Travel – LongLegsBigCity

Catskills Getaway

March 2, 2026 1 Comment

I did not write a blog about our Christmas trip to Atlanta because despite seeing family and having bonding time, it was… not great. Everyone was sick, Toddler A slept terribly, we were all very stressed and cranky, and then we had a 16-hour flight delay when we returned due to snow in NYC. 5 days later, when Chris wanted to plan our travel for 2026, I was VERY wary. I was in no mood to travel ever again, nonetheless soon. But sometimes you just have to trust your spouse and suck it up, so we planned five trips for the first half of the year.

I’m so glad I let myself be vetoed, because last weekend we had the best trip we have had with Toddler A, and it wouldn’t have happened if I was stubborn. I’ll do a recap/postmortem at the end of this post about why I thought it went so well, because I have been reflecting for a week on how to make it happen again.

You may remember our Babymoon/MaybeMoon at Chatwal Lodge in the Catskills, well, it was Chris’s idea to go back there with Amari. At first, I was hesitant because there isn’t much to do there. Even the things that there are to do, are not baby-friendly. But then I realized that when we’re at home, he doesn’t do much either and he thrives with large spaces to run. There’s nothing larger than empty fields and rooms!

The trip started as every outing with children starts: late. Thankfully we only had to drive, so there were no flight delays, but we were trying out a new car seat, and since we are New Yorkers, every car trip means a new rental I have never driven or installed a car seat in. I tried to figure it out for an hour, and then I gave up and we ended up using our old car seat. Eventually we got on the road, and there was about 45 minutes of unexpected traffic which turned a 2-hour drive into a 3-hour drive. That’s a big difference with a toddler. But Ms. Rachel got us through, and we arrived just in time for dinner.

One of the best parts about this place is the food. The resort/hotel only has 14 rooms, and it is all-inclusive for food and non-alcoholic drinks. The food is so fresh and so amazing. Chris says it is the best food he has ever had at any hotel or resort, and better than at least 90% of the restaurants in NYC. That is extremely high praise, and I agree. They also had a kid’s menu, which I wasn’t expecting, so we could put in chicken fingers immediately for Toddler A while we chowed down on the first 3 courses ourselves. Surprisingly, Toddler A enjoyed a lot of our adult menu food, too, especially the bread with garlic and herb butter, and the potato leek soup. The only downside of multiple courses was that by the time we were finished with appetizers and starters and bread courses, Toddler A was totally done and wanted to be let out of his highchair. We worked around this as best as we could, eating our main courses in shifts and never once ordering a dessert but that’s ok.

We didn’t really need dessert because they had an entire “cozy concierge” menu for the room, which included room service warm chocolate chip cookies and milk. You could also order a bath kit and a teddy bear, both of which we took advantage of later in the weekend. After dinner, they drove us to our room for a room tour, where our bags were already there waiting for us. They valeted our car and for the rest of the weekend we just texted them, and they picked us up from our cabin within 5 minutes of texting. Not only was the crib already set up, but our cookies and milk were already there!

We decided to move the crib into the bathroom because 1: the bathroom was HUGE, and 2: it had a door, which we found from experience is mandatory. If Toddler A can see us, he will not sleep. The bathroom set up worked pretty well, with the main obstacle of actually having to pee during the night. We eventually figured out a solution involving tip-toeing and hand sanitizer. Surprisingly, Toddler A only woke up once every night, and always before 11 pm so we all got great sleep.

Everyone loves garlic butter, even toddlers.

Saturday, our first full day, also happened to be Valentine’s Day and our engage-iversary. If you’ve been here a while, you’ll remember that we got engaged at Bubby’s the place we had our first date. I had brought Chris a few gifts from Bubby’s including a beanie and pancake mix. Toddler A enjoyed pulling off the wrapping paper. We headed up to the main lodge for breakfast, where Toddler A again surprised me by trying lots of the adult food including bacon and sausage along with his yogurt pouch and new love: blueberries. After breakfast, we went to the downstairs of the lounge where we played a rousing game of hide and seek. I don’t think he had ever seen an area that large with so many corners to hide. I may have been more out of breath than he was! My Oura ring tracked me a workout. Then, we found the game room where Toddler A promptly found the puzzle with the most number of small pieces (1000), and dumped it on the ground. Fun times.

When we thought he was tired enough, we went back to our cabin, and we planned to try to get him to nap. You know what they say about the best laid plans.

This was not ideal for the rest of the day’s activities, but we made it work. We watched Zootopia in bed, we ran around, we blew bubbles on the porch, we ordered in lunch to the cabin while we watched Ms. Rachel, and we read Going on a Bear Hunt approximately 800 times.

I thought he would love taking a bath in the huge bathtub, but I was wrong. We switched off taking showers (couldn’t do that at night since Toddler A was sleeping in the bathroom), and then it was time for our romantic Valentine’s Day Dinner.

(Narrator: it was not romantic at all).

The dinner… did not go as planned. Remember, Toddler A had no nap, so by 6:30 pm, things were devolving quickly. We made a gametime decision to quickly order him some French fries and chicken fingers, then we ordered the rest of our dinner to the cabin so we could let him yell and run around without interrupting the other happy (quieter) couples. That may have been the best decision we made all weekend. We had our leisurely, and frankly, probably more romantic dinner in our cabin and there was no need to chase a toddler or worry about his volume, speed, or safety. I didn’t mention that the main lodge had about 100 candles burning everywhere, but that was another concern.

We had another surprisingly great night of sleep, complete with more tiptoe bathroom trips, and then we were on our second (and last!) full day. After our second fantastic breakfast, we decided to spend time in the Recreation Center. Last time we went to Chatwal, Chris and I spent a good amount of time at the Rec Center. We played pool and bowled and I did crafts there. We also participated in the nightly bonfire and s’mores. This trip was a little different.

Our main Rec Center activities this time were running, hide and seek, going up and down the stairs, and of course more running. Toddler A also enjoyed Jumbo Connect 4, but I think that was just because it meant we lifted him every time to drop in a chip. After lots of energy was expended, we went back to our cabin for nap time. On day 2, we learned from day 1’s lessons, and we did not even attempt to put A in the crib. I just let him snooze away on the king size bed next to me while I read my Kindle. It was a much more restful day for us all.

Post nap time, we played with the 2 toys I brought, a ball, and bubbles. Since Toddler A is just learning how to kick, he absolutely loved the ball. Also, bubbles were a huge hit since we don’t have an outdoor space at home to use them. Both activities were a success, and before we knew it, it was time to have a light room service lunch, finish Zootopia, shower, and get ready for more Rec Center time before dinner. Our room had a MASSIVE shower that I believe was larger than my first room in Manhattan. It had a built-in bench, which came in handy since I mentioned Toddler A despised the bath. The shower also made for a fantastic “hiding” spot for hide and seek despite the glass door (we have realized the “hide” part of “hide and seek” means something different to a toddler). Night 3 dinner went slightly smoother, but we were basically full by the time the main courses came out, which worked out well because Toddler A was also over it.

Our final morning was fun and uneventful, we packed as best as we could, while Toddler A actively took items out of our bags as soon as we put them in. We had a slow breakfast while they pulled our car around from the valet and loaded our bags and then we headed home and made it back to the city by naptime.

I promised at the end of this blog I would recap why I think this trip went so well, and I will be brief:

Low expectations. After our last few trips, I just expected chaos and lack of sleep. I was pleasantly surprised!
No Airports. I know I have said this before, but airports are no place for toddlers. There are too many people, and toddlers do not like being strapped in when they could be running up and down the terminal. Also, the hour+ drive to the airport + security line + waiting at the gate, + sitting on your lap the whole flight, just no. Air travel is hard.
No other people. I know, I know, it’s nice to see family and friends. And I’m still a semi-extrovert. But when traveling with or to people, you need to take other schedules into account. When the only schedule you need to stick to is your toddler’s, things go far smoother.
Sleep. I think it goes without saying that all things are more enjoyable when you are rested. Our toddler woke up once each night we were away, and every night it was prior to 11 pm, so we had 11:30-7:30 blessedly quiet and alone. This made for all-around happier campers.
BYO Food. The place we went had all inclusive food. But you can never depend on a toddler eating new foods, so we brought our own. Having pouches and his favorite cheese on hand was helpful. It also meant I didn’t need to stress about whether he’d eat at mealtimes with us.
Screens are FINE. We allow screens in the afternoon at home, usually around 4:30-6:30, but we run around while it’s on, play hide and seek, climb things, run away and come back, etc. If we suddenly said, “NO MS. RACHEL” on our trip, we may have had a mutiny on our hands. So instead, we just used that time to shower and get ready for dinner. It was great, and we icky-sticky-bubble-gummed through an hour of the afternoon.

We had fun, we ran around a lot. We relaxed, and we would definitely do it again.

Rec Center open space to play. SO many books to pull off the shelves.

Travel

Albania, Bosnia and Montenegro Part 2

November 25, 2025 3 Comments

I’m back with more travel content. This time I am writing a month after returning, so here’s hoping my post-2-babies brain remembers a few things. The photos help a lot! My friend’s and my shared Google album had 1,142 pictures in it!

Anyway, we left off my last post in Dubrovnik, where we had a jam-packed day in the old city. The next day was our final day in Dubrovnik, but again, we booked a tour to leave the city, actually the country! This meant yet another border crossing, and we were in for a surprise when we discovered that in the last 2 days since our previous border crossing, the entire EU had changed their rules and now required fingerprints or facial recognition. This slowed us down a bit, but we still made it to our destination: Bosnia!

