreams has officially come to a close and all I can say is WOAH. According to everything my mom said growing up, with the amount of sugar I have consumed I should be hyper for weeks, but I am exhausted. It’s a lot of work eating that much ice cream! I think I have picked up about 20 new Instagram followers, and zero blog subscribers (looking at YOU Pop Bar employees who said you’d subscribe! WTF!). Meanwhile, my 30th birthday looms closer every day, and I am trying to take advantage of whatever is left of my waning metabolism rate.
TL;DR
7 days down, 7 ice creams consumed, so I am right on track. I taught spinning on Monday, Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday, and attended a class on Saturday. Overall, I probably still gained 5 pounds, so I’m right on track with that, too. My mom is V proud, in case you were wondering.
I went to Holey Cream on Sunday, Häagen-Dazs on Tuesday, Emack and Bolio’s on Wednesday, and then Morgenstern’s, Soft Swerve, Dominique Ansel, AND Pop Bar on Saturday. Best photo award goes to Holey Cream with honorable mention to DA, and best flavor goes to Soft Swerve, but each one had something great to boast (HELLOOO Häagen-Dazs was free, my favorite price). Speaking of price, I created a new tag on my mint.com for money spent on ice cream, so I’ll keep you apprised of that situation as well. It all tastes better than vodka though, and I haven’t had any time to drink, so at least there’s that. See, mommy? Not all bad things coming out of this adventure.
I brought along a couple friends throughout the week to share the sugar, calories, and dollars spent. If you try this at home, I highly recommend bringing sharing buddies. For Holey Cream, I had my emoji-bf in tow, and on Saturday, 2 friends did a spin class with me at Peloton (fittingly themed the #RideOfShame) before we embarked on our ice cream journey so we could spin away a few calories. Emphasis on FEW.
Saturday was pouringggg rain all day long. My toes were wet and frozen before we even started tasting ice cream, but it was totally worth it because there were no lines! Nothing scares away a line-loving tourist like 17 hours of nonstop rain. But as they say at the USPS, “Neither snow nor rain nor heat nor gloom of night stays these couriers from the swift completion of their appointed rounds.” In plain English, we were determined. And rewarded! We had some great surprises along the way: Soft Swerve gave us free stickers to put on our cones (helllooo insta), we found an Empanada Mama along the way for a mid-sugar-coma-break, it happened to be the Cronut’s 4th birthday, so Dominique Ansel had free treats, AND Pop Bar had a 7-foot popsicle on the wall for photo opps. Speaking of photos, make sure you scroll through all the ratings and commentary to see the fabulous pictures! Without further ado, Week 1 of #30Years30IceCreams.
This was the official start of my ice cream tour. I dragged my boyfriend here (see below) as a quick dessert date, and boy am I glad I did, this thing was HUGE. Sharing required. The wall was painted with the steps to make your masterpiece, although the workers didn’t follow them in order. FAKE NEWS. Gist of it was 1- pick a doughnut 2 – pick an ice cream flavor 3 – pick an icing 4 – pick a topping. There weren’t actually doughnut choices, so that made my life easier, as decisions are not my strong suit (why do you think I’m going to ALL of these ice cream places instead of picking a few?) My emoji-faced-boyfriend basically only likes cookies and cream ice cream, so that step was decided for me. Then we picked Nutella as icing, and rainbow jimmy sprinkles, because Instagram. Obvi. Ultimately, I’m not a huge fan of donuts so I was pleasantly surprised with this deliciousness. The ice cream was just regularly scooped, so nothing great on texture. Definitely recommend, if at least for the photo and the quantity.
The steps that were loosely followed to make our masterpiece.
I mean, COME ON. This looks too good to eat. But we ate it anyway.
This wasn’t on my original list but #IfItsFreeItsForMe (one of my life mottos). Free Cone Day was this past Tuesday, and it couldn’t have been more perfect timing. It was my one day off from spinning all week, which left me plenty of time to wait in line. (More on my increased Spin schedule to compensate for these calories at a later time.) I went to the HD across from Columbia, which was probably a dumb move, since college students have no money to BUY ice cream and plenty of time to wait for it. Oh well. The line took 20 minutes and I brought a book. Plus, maybe we saved some bees while we were at it. Häagen-Dazs wanted their “customers” to “pay it forward by planting wildflowers native to their region to help keep bees buzzing,” according to their news release. I got midnight cookies and cream, which was delicious but sort of hard in texture. Also I don’t really care for cones but I felt I could throw it away and save some calories because it was free. #WinWin. Also #Waste but oh well.