Bosnia was not a place I ever considered visiting, but I am glad we went. We started the day in Mostar, where a local guide took us on a quick 1-hour tour. He was young (20) and told us that in 1995 when he was born, he was the only baby born in that hospital the entire year because the war had just finished. How insane that this was during my lifetime? It was so interesting to hear about his childhood while the country was being rebuilt. He told us that his school was across a river, but there were no bridges left standing after the war so for a few years until they were rebuilt, they had to swim across to school.

He took us to see two of the most popular sights in Mostar, the Stari Most bridge, and Kriva Cuprija, or the crooked bridge, which is a mini version of Stari Most that they made as a practice. Unfortunately, Stari Most was destroyed in the war, so although it is again complete, it is not original. Stari Most is known for its professional bridge divers. They collect money from tourists, and when they get enough, they jump. This is not for tourists to do, it is 90 feet high!! Unfortunately, we didn’t see anyone jump, but we saw someone gathering money for an eventual jump!

We ate a delicious lunch at a restaurant where our servers wore classic Bosnian clothing, and did some souvenir shopping, then headed to our next stop, the Kravica waterfalls in Herzegovina. While most people did not get in the water, my friend and I braved the 55-degree temps for a few minutes. YOLO! When else would we swim in a natural waterfall in former Yugoslavia? We dried off then headed back to the bus for our journey (and border crossing) back.

The next day was our biggest travel day: we were moving from Croatia to Albania, via Montenegro. We looked into all sorts of options to get from Point A to Point B, but the only one that made sense by time or money was to book a driver. We used a website called DayTrip that my friend found, it was so easy and went seamlessly. Our driver was nice, spoke perfect English and acted like a private tour guide!

We started the day by taking a surprise car ferry, where we were able to get out and enjoy the views on our 7-minute journey across the Bay of Kotor. Our driver took a great photo of us on the ferry deck. On the DayTrip website, we picked to add a stop in Montenegro, but in a different place than we had been a few days prior. My friend had seen a TikTok about an “alpine coaster,” a roller coaster that you control your own speed, on the side of a mountain. To get there, we took the longest cable car I had ever seen, and we got our own car. We literally ascended past the clouds.

The Dubrovnik Cable Car holds about 40 people, whereas the Kotor one is more like a ski lift where it is in constant motion (except once on the way down when it paused for 20 seconds and I nearly had a heart attack) and each car holds up to 6 people. We were alone in both directions and the views were breathtaking, at least before we were above the cloud cover.

At the top of the mountain, we discovered the best playground. It had 6 trampolines, a rope swing, and two multi-level slides. Of course, my friend and I had to jump on the trampolines and do the slides multiple times. It was SO fun and unexpected (and free). I wasn’t sure if I’d be strong enough to go up the jungle gym, or small enough to fit down the slide, but I was, and I did! After the playground, we went on the coaster, and it was thrilling… and scary. I definitely did NOT go as fast as I could have made it go. My friend, on the other hand, was obsessed with going the max speed, and even decided to go for a second run!

After our playground and coaster adventures, we worked up an appetite, so our tour guide/driver took us to one of his favorite restaurants in Montenegro. The serving size was HUGE. We had enough for breakfast and lunch the next day. We finished our journey in Shkoder, Albania, and said farewell to our driver.

Unfortunately, that’s when the drama began. A few hours prior, I had received a WhatsApp that our day trip the next day had been cancelled, but the message was so strange that I had ignored it, assuming it was fake. I had reason to think it could be fake, because my friend had a fake WhatsApp earlier in the trip where somehow, the texter had her information from Viator but wasn’t the official trip operator. However, after more investigating, I realized it was true, and our trip for the next day was in fact cancelled. We were supposed to do a river cruise on the Shala River, but due to the dam, the water levels in the river were too low for the journey.

The next 3 hours were a frenzy of us trying to rearrange our next 3 days, because we had no reason to be in Shkoder if not for that trip. After a lot of stress and MANY WhatsApp messages and calls to different tour guides, we decided on a plan: we would leave our Airbnb 1 night early in Shkoder (it was only $40/night/person), and we would change our transportation for our next part of the trip and go up to Theth, Albania early.

We went to sleep thankful for a slow next morning instead of our originally planned 6 am wakeup and leisurely got ready to sightsee in Shkoder. The first must-see attraction was Rozafa Castle. It’s 4000 years old and has gorgeous views. We walked around for an hour and took lots of photos and then went back to the city to walk on Rruga Kole Idromeno, (the pedestrian street) to get souvenirs, coffee, and snacks for our afternoon journey to the Albanian Alps.

We grabbed our bags and found our bus. Everywhere we traveled within Albania was an adventure. There was a language barrier, and it always seemed there were additional unplanned stops. On our way up to Theth, we first stopped at a hostel to get 4 cases of olive oil, and then we switched vans halfway up. Somehow, we figured out what was going on but it was not easy.

Eventually, we arrived at one of the most beautiful places my eyes had ever seen, Hotel Thethi. Everywhere I turned, it looked like a fairy tale. I don’t know how else to explain it besides that it seemed fake. We learned that the road we were on was only finished in 2021! Before that, it was rugged gravel, requiring a 4×4 vehicle. Our hotel was in the middle of NOWHERE and yet, it was 5-star luxury. The beds felt like clouds. The rain shower looked like something I’d seen on TikTok and never experienced IRL. It was unbelievable. I should mention… it looked like something I’d seen on TikTok because I did. I actually found this hotel through a TikTok when I was searching for people who had been to the north of Albania. When I saw how inexpensive it was, I knew we had to go. The rooms were under $100/night and included breakfast. As a nice surprise, we booked single rooms, but they gave us each huge king rooms because they had them available. I was so glad we decided to go for an extra night!

We relaxed in our rooms, took long showers, read books, scrolled our phones in bed, almost fell asleep, and then just when I didn’t think it could get better, it was dinner time.

Since we arrived by bus and we were in the isolated mountains, we didn’t really have options for dinner. Our options were: eat at the hotel restaurant or not eat. We decided to go to the hotel restaurant. We were not disappointed. The hotel is known for “Albanian hospitality,” and we didn’t really know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t a 7-course meal where each course was more delicious than the last. We tried so many traditional Albanian foods and loved them all.

We went back to our rooms to luxuriate in our comfortable beds and enter a food coma. Thankfully, we had a very late start the next morning. As we found out in our mad dash to reconfigure our itinerary, although there are amazing hikes in Theth, all of the trips originate in Shkoder. Our accommodation had said they could get someone to drop us at the trail head, but we wanted a hiking guide, and I’m glad we got one! Through some WhatsApp stalking, we were able to contact a guide whose tour began in Shkoder, and he swung by to pick us up from our hotel in Theth. While the bus started pickups at 7 am, we were leisurely picked up at 10 am after another fabulous breakfast compliments of our hotel.

I could not have wished for a better day. We made friends with our bus mates from Germany, France, Ireland and the US, and we saw the most spectacular scenery. Also, we got in a few great hikes. We started with a hike to the Blue Eye, which again, I heard about from TikTok. When we got out of the car and saw a bridge that looked like it was falling down, we joked that it was the way to the Blue Eye. HAHAHA. Except… it was. It was the scariest part of the hike, but the rest was pretty simple (with the help of our guide).

It took about 2 hours round trip, plus of course our break to swim. Once again, not a single person from our group got into the water except my friend and me. If we thought 58 degrees was cold, this was 44!! Everyone thought we were insane, but again, YOLO!

After a change out of wet clothes, we went back to the car and headed to hike #2, the Grunas waterfall. This hike was more strenuous, but much shorter. It was beautiful, yet again. We stopped as a group for some lunch, and since we were all friends by then, we shared dishes for the table so we could try all the Albanian cuisine. Before being dropped at the hotel, we finished at another must-see destination in Theth, the church of Theth, built in 1892.

We headed back to the hotel to take another amazing shower and relax before another meal! We couldn’t fathom skipping the fabulous hotel dinner since it was our last chance to have it, so even though we had a late lunch, we still managed a big dinner. We were sad to pack and get ready to leave the next morning to Tirana, the capital of Albania, where our flights home were leaving from the following day.

As with the rest of our Albanian travel, the trip from Theth to Tirana was… unexpected. The bus didn’t have room for us despite our reservation, so one guy stood up until we ran into another bus he transferred to, and another guy had to sit between seats on a crate to accommodate us. Then when we got to Shkoder, we had to transfer (which we were not originally told) and then we changed buses two more times. One of those times, we transported a woman with 4 buckets of olives 4 blocks. You can’t make this sh*t up.

Eventually, we arrived in Tirana at our airport hotel, which was literally across from the airport. This came in handy, because the next morning for our flight, it was raining and we just had to run across the street with our bags! But first, we went to dinner at the one place we had made a reservation the whole trip, Tartuf, a restaurant specializing in truffles that again, I found from TikTok. The day prior, we realized one of our hiking buddies from Theth had a similar itinerary and would also be in Tirana for the night before her flight, so we decided to share a taxi into town and explore then dine together. It was so fun to sightsee and eat with our new friend! I found some classic Albanian clothes for gifts, which I had been searching for all trip. We bought a few more last-minute souvenirs and then headed back to our hotel for our final sleep before the trip home.

Overall, the trip was AMAZING. I saw everything I wanted to see and more. I had time to feel like myself again. I didn’t change a diaper for nearly two weeks. I had uninterrupted sleep. I saw new places. I bonded with a friend. I created new memories. I ate amazing food. AND, I missed my family and my bed. I would absolutely recommend the trip to anyone, but for me, I think it was a little too long! I was happy I went, and I was happy to be home. I did get some sort of horrible illness (food poisoning?) that caused me to not be able to eat anything solid for 10 days upon return, but it was worth it! I’m not sure when my next travel blog will be, but maybe I will have gone somewhere else by the time you finish reading this novel.

Travel

Croatia and Albania (and Montenegro) Part I

October 27, 2025 3 Comments

I just returned from my longest time away from Baby A (now Toddler A), and it was great, and also LONG! When I got back, I couldn’t believe I hadn’t changed a diaper in eleven whole days. What??? That seemed unbelievable. I went on this trip with a good friend, and when we booked flights, she wanted to pay extra so she could choose a seat. She couldn’t believe I didn’t care. She said, “what if you get a middle??” I had to explain that having an ENTIRE seat to myself, with no one on my lap kicking me in the face, or sleeping on me, or screaming and crying, was absolute luxury. Middle seat with headphones and a movie? Or a BOOK? Or… closing my eyes without worrying my baby would end up in the aisle? Unheard of.

Anyway, it was a fantastic trip. We saw so many things, went so many places, ate so much amazing food, and surprisingly didn’t spend too much money. Also, everyone survived at home! My husband, my baby, and of course our bonus family member – our nanny. They were all happy to have me back but the fact that there were no major crises definitely boosted my confidence in them, and also in the fact that I could go away again, but probably not for as long. Around day 6 I started to get homesick. I missed the tiny hands and tiny slobbery kisses and of course my husband and my bed! But the part of the trip I was most excited about was at the end, so that kept me going through the homesickness.

When I left home, I had 1 stamp in my passport from Mexico, because after I changed my name, I had basically been consistently pregnant and scared to travel, or postpartum. Now, I have 8 stamps. That is a lot to write about. Where do I start?? I guess, the beginning.

Why Croatia and Albania? Well… the flights were cheap. I paid under $700 round trip. Also, neither of us had been to those places before. We figured if we flew into one place and out of another, it would basically make an itinerary for us. And that’s basically what we did! We built our trip with the help of AI a lot. “What should you do with three days in Dubrovnik?” “If you have 7 hours in Hvar, what are the must-see attractions?” Etc. Who needs a travel agent anymore? We even asked questions like, “how do you get from Dubrovnik, Croatia to Shkoder, Albania, how long would it take, and how much do the options cost?”

We started our trip in Split, Croatia, because that’s where the cheapest flight went to. Also, I had never even heard of Split. We didn’t spend too much time there, but we had enough time to sample their famous Cevape sandwich, and go to the absolute must-see destination, Froggyland, the world’s largest collection of taxidermy frogs (507!!) set up in crazy positions, like Olympics, courtrooms, etc. No photos were allowed, but if they were, this blog would have probably been solely dedicated to Froggyland.

On our one full day in Split, we took a day trip somewhere else, a boat to three islands including to the Blue Lagoon. The water was cold, but of course we still got in. YOLO! How often are you in Croatia?? It was worth it.

The next day, we left Split, but when we first landed in Croatia, we found out that our original boat tour day was cancelled, and we had to reschedule. Since our newer boat trip didn’t include a stop in Hvar, we rearranged our Split to Dubrovnik transfer so we could spend 6 hours in Hvar. It was the right choice! Our ferry was going to stop there on the way anyway, and this way we got off, checked our bags at a place by the port, and then explored for the day. We took a Free Walking Tour (I LOVE those) and learned all about the island, how isolated and deserted it can be in the winter without tourists, and about their native crops (pomegranates, capers and olives) and animals (wild boars… and vipers!). We also learned that the guy who invented fingerprinting was from Hvar. Randomly, the international sprint Spartan race was taking place in Hvar the very next day, so we spent a lot of time watching them set up the course and watching the athletes practice. Talk about a gorgeous setting to work out! We headed back to the ferry after sampling the famous Hvar Cake and then caught the most beautiful sunset from the boat.

The next day was our first full day in Dubrovnik, except, we planned a day trip to Montenegro so we actually woke up at 5:45 am to leave the country. I told you I was collecting passport stamps! The trip, while early, was worth it because we made it to our first stop, Perast, at 8:45 before anyone else. We took a tiny boat the largest man-made islands in the Adriatic Sea, Our Lady of the Rocks. According to legend, it was formed by a tradition of local seamen who added rocks after successful voyages, after finding an icon of the Virgin Mary on a rock in the sea in 1452.

It was absolutely beautiful, and the lack of other tourists made the photos even better! We had some classic Montenegrin almond cake and a coffee, and then headed to the next stop, Kotor. As you’ll see, we went back to Kotor a few days later, but this time we stayed in the Old Town, and let’s just say… it was CROWDED. We later learned that Dubrovnik limits their cruise ship ports to 3/day, but Kotor does not limit the ships. It was obvious. The streets, while tiny and windy, were packed to the gills. The only thing there was in the whole old city was souvenir shops. They mostly only sold cat things. Yes, you read that right: cats. Kotor is known for their cats. They introduced cats a few hundred years ago to get rid of pests, and now the city takes care of them. They are everywhere. They even had a cat museum! We went. It was… interesting.

The ride back was actually shorter than expected because the border crossing went smoothly (another passport stamp!) and we got back to Dubrovnik 2 hours early. With our newfound time, we decided to catch the sunset, and we hoped it would be as great as the previous day. It wasn’t, but it was still beautiful. We went through a tiny hole in the walls of the city, and headed to Bard Bar, which my coworker recommended. I had a mango-lime hard cider and it was DELISH. Then we went to a burger place that is known for their calamari “burger” (calamari on a bun) and it was yummmmmyyy. Great end to the day!

The next day was our only full day in Dubrovnik, even though we stayed there for four nights. We wanted to get an early start, but not as early as our insane 5:45 wakeups for day trips. We compromised that we would try to be at the walls by 8:00, and we made it by 8:30, which is pretty good, if you ask me. We heard that the walls could get extremely crowded midday, so we beat the people and got gorgeous photos. Also, in direct sunlight, even at 9 am it got warm! I cannot imagine how hot it is midday, or in the summer. We took a LOT of photos, and we were done by 9:30 am so we could meet our Free Walking Tour at 10.

Our guide, Marko, was awesome. He was born and raised in Dubrovnik and had amazing stories about living in Croatia and being shipped away to a remote island during the war with his mom and siblings. His only real memory was coming back on the ferry when he was 4. You’ll hear more later about young guides and their war experiences. During our whole trip, it was interesting to hear from people younger than me what it was like to grow up in war times.

When we purchased our tickets to walk the walls, we realized we could buy the “Dubrovnik Pass” for the exact same price, and it would include entrance to a few museums as well. We hit up the museum of ethnography after our tour to see classic examples of clothing from Croatia. For those of you who don’t know, my parents actually met in a Yugoslavian Folk Dance troupe, so I was very interested to see all of the outfits from the region. The outfits reminded me of the pictures I saw of my parents while growing up!

We felt like we had already accomplished a lot, but it was only 1:30 pm! We did some more sightseeing and then decided to take the cable car to the viewpoint at the top of the mountain. It was beautiful, but a little underwhelming if I’m honest. The ride was about 4 minutes long, and the cable blocked all of the views! Also, we had pretty great views that morning on top of the wall. However, I had an AMAZING blueberry cheesecake ice cream pop so that was worth it.

The day was still (surprisingly) young, so we went back down the hill, and then climbed up to the fortress, which was also included in our Dubrovnik pass. We took many more photos as the sun was starting to go down, and then we QUICKLY went to two more museums before our day pass expired. We went to the Museum of Natural History, and we made it to the Franciscan Monastery with 6 minutes to spare. There we saw a bullet hole from the war, which was still preserved in two walls, and we saw the longest-operating pharmacy in all of Europe, still operated by monks.

It was a LONG day! We were ready for dinner. We went to a place recommended by Marko, and I had a Dubrovnik special called “dirty macaroni.” It was basically braised short rib and pasta and it was DELISH. On our way to dinner, we came across two separate weddings and processions. It was interesting to see the different cultures. We learned later that the guy in the front of the procession waving the Croatian flag is an honor given to the groom’s best friend, but according to our friend we learned this from… it’s TIRING.

Thank goodness I was no groom’s best friend because I was exhausted. Actually, I’m tired just from writing this! Can you believe this was only the first 4.5 days of our 10 day trip?? Part 2 coming soon!

Miscellaneous, Travel

New England Road Trip

May 7, 2025 10 Comments

Three weeks ago, I went on a 3-day whirlwind road trip through New England, which seems as good an occasion as any to come back to the blog! We hit seven states from Monday at noon to Thursday at noon. That’s a lot of driving, and a LOT of snacks, as you’ll see. NY to CT to RI to MA to NH to ME and back to NH to MA to RI to CT to NJ to NY.

I thought about organizing this blog into places, activities and food, but that seemed more confusing, and less impressive than chronological, because I know you will be floored with the amount of ground we covered.