Long Lines. Note the backpacks. So many students!
#WorthIt
And they had their own snapchat filter! Totally made it even better!
This place is known for its dipped cones. I picked fruity pebbles because I liked it as an Eggloo topping a few months ago, and it’s pretty for a photo. For the ice cream, I picked Space Cake, which is cake batter ice cream with short bread cookie pieces and chunks of red velvet cake. Sounds amazing, right? Well, it looked amazing. The ice cream was good, not too hard, not too soft, but also nothing too special. The cake batter did taste like cake batter, not very sweet, so it depends what you like. Gearing up for a full week of sugar, I was thankful for the lack of sweetness. Full disclosure, I am not a huge cone-lover, and this place is specifically known for its cones, but even knowing that, I was #NotImpressed. The cone was hard and the fruity pebbles tasted a bit stale. Overall rating: eh.
I’ve seen pictures of this dark black ice cream for ages and I always wanted to try it. I didn’t even know what flavor it was. Good news: it wasn’t licorice, which I was dreading. Bad news: it was coconut ash, which literally got EVERYTHING black: napkins, hands, shirt, and teeth!! If you thought red wine teeth were bad, I looked like I’d been smoking cigarettes for 300 years and then used tar as mouthwash (see below). But it tasted great. It was a subtle flavor and incredibly creamy. They hand-make each batch, so they are served out of these little containers that look like leftovers. I felt bad asking for a sample because they had to take out those containers, but the workers didn’t seem to mind. There was a middle-aged man in a full suit there, who brought a photographer to take pictures of him eating ice cream. I asked him if it was for his new tinder pic, but he said they were “making a zine.” Then he sauntered out, photographer and pink pocket square in tow. New York is so weird.
Mini batches of ice cream in containers.
SO BLACK. Soon to be melted on everything.
Many flavors, but that black is so impressive. Also, note the constant phones and photo-taking.
My sharing buddies for the day. Thank goodness.
The melting began early.
I’m pretty sexy. I’m aware. I’m also still sweaty. No wonder my bf insists on being covered in emojis.
“New York’s Yammiest Ice Cream.” Also the creamiest. I went with the swirl ube purple yam and macapuno coconut in a black chocolate cone. The workers here were so friendly, and they offered multiple times for us to try any or all of the 4 flavors. Extra points there (figurative points, since I’m not actually rating service). I tried the matcha, didn’t love it, but I think that’s just because I don’t love matcha in general. The ube was awesome and I loved the purple color! Again I got a cone, but only for the photo. It was supposedly “black chocolate” but it tasted like cardboard to me (loss of points for flavor/lies there). But where they lost in cone flavor, they won in creamy soft serve. Plus they gave us stickers to put on the napkin around out cone. Looked beautiful on my Instagram.
My research paid off. If anyone looked through my google search history at this point, they’d definitely think I was a diabetic at best, someone starring on My 600 Pound Life at worst. But guess what, it worked. Because I found this off-menu gem by stalking their Instagram. In fact, after I ordered it, multiple people were staring and asking what it was. First of all, you can’t go wrong with a DKA (“Dominique’s Kouign Amann”). In their words, it’s a “tender, flaky, croissant-like dough with a caramelized crunchy crust.” In my words, it’s AMAZING. Then add salted caramel ice cream??? (There was a choice of vanilla or chocolate too, but come on, duh.) Then we added a side of a chocolate chip cookie and milk shot. Better than rum, if you ask me. AND to make it even better, it was the 4th birthday of the cronut (who knew?! Well, YOU would have, too, if you followed their instagram) so they brought out free cronut holes in special flavors to everyone in line! As I have said before, #IfItsFreeItsForMe. It was still pouring rain, so the line only took 4 minutes. During that 4 minute wait, we got to eat free cronut holes and watch a pastry chef using a blowtorch to make their famous frozen s’mores on a stick (it’s literally served on a smoked willow wood branch). AWESOME experience overall.
Pouring rain, but the garden was open!
My eyes were on the cronut… 4th birthday celebration!
Action shot of the free cronut holes as they were passed out.
This thang was HUGE.
Insta of my Insta! #PicturePerfect
YUM YUM YUM.
Popbar – Handcrafted Gelato on a Stick – (@popbar) May 13, 2017
Aesthetic (7) Flavor (4) Texture (4) Overall (6)
This was our last stop of the day, and luckily it wasn’t too too sweet because I was about to collapse from hyperglycemia. They had many choices for gelato, all made with real fruit and a few ingredients. They are all also kosher (you hear that, rabbis?), gluten and preservative free, and have no artificial coloring. We went with the chocolate banana gelato stick, and dipped it in dark chocolate, then hazelnuts on one side, and pistachios on the other. The texture was hard, tasted more like a popsicle and less like gelato. The flavor was subtle, which is good after 3 other ice creams, but I probably wouldn’t go there if I was craving something sweet. It wasn’t my favorite of the day, and it was very difficult to hold and take photos, which is always determinative to my final rating (one more shoutout here to the loopy cell phone case). They did have a cute oversized popsicle for photo opps, though (see below).
This place was so beautiful!
Our popsicles looked like minis next to this massive thing!
Are YOU a popaholic?
Wall decorations.
Snapchat’s new geofilters. It knew where I was! #BigBrother probably thinks I’m morbidly obese.
We made it! Ice cream buddies made it to 4 places in one day, in the pouring rain, ankle brace included. Great success!
I had zero ice creams yesterday, so I’m already officially behind for the week. To be continued…
In case you did not know, I am turning 30 HUGE years old in exactly 18 days (but who’s counting). Since I tend to quote Friends at least 3 times a day, I started to think about The One Where They All Turn 30, and how Phoebe accomplished all of her goals by the time she turned 30 (except one), including bouncing one mile on a Hippity Hop. If you have been following my blog, you will know that I ran a half marathon 2 weeks ago. That was really the only thing I had set to accomplish. But then I remembered the draft email I had made last year with ice cream places I wanted to visit in New York, food capital of the world, and also the city in which I happen to reside. This seemed like a much more fun thing to accomplish than running 13 miles. The list had about 15 places on it, but I am a firm believer in “go big or go home,” so I decided to add on. My list now exceeds 30 places.
The rest is history, I found my #ThisIs30 endeavor: it begins with copious amounts of calories, and indubitably ends in a sugar coma.You can follow my quest in real-time here on this google map. I don’t even have a sweet tooth. I can eat an entire bag of hot Cheetos and Takis in one sitting, but I am also the annoying girl who eats 2 bites of a cookie and puts it back (ask my mom, it INFURIATES her). This is not really an idyllic mission for me, but that’s where the challenge comes in.
Ideally I would have liked to hit 30 places by the time I turned 30 (May 29), but I started 7 days late (May 7), so I decided to settle for 30 places within 30 days (by June 6). I am currently taking all suggestions for hashtags for this epic quest (WRITE THEM IN THE COMMENTS!), but for now, you can follow my adventures at #30Years30IceCreams. I am also taking applications for ice cream buddies, as I have already realized I will need to share ice cream if I even attempt to finish this.
I will update you weekly on my progress. Since Sunday, I have experienced three (I AM SO BEHIND) and I will post a week-end summary on Mondays. I will be reviewing each mission on a scale of 1-10 in 4 categories: (1) Aesthetic (2) Flavor (3) Texture (4) Overall. At the end, I will rank them. Quick disclaimer here that I am not a professional food critic. But I am human, and I do have taste buds, so I’m pretty sure I qualify as something (obese by the end of this, most likely).
Last year when I started my list, I tried to go to some of the places, but without as much drive as I have now. I will begin here by reviewing the places I went to in the past year, butbefore I began my official adventure. These technically do not count toward the challenge but ALSO TECHNICALLY they are ice creams, and I did have them by the time I turned 30, so without further ado… #30Years30IceCreams.
This place is awesome. Hands down. It was my first foray into rolled ice cream (more to come, do not fret), and it was totally worth it. First of all, it’s dinner and a show (or dessert, at least). They make it right in front of you. Pouring, spreading, crushing toppings, mixing in, spreading again, rolling, stacking in the cup… it’s a lot of manual labor. Definitely deserves an extra tip. And the texture – WOAH. This ice cream, since it is never sitting in a big freezer vat, is SO CREAMY. I’ll admit, I only went to this place for the photo (who can resist a good Instagram), but the texture completely blew me away. Worth it, worth it, worth it. The only reason this place isn’t a 10 is because I am waiting for that PERFECT ice cream. I’m determined.