First question I repeatedly got: Where was your child? At home. With his other parent. And nanny. Praise the lord for our nanny. More on that another time.

Second question I got: Why? Because I was off work for the week and needed some girlie time. And my BFF was visiting from Australia. And I had never been to Maine.

We booked the car four days before setting off, and then the next day we booked three bed and breakfasts, the first in Bristol, Rhode Island, then in Kennebunk, Maine, and then in Madison, Connecticut. We didn’t plan or book anything else, but we created a Google Map with about 50 things pinned as possibilities. Many were closed for the season or closed on the random days we were going, but don’t you worry, we found a lot to do.

The main (pun intended) purpose of the road trip was to spend time together, so we knew that no matter what happened, we would have fun.

Our first step was to set up the car’s Bluetooth. I had driven a car the month prior, but before that, I hadn’t been behind the wheel for a year #CityGirl. Kat drives often, but on the other side of the road. We needed navigation help. Special shoutout to Google maps.

But more importantly, we needed playlists. Our jams varied from 2000’s pop to Lady Gaga’s new album, “The Most Hype Taylor Swift Playlist,” to the Wicked soundtrack, Boy Bands, and Simon and Garfunkel. Basically, only the best music.

Once we had a map and some songs on deck, we hit the road. We set our navigation for Mystic. Connecticut, and then started driving. We thought we would go to Mystic for lunch, but we found so many fun places to stop along the way that we didn’t end up in Mystic until nearly 5 pm.

First, we saw a billboard for the Pez factory. Excuse me? This did not show up on any of our research. ChatGPT didn’t mention it, Atlas Obscura somehow missed it, too. But thank God we saw that billboard while scream-singing The Wizard and I, because this place was AMAZING. Caps are intended, I could literally write an entire blog about this place. For starters, it was $5 to get in, and it came with a $4 coupon for merch. Then we were greeted with a scavenger hunt game to find and identify different Pez dispensers and spin the wheel for a prize. We were triumphant (with only a little bit of looking over kids’ shoulders)! I cannot recommend this place enough, we had so much fun!

We continued up the road and realized we’d be driving through New Haven. While Kat had been there before, I hadn’t! We had to make a stop and see Yale, where Rory went to school. Rory from Gilmore Girls, of course, our favorite show. More on that later. Yale was absolutely stunning. We first stopped at Cookie39 for some snacks to bring on our campus walk, and it happened to be Cookie Happy Hour, which I did not know was a thing, but I love that it is. We took our Cheesecake, Peanut Butter and Snickerdoodle cookies for a gorgeous walk across campus and to the bookstore, where we came across girl scouts selling (more) cookies, a first for Kat. Of course, since she hadn’t ever had any, we asked them for their recommendations and ended up with a box of Samoas. Kat was so excited to meet Girl Scouts in the wild, she had to take a photo.

We hopped back in the car ($1.50 for parking… clearly not in NYC anymore) and finally made it to Mystic Connecticut where we did some shopping along Main Street in the coolest stores including one shaped like a lighthouse where they were creating baskets and plates and earrings from knots. We had to try Mystic Pizza, where the Slice of the Day was Spaghetti and Meatballs. I can’t resist some carbs on my carbs, and I was not disappointed.

We continued north and made our way to Watch Hill aka the place of the one and only, Taylor Swift’s holiday house. We couldn’t believe our luck, but as we arrived, THE GATE OPENED and a truck went in. No, we didn’t see Taylor, but this was almost as exciting. Every home was more and more impressive than the next. And they were all completely empty in the off season. I’m still wondering how I can get that house-sitting gig. After a brisk walk to ogle the homes, we got back in the car and made it to our Bed and Breakfast, where the welcome board indicated that we were the only guests. Who else spends a random Monday night in Rhode Island in April? There were only two restaurants/pubs still open according to the B&B’s binder, so we quickly made our way to one and had THE BEST dinner. Also, it was $7 Martini Monday. We just kept winning.

The next day we woke up at our private B&B and had the loveliest breakfast chatting with the host. He gave me a great coffeehouse recommendation, and the food was just amazing. Homemade lemon bars, delicious yogurt parfaits, we did not want for food on this trip. We headed out again with no destination except our evening B&B, and again, we saw a sign that made us change course. We saw an exit for Foxborough, MA, and Kat said, isn’t that where the Patriots play? I couldn’t care less, since I’m an NCAA not an NFL girlie, but I do love exploring a stadium. We turned off the road, and Kat was in heaven. First of all, she loves a shop, and this was THE BIGGEST shop, not to mention that it turns out the stadium itself is kind of inside a huge outdoor mall. From there, we went to Newburyport, MA which was adorable. We found a candy shop called The Candyman, and we saw the actual Candy Men (the owners/founders) making their specialty: cashew turtles. We bought a few for the ride.

We went on to Portsmouth, NH, where we stopped for lunch and some more exploration. Kat found a restaurant called Cheese Louise, which originated as a food truck, and specializes in unique grilled cheese. It was AMAZING. After more exploring (read: walking off our millions of snacks before sitting in the car again), we headed to the Kittery Outlets, where we decided to spend the afternoon that was forecasted to rain. Unfortunately, when we got back to the car I had a parking ticket, which made me extremely mad because I paid for the spot!! Since our trip, I contested the ticket, and I was granted a “one time variance.”

We spent some money at the outlets, and headed to the next destination, the Nubble Lighthouse, one of the “most photographed lighthouses in the world,” on a rocky islet 100 yards off the mainland of Maine. The lighthouse was gorgeous, but the post-storm vibes and incredible opulent homes around it made it even better. We took many photos, shivering and slightly damp, and then we shuffled back to our car to head to our evening B&B in Kennebunk, Maine.

After a quick drop off of our things, we headed to The Pilot for dinner, where we had the best clam chowder I’ve ever eaten. I know that is an extreme statement but it’s true. We ate so much food, then returned to the B&B to eat the homemade cookies and Ghirardelli chocolate left by the host and cuddled in bed to watch Gilmore Girls together. It was basically the perfect night.

The next morning, we rose early again. I think it was a shock to my system not having to wake up overnight to feed a baby. I was up ready to rock and roll by 7 every morning! That worked well, because we had our longest day of driving ahead of us. But first, breakfast. Our host again made us the most incredible breakfast of French toast with fresh fruit, homemade granola in yogurt parfaits, and hot coffee. After taking photos in front of our B&B, which became a daily tradition, we walked next door to the famous Wedding Cake House to take more photos, and then we began our longest driving day.

Our goal for the day was to make it to our turnaround spot at THE BOOT at L.L. Bean and then drive all the way back down to Connecticut. Spoiler alert, we did it! L.L. Bean has a massive campus, especially because their main store is under renovations. They currently have 6 separate stores, one of which is a temporary massive tent, called Camp L.L. BEAN. I got two pairs of hand-cut shoelaces and fun stickers, and Kat got an embroidered Boat & Tote. We got a workout shopping at all of the stores and made our way to our first (3) snacks of the day. First up, the official snack of Maine, the whoopie pie! Did you know that? Because I didn’t. They had a store full of different flavors, and we tried chocolate peanut butter and pumpkin. Both were amazing. We then made our way down the street to McDonalds. If you’re thinking that is lame, you haven’t been to this McDonalds. Due to Freeport design laws, there are no big yellow arches to be found, they had to remodel an existing mansion and build a McDonald’s in it. The outside is an unassuming house, but the inside looks like a regular Micky Ds. Very strange. We hadn’t had enough snacks yet, so we went further down the street to Wilburs’s of Maine, where we watched them make chocolate-covered espresso beans, and bought some more treats for the road. We hopped back in the car, threw on some more Taylor Swift and started driving south.

We made a quick stop in Portland, Maine for lunch of lobster rolls and lobster mac and cheese, and went for a walk. We found the original location of SeaBags, a store we kept seeing around the northeast. Every bag and item in the store is made from recycled boat sails. They were so cool, and at the factory store we got a few items on mark down. We spent the rest of the afternoon in the car, but a road trip would not be complete without a Blizzard, so we made a mandatory dinner pit stop at DQ. Kat had never tried their chicken tenders, which are superior (shoutout to my nephew who introduced me to this), so thank goodness this DQ was a “grill and chill.” We took our Blizzards and tendies back to the B&B where we showered and tucked in for our final night of cuddling and Gilmore Girls.

Are you wondering why I have mentioned Gilmore Girls 3 times already? Well, because we are obsessed. When we were roommates, we used to watch it all the time, and even though we live on opposite sides of the world, we still talk about which episode we are currently watching, and why everyone should be #TeamLogan (kidding of course, we are only #TeamEmily).

Anyway, since we are obsessed with GG, the perfect end to our road trip was the places where GG was inspired by: The Mayflower Inn in Washington, CT, and New Milford, CT, the inspo for Stars Hollow. I am not really sure how to describe the feeling of stepping into a place you always wanted to visit/live/make friends/be townsfolk in. There were references everywhere to the show, like the antiques store where they said on the sign outside that they were “nicer than Mrs. Kim,” or the diner that had the same “NO CELL PHONES” sign as Luke’s Diner, and of course the infamous gazebo in the town square. I almost cried when we stepped inside. It was surreal and so special to be there with one of my closest friends. We ate at the diner (duh) and did some shopping before heading back to the airport for our “goodbye for now.”