Ok, so this technically isn’t ice cream. But it has ice cream in it, and it looks AWESOME. Everyone has seen photos of these online, so of course it was #1 on my list last year. Unfortunately, there wasn’t much to boast about after the photo. I had seen so many options of milkshakes in the photos online and on Instagram, so I was disappointed when I arrived and there were only 3 choices. We picked the prettiest one (as one does, since the photo is obvi the most important part). The flavor was so-so. We got cookies and cream, which was fine, but nothing to blog about. The cotton candy was eh. The candies stuck to outside were not good at all. Sort of like off-brand fake M&M’s your weird neighbor gives you on Halloween , and you then give away to your younger brother. Overall disappointing, but worth the photo.
Soft Serve + Summer = disaster. It was super hot in the place, and it melted so fast, we barely got a good photo. TRAVESTY. I mean, why else are we here? Also, NAPKINS GUYS. Do not forget. The place is super small, so you order and then GTFO. Do not forget the napkins before you flee. The churro cone was too hard and crumbled everywhere. Since we had to eat outside, a bird pooped on me while we ate. TBH this probably had an effect on my overall rating. Luckily I had one lone napkin left.
I had lived in New York for 6 years and never been here, but then I went twice in a month because I had people visiting. (New Yorkers: we all do this, right? Ignore everything in our city until someone comes to visit and begrudgingly go to the Top of the Rock with them? It is a cool view, though.). Anyway, the frozen hot chocolate was not technically ice cream. It counts though. I thought it would taste like a chocolate milkshake, but it actually tastes like frozen hot chocolate. So A+ on lack of #alternativefacts. It looks pretty, too. And it’s HUGE. But practically speaking, that’s a lot of whipped cream, and a heck of a lot of “hot” chocolate. It could have used some pizzazz. Like a waffle or something (see below).
Eggloo – Amazing Hong Kong Egg Waffle Ice Cream (@myeggloo) Jan. 22, 2017
Aesthetic (10) Flavor (9) Texture (8) Overall (9)
Yes, yes, yes, yes, YES. So good. You had me at waffle. Add Fruity Pebbles and Pocky and Oreos on ice cream? I died and went to heaven. And then I came back because I still have a lot of ice cream to try. But seriously, go to this place. And it basically counts as breakfast, because waffles. Duh. The texture with the waffle-ice cream combo is amazing. The waffle didn’t get as soggy as I thought it would get. I will warn you that it’s a bit awkward to simultaneously hold and eat and take a photo (fork for the waffle? or spoon for the ice cream? loopy case for phone-holding?) so bring your dexterity skills.
This concludes my (retrospective) first installment of #30Years30IceCreams. Follow my progress here, and I will be posting a Week 1 recap on Monday. If I do not, or if I am MIA from Instagram for a full day, call EMS. And alert them that it is most likely my insulin levels. Wish me luck.
Underwhelming Black Tap milkshake. Do not recommend.
Beautiful churro cones at Chikalicious. They melted approximately 1.3 seconds later.
Very melty churro cones. Post bird poop incident.
Serendipity 3 Frozen Hot Chocolate. MASSIVE.
My first visiting friend and our frozen treat.
My second visiting friend. This is taken post-workout, as most of my ice cream adventures are, because #balance.
Any holiday can be a drinking holiday if you try hard enough.
Me trying to stop drinking and save money.
HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!! How much money am I going to spend today on margaritas? It’s no secret that drinking is expensive. And living in NYC, there are so many other things that cost money. You’re always either paying with time or money, and since no one ever has any time, the question is always how to save money. Recently, I started using mint.com, and I have not been more addicted to a website since I discovered Facebook. I have the app and I sign on twice a day. It’s that serious.
Here’s how you use mint:
First, you import all of your accounts. So easy having everything in one place!
Then you create settings so they email you every time a large purchase is made. What an awesome idea! You can keep an eye on your credit card security!
Then, you go through every single transaction you made and you create categories. The OCD in me LOVES this step. Carefully put each expense in a category. Such a sense of satisfaction when everything is labeled!
Things are fabulous! Ease of use, fraud alerts, categories, color coding, SO FUN!
And it IS all fun and games until you realize that it’s your actual money and that your “net worth” (which is the largest number on the screen, front and center) is approximately $-100K in the hole. Not so fun anymore. Quick reminder here again not to go to law school. Cue self-hatred and regret.