Every night on our road trip, we did a “peak and pit” of the day, so I figured I’d end the blog with some peaks and pits of the trip:

Peaks:

Spending time with Kat
The Pez factory (and minimal cheating off of children)
Singing in the car
Kat meeting Girl Scouts and trying her first Samoa
Not having any necessary planned stops, so we could be spontaneous
Chatting with the B&B hosts, and the lemon bars in RI
Learning how to make seals on toilet paper rolls at the B&B in ME
Sticker collecting

Pits:

A parking ticket in New Hampshire
3 days is too short
We didn’t meet any Stars Hollow townspeople

Overall, we had the BEST time just being together, yapping, snacking, and cuddling. I hope we can do it again soon!

Look how cool this toilet paper seal was!! Can you guess how they did it???

Us in the Stars Hollow aka New Milford gazebo

Pregnancy After Loss, Travel

Babymoon?

July 1, 2024 1 Comment

Chris and I just came back from a week-long trip to the Catskills. When he was asked at the time of reservation if we were celebrating anything, he said it was our Babymoon. Was that true? I guess so. We probably wouldn’t have gone away for a week in the middle of earnings season if it wasn’t for the thing growing inside me. We also probably would have gone somewhere much further than a 2-hour drive away, if I wasn’t too nervous to step on a plane or be anywhere far from a hospital. I also am terrified to leave the state, since it seems that every other day, there’s a news story of pregnant people dying in other places. Anyway, we went on a babymoon. Maybe.

I really don’t know why I hate the term. I guess it’s just the confidence factor. Like “we are on vacation because soon we will have another person to bring with us!” Will we? I don’t know. No one knows.

We didn’t take a babymoon with Maliyah, although we talked about it with a lot more confidence. But we never got past 25 weeks with Maliyah. Most people take babymoons much later! Maybe that’s why they have (false) confidence. This time, I just knew that once I hit the third trimester, my anxiety wouldn’t allow a trip. Ironically, before we booked the trip, I wasn’t sure if my doctors would be ok with it, so we decided to clear it in advance at 23 weeks. My main doctor seemed a lot more confident than me, in fact, she said she thought it was a GREAT idea. i.e. she knew I needed something to lower my stress and distract me.

So that’s how we ended up in the Catskills in a crazy luxurious lodge with only 5-7 other guests on any given night.

The entire property only had 14 rooms, including three stand-alone treehouses, and they were all suites. We were there during the week, and during a low season, so we were upgraded for the entire week to the second largest room in the place (thank you husband and your credit-card-churning-hobby). It was insane the size of this place. We had an indoor AND personal outdoor fireplace. We had an indoor and outdoor shower. We had a hand-painted claw foot tub and double vanity. We had a separate sitting room and minibar. We also had random animal sculptures around the room including a bear perched on the corner of the 4-poster bed. The bougie log-cabin aesthetic was so cozy and fun. It really felt like we were thousands of miles from home, even though it was a relatively short drive from the hustle and bustle of the largest city in the country. The “room” itself was actually the least impressive part of the place, if you can imagine.

The grounds were breathtaking. Our room was directly on the waterfront of a reservoir, and we had a dock, hammocks, chaise lounges and a jumbo Jenga right on the water. Unfortunately, it was a bit too cold to spend long periods of time out there, but I did spend some time journaling midday when the sun was highest. I also spent lots of my time walking around the grounds and trails, either listening to an audiobook, or listening to nothing at all (besides my more-laborious-every-day breathing up hills). Every evening, dozens of deer took over the grounds. It was a common sight for us to pass 10 or more on our way up to the main lodge for dinner.

The best part about this being a lodge, but also being a 5-star resort, was that there was impeccable wifi everywhere. That meant that I was still able to have therapy and attend a support group, and Chris was still able to work. Thankfully, he didn’t have to work at all the first two days we were there, but after that, he had a comfortable work set up, and I had lots of down time to read three books, go on walks, and of course explore the many activities I could do solo. More on that later.

When we first booked the vacation, they listed all the activities that were included on the property, but they also offered individual activities if we chose to partake and wanted privacy. One of those activities was horseback riding which was a hard no from me, but some of the others like archery and stargazing sounded fun and pregnancy-safe. However, when we arrived at the property and noticed that there were basically no other guests, we realized we didn’t need to book private activities, because basically all activities were private.

Our first full day there, we saw that archery was on the lodge schedule. We both had been intrigued by archery, since we had done it as kids, but not in 20+ years. We decided to take our chances with a lodge-wide lesson, and said we could always ask to have an individual lesson later if it was packed. Well… we were alone. 100% alone with our instructor Anthony who was an amazing instructor AND photographer. (See photos below of our Katniss and Peeta moments.) Once I realized I could only wink my right eye and switched to shooting leftie, my aim improved exponentially. Anthony said he would call on us for the next zombie apocalypse. High praise. As we were getting tired (it’s a massive shoulder workout!), another couple arrived (also pregnant!). Perfect timing.

Our home-away-from-home was 10 minutes from the site of Woodstock, which was very exciting for me as a child of boomers. I told Chris we needed to go visit Bethel Woods, which has an entire museum dedicated to 1960’s and 1970’s music, the soundtrack of my childhood. We had so much fun exploring the hippie bus, learning about the last-minute location change, and hearing about the artists who turned down the opportunity to perform (talk about having regrets!). Unfortunately, the main grounds weren’t open yet for the season, so we couldn’t explore, but it mostly looked like beautifully landscaped fields, probably much cleaner and more manicured than they were when 890128930 un-washed music fans overtook the grounds for a week. I also texted my mom while I was there and learned that she unknowingly drove through the area while Woodstock was happening! I love learning new old stories about my parents.

While it was fun to leave the resort grounds for a few hours, we primarily stayed on the campus. Our main goals were to relax, spend time together, and try to keep my stress low while getting through the 25 week, 4 day mark with baby 2, also known as the day I had Maliyah. That meant that we mainly hung around, went on walks, and played games at the Rec Center. They had pool (Chris was far superior), jumbo Connect 4 (I out-strategized him), shuffleboard, curling, and cornhole. They also had a LOT of fire pits. It felt like everywhere we turned there was another one, and on our very first night, the groundskeeper set us up with a private fire and a s’mores kit with branded chocolate disks. It was delicious, but I always forget that being fire-adjacent means I need to wash my hair. Thankfully our massive room shower had multiple shower heads for very clean hair.

Chris had to work on a couple of the days, but I kept myself busy. I went to the gym, I went on hikes on a few trails, and I did a solo crafting activity where I painted my own bird house for the staff to hang up on one of the trails. See the little hearts on each side of the door for my babies?

On our final night, they brought in a resident astrologer who came with his massive telescope, and walked us into the low reservoir for star-gazing. He pointed out constellations, specific stars, and he had a special app on his phone to line up the telescope exactly with many of the celestial beings. He personally felt he was cheating by using the app, but I had no idea something like that existed! We saw neighboring galaxies, we saw the red-orange hue of Betelgeuse, a red super giant star, and toward the end of the night, the moon rose high in the sky and we saw every tiny crater. It was unbelievable.

Besides the major relaxing vibes, I’d say the star of the show for the week was the food. It was absolutely incredible. Not only did it feel like we had an on-call private chef because there were basically no other guests, but everything we had was amazing. Ok, I hated the quail but that’s my fault, I was trying to be too adventurous. Of course they also had many mocktail options, all included!

Room service was available 14 hours/day, and since there were no other guests, it appeared at our cabin on a golf cart nearly instantaneously. After our Bethel Woods adventure, we ordered late lunch to the room, and I was even able to ask for the turkey club sandwich, which I have been sorely missing while being pregnant, and they heated up the meat for me so I could eat it! Every single change to a menu item we wanted, they did and they didn’t bat an eye. One night, we were stuffed after dinner, but decided we wanted to have dessert later, and they said no problem, they’d deliver it right before the kitchen closed. So, while Chris and I discussed possible baby names with the in-room fireplace blazing, room service delivered a massive banana split sundae that we ate in bed. Talk about decadent!

I will admit, I see a lot of people go on babymoons to far-flung places and beaches, they get tans, they feel completely comfortable getting on a plane, they don’t worry about blood clots or proximity to level 4 NICUs, and they don’t panic about fresh fruit or contaminated water in other countries. It makes me jealous. I wish I had that confidence and naivety, and those uncomplicated circumstances. But that isn’t my story and that’s ok. What we wanted to achieve, time together, and a low-stress environment at a distance I felt comfortable going, we did. And we had a great time. We maybe even decided on a name…

(Started writing at: 25 weeks, 6 days, finished writing at 29 weeks 3 days)

We did not buy this… because Chris thought it was ugly and I was too scared to jinx anything.

Travel

Niagara Falls

October 18, 2023 3 Comments

Last weekend I went on a belated birthday trip with Chris to Niagara Falls. This trip was supposed to be a surprise. Back in June, Chris surprised me with a belated birthday trip to Chicago. The main problem with me planning a surprise, though, is that I have no mental capacity for planning or surprises. Also, Chris loves to use credit card points and frequent flyer miles. So, instead of making it a surprise, I said, “do you want to go to Niagara Falls for your birthday two weeks late?” and he said yes, and then he booked us the flights and hotel rooms. Yes, two different hotels, we will get to that later.

Thursday, we had a 7 am flight. This departure time, of course, was thanks to my sweet husband who doesn’t require 8+ hours of sleep like my depressed self does. Despite his favorite hobby, morning-of-trip-packing, we managed to make it to the airport on time and we were even upgraded to first class. The trip was off to a great start. The plane didn’t have TVs, but thankfully it was ungodly early, and the entire flight took 50 minutes so I mostly dozed. We landed and we were at our hotel in Buffalo by 9 am. Unfortunately, since hotels don’t allow check-in that early, we took up residence in the lobby and we asked the front desk to hold our suitcases. Thankfully, the lobby was huge because we both had very full days of work. I know what you are thinking, “this blog sucks, no one wants to hear about you taking an hour-long flight to make zoom calls in a different part of the state.” I agree. Don’t worry, it gets better, but not quite yet.

Finally, our room was ready, so we went upstairs to check it out. We opened the door and found a massive table, a desk, a coffee bar, a fireplace, and a sofa. No bed. There was a conference table that sat 12 people, but no place to sleep. I started laughing hysterically because I truly thought Chris booked us a meeting room instead of a hotel room. It was only then that he remembered that the front desk had said we were in 1501/1502, so we went back into the hallway and sure enough, our keys opened the adjacent room as well, which thankfully had a bed. We later discovered a third door in the hallway that we could close so that we could prop the two rooms open and create a suite. It was a bizarre set-up but it did give us two bathrooms, so I couldn’t complain! We went out to get a late lunch/early dinner, and then, as it happens when you wake up at 5 am, we went to sleep. What a thrilling first day!

Day two started the same way, with work and emails. Eventually we ate breakfast together and continued with our work day. Around lunch, I went for a walk and explored the Erie basin. I came across the African American Veterans Monument, and multiple Navy ships including the USS Little Rock and USS The Sullivans. I had no idea there would be ships docked in Buffalo, but you learn something new every day. I walked back toward the hotel and came across the McKinley Monument, which I later found out was built because President McKinley was shot in Buffalo when he attended the Pan-American Exposition in 1901. Every time I go somewhere in the United States, I realize how little I learned in high school AP US History.

Back in the hotel I worked some more, and thanks to Chris’s hotel status, in addition to the executive suite we also got a 4 pm checkout. This was when the real adventure began. I decided to shower before we switched hotels, and just as I was getting out of the shower, housekeeping walked into the room. Chris explained, as I was in a towel, that we were checking out in 45 minutes. 10 minutes later, a different housekeeping person walked in. I put on clothes, and 10 minutes later, another random man entered the room with a key, the guy staying there after us. This had never happened to me before. Three people walking in? Including a subsequent guest? While I was in a towel? My husband (a man) did not seem phased by this at all. In fact, he didn’t even mention it when we checked out. A woman would never.

Anyway, we finally checked out and went to continue our adventure on the other side of the US-Canada border. The problem, of course, was that there was an international border. My sweet husband, who I really cannot blame because I did exactly zero research or planning myself, said he checked Reddit and that it would be “no problem” to cross the border. Unfortunately, there was a problem. You couldn’t order an Uber, and the hotel couldn’t guarantee that if they called a cab, they would be able to take us across. We decided to take an Uber as far as we could and figure it out. Chris said we could walk across the bridge. With our bags. I was not pleased. Do not fret, we left our Uber at the border, and a man approached us and asked if we needed a cab. Me, a woman, would have said “no thank you, stranger, I do not want to get into your car.” Chris, a man, said, “that would be great.” Readers, do not worry, I am still alive to tell the tale. Our cab driver ended up being a main character of the weekend. It turned out he used to live in Manhattan and had a store 2 blocks from our apartment. He told us that we could see what we needed to see in Niagara Falls in 4 hours, and then we should go to Toronto HAHA. A true New Yorker. I will admit that made us feel better, since we only had a day and a half there, and I was scared we would miss out.

We went into our hotel room and the view was amazing. We were on the 37^th Floor, and our room overlooked Horseshoe Falls. But the sun was setting quickly, and we wanted to go down and get an up-close view, since it was supposed to rain the entire next day. I assumed the Falls would be impossible to see at night, since they were natural, but I learned quickly that I was wrong, they are lit up by multicolored LEDs from 6 pm – 2 am every night. Anyway, I didn’t know that at the time, so we thought we were on a time crunch. The valet told us that we could walk down to the Falls, or we could take the “incline,” which would get us there in 4 minutes. We opted for the lazy way, and found that the “incline” was just a 30-foot funicular. It was hilarious because we could have easily just walked up the hill, or they could have built a staircase, but they didn’t and instead charged $7 roundtrip. We were on vacation, so we splurged and took the 15-second trolly ride.

This is where we found out cab driver. On the side of the road.

It was worth it. It was truly spectacular. I didn’t know, but “Niagara Falls” is made up of three Falls, the American Falls, Bridal Veil Falls, and Horseshoe, or Canadian Falls. While the first two are all in the United States, 90% of Horseshoe Falls is in Canada (Americans will be quick to tell you that all three are technically in the USA). Despite where they are located, the direction of the Falls is such that they are much better viewed from Canada. From the United States, it’s more like infinity pool vibes and you can’t actually see where the water drops down to. According to their official website, 3,160 tons of water flows over Niagara Falls every second. That is so much water. It’s hard to wrap your brain around.

Chris and I took many photos at the Falls. Of the Falls. Selfies of us at the Falls. Then we had some strangers try to take photos of us at the Falls. We learned quickly that strangers are mostly shorter than us, and while we are fantastically photogenic, if you take photos from below, you will get great pics of us, but you will have exactly zero of the scenery in the background.

I learned a lot of facts about the history and usage of the Falls, but I won’t bore you with all of them. I did find it especially interesting that 50-75% of the water is diverted to hydroelectric power stations depending on the time of day and year, and those stations supply more than one-quarter of all power used in New York State and Ontario. The water is then returned (unpolluted) to the river. This means that the crazy amount of water we saw and experienced was less than half of what it could be. Also interestingly, some people try to go over the Falls. Most of them try to do this in barrels, and most die. But some survive! In fact, the very first to do it successfully was a woman, Annie Edson Taylor, who achieved her daredevil dreams on her 63^rd birthday. She tested her barrel in advance by putting a cat in it (who also survived!). There are now steep fines for people who attempt this, but as our tour guide advised us, you only have to pay if you survive!

Speaking of our tour guide, Saturday was the big day. The one thing I did to plan for this trip was book a tour. I specifically booked a tour that went to both the American and Canadian sides. The universe, which has recently not been working in my favor, had another joke up her sleeve, and decided to forecast for rain the entire day. WOMPWOMP. Good news is, we were planning to get wet anyway. Our tour guide told us that rain is actually great because it reduces your inhibitions of being wet at the Falls, because you’re wet anyway. My therapist loves a good reframe, so I decided to opt into this one, too.

We started the day with a bang: my favorite part, the Maid of the Mist boat ride. We suited up in our ponchos and boarded the double decker boat. It was spectacular. We rode right into the basin of Horseshoe Falls, where it felt like we were in the side wall of a hurricane. The water, wind, mist, and turmoil was all around us, and then the boat did a 360 while we were poured on from the waterfall. It was awesome. In case we weren’t wet enough, our next stop was to the “Cave of the Winds.” Despite the name, this is not an actual cave. It was a cave, and there were tours from 1841 to 1920, but a rock fall collapsed it, and now it’s a series of walkways built into the outside of Falls, which is actually torn down and rebuilt every single year. The walkways bring you right to the base of Bridal Veil Falls, and there’s even a Hurricane Deck, where you are basically inside the Falls. It is very. Very. Very. Very. Wet. My feet were not dry until many hours later when I got back to the hotel.

The rest of our tour took us to a few other amazing views, including Three Sisters Islands, where we could walk little pathways into the middle of the Niagara River, and see where it flowed down to the Falls. Then we headed to the Whirlpool Rapids, which were absolutely stunning with the changing colors of foliage. Again, from their website, “Horseshoe Falls crushes into the narrow Niagara Gorge, creating the whirlpool rapids […] where the gorge abruptly turns counterclockwise. The river’s abrupt change of direction creates one of the world’s most mesmerizing natural phenomena.” Our final stop of the day was the Skylon Tower, where we took a 52-second elevator ride to observation decks 775 feet above the Falls. The views were amazing, but the ride up was my favorite part!

We headed back to the hotel where we took a nap, because we’re old, and then we went to dinner at a nice restaurant in our hotel with a view of the Falls, again lit up for the night.

We had an amazing time, and just like our cab driver said, a day and a half was plenty of time. We saw what some people call, the 8^th natural wonder of the world. Some do not say that, but some do. We spent time together. We slept 8 hours/night. We ate great food. And we were home by 3 pm on a Sunday. That’s what I would call a successful trip.

Selfie with our best tour guide #TeamJessica
Chris loves state parks!
Squint and see which pink ponchos are Chris and me!
Selfie before getting soaked
Actively being rained on by waterfalls
Cute, not yet saturated.
About to be saturated…
Very, very wet.
Such a majestic view.
I was ready to hit Bridal Veil Falls and the Hurricane Deck!
Chris and I soaked.
It’s hard to explain how loud it was here.
Inside Bridal Veil
HURRICANEEEE
Whirlpool Rapids in all of its fall foliage glory
View from Skylon Tower. Breathtaking.

Grief and Pregnancy Loss, Travel

Peru Part Dos

October 4, 2023 8 Comments

If you missed Part Uno, start there!