This morning I ran 13.1 miles for the very first time. Have you ever done this? Are you considering it? If you are, then stop considering it right now because I did it for you, and I’ll tell you exactly what it was like in real, stream-of-consciousness thoughts:
6:30 am: **alarm** Ok. I’m awake. Step one done. Now I can do this race. Ok, no I can’t. But at least I didn’t press snooze. I’m doing better than a work day.
7:10 am: Eggs made, outfit on. I may actually be on time. But I have to do my hair and it must be perfect or I will break my leg running or faint or something.
7:20 am: OMG how did I just do my hair well in ten minutes on the first try? This is a good omen. I’m not going to die. Should I put my house key in my zipper pocket? Or should I tie it on my left shoe like usual? My shoe might annoy me. My pocket though, that’s not good for my OCD. Ok I need to just decide or I’m going to be late. When did I get this superstitious?
7:50 am: Start line. I think I’m going to poop my pants. UGH I hate Porta Potties. Must. Not. Poop. Pants. Where are all the cute guys? Oh yeah, it’s a women’s only race. Are there really 9,399 other females here? Are we all crazy? This is why guys don’t date us. Because almost 10,000 of us wake up before dawn on a Sunday to run around a park multiple times.
Gear is all set to go #flatrunner (a new term I learned)
Hair was lookin’ fly. And ALWAYS with a bow. Thanks Youtube tutorial!
At the start line. Does my face say, “I’m going to poop myself?”
Mile 1: Why are there so many people? Hopefully it thins out soon. Wait, why is every single person passing me? Oh yeah, because I’m in way too fast of a corral. How demoralizing. Blame my ankle sprain. Only 12.1 to go.
Mile 3: This isn’t too bad. But where’s the water station? I shouldn’t have passed up that first one. I knew I would regret that. Damnit damnit damnit. It’s ok. I’m ok. SHIT. 10.1 more miles?? That’s more than 10!! It’s ok. I’m ok I’m cursing a lot for mile 3. 10.1 to go…
Mile 4: Harlem Hill. FML. I think I can, I think I can. *Sees spectator with sign “Top of the Hill”* OMG I think the messiah has officially come. **sees sign for mile marker 10** OMFG I have to do this hill AGAIN? After 6 more miles? FRACK.
Mile 7: Ok I am absolutely killin it. I ran the whole first lap without walking (except for water breaks). How am I still with the 1:55 pacer? I’m running way too fast. Then again, my brother said to just go with it if I find myself going faster than expected. Also, there are approximately 4,000 females ahead of me. Ok, I’m not going too fast after all.
Mile 8: Where the hell are my friends and my boyfriend? I swear if they said they were going to cheer me on and they don’t show up, I’ll be PISSED. OOOH. That was good. Keep that anger. Anger = Speed. Be mad. Be very very mad.
Mile 9: I’m done. Ok. Well, that was fun. You think I can just wave my race number like a surrender flag? Oh crap, that girl just fainted. “Um, NYRR volunteer? Yes, um, that girl over there? She just fainted.” I haven’t fainted yet so I’m still ok. I can do this. Don’t faint. Don’t faint.
Mile 10: Harlem Hill AGAIN? You’ve got to be kidding me. I was hoping the park topography would change in the hour since I was here last time. No such luck.
Mile 11: OMG RUN CLUB!!! LULU RUN CRU!! Pretend not to look dead. Look strong. Pretend you are not dying a slow, painful death from the feet upward. REMEMBER INSTAGRAM *blow kisses* *smiles* *waves to friends*
Mile 12: YESSS FRIENDS AND BOYFRIEND!!! AND A SIGN JUST FOR ME!! I CAN DO THIS!!
Mile 13: WHYYYYYY is there a .1? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHO MADE THIS RACE 13 POINT ONE?!
Finish: Did I die? *takes selfie* Omg I didn’t die. Must. Ice. Ankle. But first, I will jump very high in the air multiple times for Instagram because this is never happening again. Probably. Maybe…
Post-Race thoughts:
I’m going to eat ALL OF THE FOOD today.
Thank god my shower has handicapped railings in it.
I’m so glad my boyfriend came to support me because it would have really sucked to have to break up with him.
People who run full marathons must take crazy pills.
So yeah, I don’t necessarily recommend it. But I did get a medal. And a great excuse to eat carbs for 7 days (carb-loading goes on for a week, right?). Please feel free to tell me how incredibly proud of me you are in the comments.