Our first day in Cusco, we had a bumpy start because our flight was nearly two hours delayed. Our scheduled tour was supposed to begin at the Cusco Cathedral, but we wanted to put our bags away, eat some food, and change shoes, so we met up with the tour at stop two. Cusco was the capital of the Incan Empire, so we started at the most important Incan temple, called Coricancha, that is right in the middle of town. We learned about the amazing ways Incas measured time, astronomy, and seasons. We also learned about their ingenious engineering using internal metal joints and trapezoidal shapes to resist seismic waves. Their engineering is why so many of their temples and fortresses are still standing despite the many earthquakes that have hit Peru since the time of the Incas. Unfortunately (or fortunately!) this was the first time we had rain on the trip. While inside Coricancha, we were able to stay under covering until the clouds cleared, and then at our next stop we were blessed with a fabulous rainbow and mostly great weather for the rest of the trip. I “wasted” 5 soles on a disposable poncho, but since that converts to about $1.25, I was ok with it.

Next on our tour we visited a few other Incan ruins, including Sacsayhuamán, an Incan citadel, and we had some time to explore on our own. It’s crazy that so many of these ruins are just massive things standing on semi-public grounds (with ticket entrance) and you can just walk around on them and touch them. We ended the day at a store that specializes in alpaca and baby alpaca scarves. We learned about the world’s most expensive and exclusive wool, made from vicuña, one of the two wild South American camelids, which live in the high altitude areas in the Andes.

We were told by our travel agency to avoid red meat and alcohol while we acclimated to the elevation, and since 11,500 feet in Cusco didn’t seem like enough for us, we booked a last-minute trip to the Palcoyo Mountains for the next day, which stand at a cool 16,076 feet. Most people who have been to Cusco may have heard of Vinicunca, which is a large rainbow mountain about 3.5 hours from Cusco. Many tourists go there, and it is 17,000 feet above sea level. Also, it is 3.5 hours from Cusco, and an hour and a half hike once you get there. For all of those reasons, we searched for alternatives. We were pleasantly surprised to find Palcoyo, which is an hour closer, 1,000 feet lower, only a 30-45 minute hike, AND it has THREE rainbow mountains instead of one. However, since it is less visited, there were no tours and we had to book a private driver and guide. Thankfully, it was only $50/ person for the entire 9-hour day (what!??). Our driver picked us up and along the way, our guide taught us facts about Peru and alpacas (they’re trimmed once annually after winter for fur, and the first shave is most valuable and softest), and the rainbow mountains (they used to be lake beds, and the colors come from sedimentary minerals).

When we got to Palcoyo, the views were breathtaking, literally and figuratively. It was certainly tough to climb stairs and mountains at that elevation, but with periodic breaks, it was doable. The scenery made it all worth it, and at the top, we took photos with alpacas after tipping the local man who brought them there specifically for photo opps. We saw a total of ten people the entire time. It was so nice and peaceful to have the mountains to ourselves. About 700-1000 additional feet up, there was a “stone forest,” and while the other girls opted out of the “encore hike,” I decided I wanted to do it. #YOLO, right? When else was I going to be there? Our private guide walked me up to the stone forest, which I appreciated because it had started sleeting and he kept me steady on the way back down. He also served as an expert photographer. It was stunning. Truly so special. I started to have the same spiraling thoughts I mentioned last week, about how lucky and unlucky I was to be there, witnessing these beautiful sights, but I tried to keep them at bay while I climbed down the slippery mountain back to my friends.

Along the way up the mountain, we had seen various piles of stones and our guide had explained that they were called apachetas, a combination of the words Apu, the name of the Mountain God, and Pachamama, the name of Mother Nature. People made these tiny rock towers as offerings to hope for good luck and blessings, either on their current journey, or in general. On our way back down the mountain, my friend and I decided to make our own and we scoured the mountain for different colored rocks of various sizes. Our guide helped us balance it and as soon as our apacheta was complete, it started sideways sleeting. Our guide said this meant our offering was received, although we couldn’t be sure if it was a good or a bad thing. After an exhausting day, we had dinner in Cusco, and then packed our bags again to get ready for our next day in the Sacred Valley and our journey to Machu Picchu.

We started our day early, cramming our many bags into the van for the day. Our first stop of the day was a lookout point with a breathtaking view of the Sacred Valley. We stopped for a few minutes to take it in, and of course to take some photos, then we headed to Pisaq. We stopped at a silver factory that was more like a small storefront, where we learned all about silver, silver-making, and even got to see some of the local artists making jewelry. There were some aggressive sales tactics, and they worked. I bought a couple things and then we headed to more Incan ruins. While each one of the sites was impressive, I must admit they started to get a bit repetitive. We climbed many, many stairs, and we started to recognize certain architectural patterns, ways the Incas tracked the sun and the stars, and the ways they built their civilizations to face the best sunlight for their crops. In the afternoon, we went to Olantayytambo, another ruins site, with 254 more stairs to climb. We did it! This specific site was interesting because it was overlooked by a mountain with two faces in it – one profile that was natural, and another that was carved by the Incas. It was a fabulous view, and we were blessed with amazing weather.

In between ruins, we ate lunch at a restaurant called Tunupa in Urubamba. The food was buffet-style and it was fine, but the views were out of this world. The restaurant was situated on the Sacred River, and after we ate, we went to the river to put our hands in and gather all of the blessings the river would give us. There were alpacas and llamas on the grass, and there was even live traditional Peruvian music, played with multiple different kinds of flutes.

After many, many stairs, we were ready for a break in the form of a train ride. We were dropped off at the train station, where we were surprised by another dance party, as people in traditional clothes held signs and danced and sang and led us to our train car. The entertainment didn’t stop there. Not only did the train have some of the most beautiful scenery I’ve seen, as we traveled along the Sacred River, but there was also a show. Two of the workers put on a whole love story skit in the middle of the ride. I had no idea what we were in for, and I didn’t understand any of the words, but I got the gist of it. After we dropped our bags at our hotel where we would be only one night, we went out to find food. Not only did we find a restaurant called Machapo that served both guinea pig and alpaca burgers, but we also found the friendliest waiter in all of Peru. We are now Instagram friends. Hi Kevin! Miss you every day!

Sacred River, hoping I got some blessings

The next morning we were up with the sun and ready to hike Machu Picchu. As I mentioned before, we did not do the 4-day Inca trail. Instead, we took a bus to the entrance. This is traveling in your mid-30s. I have no regrets. Of course, the day started for me with many braids. I did 2/3 of my friend’s hair, and I did mine in the bus. Again, this day we had a private guide, which was helpful because we could take as many breaks as we wanted, and we had a built-in photographer. Our guide liked photos a LOT more than we did, and he insisted on many, many, many photo breaks. You should see my camera roll. He wanted individual shots and group shots and selfies. I only included a select few below.

The views from Machu Picchu were truly gorgeous. We had picture-perfect weather, and despite it filling up by noon with people, it felt like we were there alone. There was a moment (after our 100 photoshoots) where we just sat down and took in the view. Again, I was hit by a wave of sadness. It’s really hard to be in such a perfect place and then reflect on my not-so-perfect life. The juxtaposition of the beauty and the hurt seems to highlight itself like a neon sign whenever I realize the vastness of everything. I see ancient ruins and I just think about how small my problems are, but then I realize how BIG they are to me and it just makes me sad. It’s hard to be present when my present is so hard. My thoughts constantly go to my friends with babies, and thinking about how I’m “lucky” to be where I am, but also wish I wasn’t. One of my therapists always encourages me to feel my feelings but also recognize that emotions are fleeting. I try to understand that I’m feeling this way and that it makes sense (because my baby died), but I should also allow myself to move through it and into a less heavy feeling. We started to climb down the many stairs and back to the bus to town, where we had lunch and I started to feel lighter again.

We went back to our hotel, grabbed our bags, and then took a train back to Cusco, where we did some final souvenir shopping and then packed again for our flight back to Lima the next morning. Our final two days in Lima, we mostly ate a lot of food. We also went to see the catacombs under the San Francisco Cathedral (no photos allowed), but we mostly ate.

As I mentioned last week, Lima has established itself as one of the world’s greatest food towns. No city other than Copenhagen also has two restaurants on the current top 10 of the prestigious World’s 50 Best Restaurants list. Lima has Central (#4) and Maido (#7), both of which were completely full when we tried to make reservations, since we only booked our trip three weeks in advance. We decided to try our luck and put ourselves on the wait list for Maido, and we got in! I am not exactly sure what we were thinking when we booked a 16-course tasting menu for 9 pm on a day where we had an early flight that morning, but we were excited to try everything. The food was absolutely fantastic. They call it the “Maido Experience” and it was a true experience. However, by midnight, we were falling asleep at the table with 3 courses left to go. I included some of the food photos here, but the pictures cannot do it justice. The cocktails were creative and the dishes were delicious. But don’t worry, by 1 pm the next day, we were ready to eat again and we had a reservation at another highly rated restaurant, Gaston y Astrid. The restaurant is centered around a beautiful courtyard with a huge tree in the middle. We chose to order a la carte this time, and again we had the most amazing food. We left with extremely full stomachs.