Cameo from an instastory, blowing kisses to Lulu Run Cru around mile 11 (ankle on fire! Fake it til you make it!).
I DID IT!!! Selfie at the Finish Line.
Must. Eat. All. Of. The. Things.
My Amazing Cheer squad (and mystery boyfriend).
This sign was EPIC. And supposedly it confused a couple of the runners (unfort. there was no sample sale). GREAT motivation nonetheless.
My loyal boyfriend who I don’t have to dump because he woke up at 7 am to cheer me on.
Not sure how I managed to jump that high after 13.1 miles. Real miracles happening in Central Park
I’m training for a half marathon. I’m actually going to run 13.1 miles. In 6 days. How, you ask? GOOD QUESTION.
I never considered myself a runner. More often, I’m a professional running spectator (see above, also, more on my FAMOUS signs later). In fact, I have said “I’m not a runner” more times than I can count. True tidbit: as soon as I decided to run this race, I spent more time on amazon.com looking for a tank top that said “I Hate Running” than I spent actually ever training for this race.
However, that is not to say I have never run before. I have been teaching fitness classes for 11 years and I go to a weekly free run club with lululemon. (More on my love for luxtreme another time). More than 13 miles, though? That’s for crazy people. And now, I guess, for me. A few weeks ago, I went on a 12.5 mile run (I know… psychotic). At mile 9, an ambulance from Central Park Medical Unit drove right by me, and I swear they slowed down just a bit when they saw me trudging along. Just in case. Unfortunately, I sprained my ankle last weekend, which will no doubt slow me down even more. Luckily, I have my trusty CPMU friends from that last run. Good news is, now they already know me 😉
You know how some people have crazy superstitious rituals before sports games to make sure they win? Well I have those crazy rituals before my training runs. You know, to make sure I survive. And no, I don’t just mean that I double check that my headphones work.
Here is a list of things I do before my runs in order of least crazy to most crazy:
Double tie my shoes.
Fill a water bottle. Plastic. Must not be the first time using it. I know, I know, bad idea, blahblah, but it’s a compulsion!!
Sit on my @$$ for at least 2 hours. If I accidentally go for a walk, I must start my sitting ritual again. (I can’t go for a run on not-fresh legs, DUH!)
Make sure my house key is on my left shoe, in between the first knot and the bow. ALWAYS.
Braid my hair. No I do not mean REGULAR, run-of-the-mill braid. It must be fun-looking. Also, it must ALWAYS be different. I have taken to watching youtube tutorials about braiding specifically for this purpose. Dutch Braid Headband? PIECE OF CAKE. Waterfall braid? CHECK. Ladder braid? Still a work in progress. I am not kidding about this, though. I have even taken to hashtagging my snapchats #GoodBraidGoodRun, as a super fun, lighthearted way of saying “I have an OCD problem related to my running rituals.”
More self-braids
DIY practice run hair
DIY race hair
Why am I sharing these tidbits with you? Do I recommend them for people trying to train for a half marathon? No. Definitely not. Do as I say, not as I do. Or something like that.
I guess this is just as an FYI so you feel a little less crazy when you do crazy things. Plus, there are people even crazier than me out there. Like people who run actual full marathons. WHY?
And yet, every first Sunday of November, every year, I am out on the NYC Marathon course cheering on the runners. I was even featured once in Buzzfeed for my amazing signage (#30). So please, cheer me on! CENTRAL PARK, THIS WEEKEND, SUNDAY April 30th. It’ll give me someone to show off my fancy braid skills to, besides my Instagram. (Have you added me yet?) WISH ME LUCK IN THE COMMENTS, and I’ll see you on the course!!
My sign from Buzzfeed FAME.
These columns are about to be switched.
Borderline Inapprop.
Not so single anymore. Also not a spectator, come Sunday!!
Living in New York for almost 7 years, I would not consider myself a native or an expert at all (I still have NO IDEA where the J train even goes… does anyone take that train?). However, I have picked up some very useful tidbits along the way. You can use them if you live in NYC, or you can use them if you’re visiting and you don’t want to be automatically targeted as a tourist by a panhandler.
BEWARE THE EMPTY SUBWAY CAR. This is not a drill. As with everything in this city, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I once didn’t see anyone in a car and when I got in, I realized I was in the apartment of a man. I swear I think he had a full kitchen with a Bunsen burner in there. TBH, I was a little jealous of his low/nonexistent rent payments. Main problem, of course, is that he didn’t have a shower. You get it.
Sidenote: Even if the subway car IS 100% empty, you’ll probably just spend the whole ride waiting for the anyone else to get on, and wondering if you’ll be the next person “ripped from the headlines” for Law and Order SVU. Rule of thumb: just avoid the empty cars.
BEWARE THE FULL SUBWAY CAR. Especially in the summer. I know I sound like a hypocrite here, but is a happy medium too much to ask for? Trust me, loose hair, sweaty bodies, arms in the air… It’s all just a bad combination. If the next train is coming in 3 minutes, do yourself a favor and wait.
If you see a young person standing in the middle of the sidewalk in a pinnie holding an Ipad, CROSS THE STREET. I don’t care if it’s for the ASPCA, and they asked you if have “30 seconds for the animals” and if you LOVE animals. It never takes 30 seconds. NEVER. You’ll probably end up $10 poorer with 5 emails/week from change.org. Just put in those earbuds, and avoid eye contact.
Speaking of earbuds, never leave home without them. There’s nothing that calls out “TOURIST” more than a person without earbuds. Why are you taking in the sights and sounds? The sights: dirty. The sounds: loud. There, now you know. And I saved you 10 minutes shooing away hecklers asking you to go to a “free” comedy show.
Free stuff abounds. I know what you’re thinking, how can there be free stuff in the most expensive city in the USA? Well here’s how: you pay for it in time. Last week there was free ice cream at Ben & Jerrys… for anyone who was willing to wait on a line that was 2 avenues long. Free movies? That too. Free tickets to shows? That too. But be prepared to wait. If there’s one thing New Yorkers love to do, it’s queue. And get something for free.
Mystery-depth slush lagoons in the winter. There are many articles in the Gothamist about this particular near-death phenomenon. Invest in some rain boots, unless you love sitting at work for 10 hours in soaking wet, freezing, gray/black pants.
Garbage day in the summer. AVOID AVOID AVOID. You know those gas masks you see people wearing in China because of the smog? I’ve considered investing in one. Yes, it’s that bad.
City juice. You know when you’re walking down the street and something wet hits your shoulder. And you think, “Hm, I didn’t think it was supposed to rain today” and then you look up and there isn’t a cloud in the sky… and then you think “maybe it was from a window AC unit,” but there aren’t any of those either… My advice: pretend it didn’t happen. Then, when you get home, take a nice, long shower.
Shoes. Nothing makes you stand out more in NYC than shoes you can’t walk in. New York is one of the only places you will see people walk around in fashionable clothes and comfy kicks. You really can’t afford not to. How else will you wade through the slush lagoons and trash piles?
Feel free to leave any other advice in the comments. Like I said, I’m still learning so if you have any pro-tips (like how to avoid sweating through your clothes before you get to the office in August), let me know.
Welcome to LongLegsBigCity! This blog will be a combination of things I encounter living in New York City, as well as problems of the almost-30-year-old city dweller (more about me here). It’s a broad subject, so instead of telling you more about what it will be, I’ll tell you what it definitely is NOT:
A Health Blog. I have been a fitness instructor for almost 11 years, and I love to work out, but I enjoy Halal Guys and fro yo way too much to write about health. Everything in moderation, right? More on my love for all-things-Halal coming soon.
A Fashion Blog. In High school, I wore Soffe cheerleading shorts and XL t-shirts every day to school. I was not a cheerleader. My style has not evolved much since then. I’ve upgraded my athleisure to lululemon but I still #LiveInActivewear. (Watch that video, you won’t regret it.)
A Travel Blog. Sometimes I go places, but it’s usually for friends’ weddings. And I definitely do not have the funds to go places just so I can blog about them. But if anyone wants to sponsor me…
A Dating Blog: I will tell you about the trials and tribulations I had for 5 years dating in New York (TRUST ME, I have enough material for a lifetime), but I’m no longer dating. Read: I have a boyfriend but he won’t let me talk about him.
A Legal Advice Blog. The one piece of legal advice I have: DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL. Unless of course, “drowning in debt” is something you have on your life checklist.
You now know 5 things this blog will not be. If you’re still intrigued, PLEASE SUBSCRIBE (box on the right-hand toolbar) and I hope to entertain you with my random ruminations.