The first few days I was in Lima, I had decided I wanted to try paragliding. I hadn’t done anything crazy adventurous since I was in Australia when I had gone scuba diving, sky diving and ziplining in one week. I was ready to try another new thing. But the day I wanted to go, it was extremely cloudy and I was scared I wouldn’t have much visibility. I decided to postpone until we were back in Lima and hope for the best. Sure enough, on the day we landed back in Lima, it was cloudy but better than before, so I decided to go for it. As I waited for my turn to go into the sky on a tiny air boat/go-cart apparatus, I thought for sure that it was the end. My friend recorded a video of my “last words.” I found out that the woman I had booked with via whatsapp was the wife of the pilot, and so I figured she didn’t want us to go down, either. Nevertheless, they did give me a life vest to wear in case we crashed into the ocean. I didn’t tell my husband or my parents I was doing this, why worry them!? While I am not immune from fear, I definitely care a lot less about dying now. Since I wake up every day now and think “ugh this again,” it makes it easier to do riskier things.

After strapping in and putting on a helmet (would that actually help anything?), we took off into the sky. Part of the price of the experience included an HD video, and I must say, this video was hilarious. It captured every single human emotion there is. I started with happiness and elation and you could see me laughing and smiling huge. Then I switched to awe, you could see me taking photos and videos on my phone. Then I started to look at the ocean in its vastness, a place that usually gives me such peace, and I started to cry. You could see tears rolling down my cheeks as I realized all of the amazing things I can do now that our daughter isn’t with us. I always think about her when I’m at the beach, I don’t really know why. A lot of grieving people mention the ocean seems like a safe place because it is the only thing vast enough to hold such huge emotions. I often think about that. As I watched the waves roll in and the sun setting from my perch hundreds of feet above the water, I again realized how small I am in the grand scheme of things. We turned around toward the land zone, and I was hit with another emotion: fear. The pilot started dipping left and right, gliding in extreme angles to descend back to earth, and you can see me saying “oh my god, oh my god” in the video. Then we finally turned around toward landing, and you could see my relief. What an exhausting emotional ride. I knew as soon as I landed that the video would be a trip.

Overall, I feel the same way I did about paragliding as I did about the whole trip to Peru, I am glad I did it. I felt proud of myself for doing something outside of my comfort zone, and I was glad to make new memories. It was not easy, and it was not without its bumps, but it was an overall fun experience that I don’t regret. I had to navigate my own emotions as well as my friends, which I haven’t really done all year since I’ve been living in a bubble. I can’t say when I want to go on another trip, since I’m still mentally recovering, but it’s not out of the question. Where do you think I should go next?

Me in my life vest that was not going to save me from anything.

Grief and Pregnancy Loss, Travel

Peru Part Uno

September 28, 2023 3 Comments

It has been a LONG time since I’ve written a travel blog, so I’m excited to bring you new, world-traveling content this week (and next!). My original plan was to split this blog into two: one where I talked about all of the positives about traveling, getting away with friends, exploring new places, seeing amazing scenery, eating local delicacies, etc., and one where I talked about the difficult co-existing emotions of going on a trip during this #veryhardyear. Then, I was chatting with one of my loss-mom internet friends and she said it was inspiring to see me “finding joy amongst the griefyness,” and that’s why I decided to write this instead as a fully integrated post. The good, the fun, the sad, and the complicated. However, a 2-in-1 post means this one is a pretty lengthy, so strap in. It’ll be posted in two installments, but stay tuned, I included pictures.

Let’s start at the top. Many months ago, my therapist asked me what used to bring me joy so I could try to find it again. I could barely remember, but I told her I guessed it was traveling with friends. She suggested I start small, like a brunch. But I didn’t want to go to brunch, and I didn’t want to see my friends.

In my past life, I traveled in the early autumn every year because I always had extra time off from work. 4 months ago, when I realized I wouldn’t be tied down with a baby this season, and when I realized I’d have three friends having babies in September (blog about this coming soon), I requested a week off from work mid-September. My time-off request was approved. A group of my friends started talking about possible places to go. My therapist was so proud of me. Many, many messages and ideas were sent back and forth. Then in July, I fell off the face of the earth. I deleted my social media and I stopped answering any texts. The trip planning ceased, at least on my end. I couldn’t think in advance even one day, nonetheless a few months ahead, and I couldn’t fathom booking activities when I was just trying to get through the current hour.

Then in August, since I hadn’t been on any group chats, I fired up a group message via text and asked if anyone was still up for going on a trip. I was honest about my lack of planning abilities. I said I’d still be down to travel, but that I just needed someone to tell me where to book a flight and that I’d be mostly useless on planning. Ideal travel buddy, right? Thankfully, my friend stepped up and suggested Peru. It seemed like the ideal location because there were nonstop flights from NY and FL and only a one hour time difference, which was great since we had about 9 days total and didn’t want to deal with jetlag. My friends booked flights. I couldn’t get my act together until the next day, when flights went up $150 but it is what it is. It’s just money #thingsprivilegedpeoplesay.

Anyway, we settled on Peru and we started planning. By “we” I mean, not me. My main contribution was asking other people for Peru recommendations and throwing them in a google doc. The one thing I did was book us an Airbnb for Lima. My friend liaised with a travel group in Cusco and did the extremely heavy lift of coordinating everything with the travel agency. The agency took care of everything from tours, airport pickups, train and hotel reservations, and anything else we could have wanted, like advice on how much to tip drivers. Did I mention this was all done 3 weeks in advance? We had extremely low expectations given that this was a slapdash, last-minute trip, and we were all extremely pleasantly surprised.

Our trip started with three girls (including me) in Lima, and we had zero plans. We had a few lazy days exploring the city. We slept in, left the Airbnb around 11 am, got iced lattes, and went on a few free walking tours. We explored the Huaca Pucllana pre-Incan ruins that are right in the middle of the city. We also did some solo exploring, first at the nearby John F. Kennedy Park. The strangest thing about this park is not that it is named for a US President, but that it houses hundreds of stray cats. One of the friends I was with is obsessed with cats, so of course me made multiple visits to the park. These are not just dirty street bodega cats, thankfully. There is an association, Gatos Parque Kennedy, that cares for, feeds, and provides sterilization for the cats living in the park. There’s even an adoption process in case someone wants to take one home. I don’t think you’re allowed to transport cats across the border, otherwise my friend may have tried to smuggle one home (she did not).

We went on a tour of the historic city including the Gran Hotel Bolívar, the Plaza de Armas, the House of Peruvian Literature, and the Santo Domingo Church. At one point, we passed a woman dressed as a zombie bride holding a dead bloody baby, and she had 3 other bloody babies at her feet. I’m not sure if anyone else on the tour noticed her, but I did. At first, I thought I was making it up so I brought it to my friend’s attention. I said “do you see all those bloody babies?” It was not in my head, they were indeed there, but they were dolls. At another point we went into the Church of San Francisco, where our tour guide said “see all those little toy cars by the statue of Jesus? Each one was put there by a parent for their dead child. Ok! Let’s move on.” He was a fast-moving guide. It took me a few moments to shift gears.

We ended the tour with a Pisco tasting in a souvenir shop, where we tried 8 types of Pisco, and then we were hustled into buying souvenirs (we got adorable pom pom hair ties).

The next day, we went on a free walking tour of Barranco, which started out with a bang because we had to take a local bus there with the tour guide. We were surprised to find out that the buses do not actually stop at stops, but instead just open their doors while moving and expect you to jump out. What an adventure. Thankfully we all survived.

Barranco is known as the artsy neighborhood of Lima filled with murals, street art, and lots of great local food. In Barranco, you can also find the famous Bridge of Sighs, where legend has it, if you’re able to walk across the bridge while holding your breath, your wish will come true. I won’t tell you my wish, but I bet you can guess.

Throughout my trip to Peru, you’ll see that eating was a main theme. Lima has become a bit of a food destination, and it’s often called South America’s culinary capital. While we didn’t do any of our fancy eating until the last few days of the trip (stay tuned!), we did a good amount of eating throughout the trip. On the front end of the trip, we ate a lot of street food. I was thrilled to be traveling with fellow adventurous eaters, so we tried and shared a lot of Peruvian delicacies, starting with antichuchos (beef heart). We also tried a classic dessert called picarones, aniseed-flavoured doughnuts with mashed squash. We bought a caramel-filled churro from the street, as well as an ice-cream-looking cone, but it was more like marshmallow fluff? Later in Cusco, we tried alpaca and guinea pig (I’ll save you the pictures). Alpaca tasted like bison, guinea pig was a little bit like rabbit. We knew we had to try the classic rotisserie chicken, but since we like to go big or go home, we went to a chicken place and got chicken three different ways. All three were amazing. We also sampled Inca Cola, which I hated, but I don’t like soda so I wasn’t surprised.

In between our eating, we got our steps in by exploring the city. We walked to the shoreline along El Malecon, a cliffside walking path. There’s a mall there as well, called Larcomar. We walked around and chatted while we sat on a bench and were approached by many locals who wanted to practice their English (and ask us for money). It was beautiful and peaceful. There was also a “Love Park,” which was dedicated on Valentine’s Day. It features a massive sculpture of two people embracing, and it’s surrounded by mosaics with romantic lines from Peruvian poems.

On our final day in Lima we decided to book an excursion to the Palomino Islands. According to TripAdvisor, they promised we would see Humboldt penguins and sea lions, and that we’d get wet suits and have the opportunity hop in and swim with them. The reviews were less stellar. Most of the recent reviews said that the sea lions were extremely stinky, and that the water was too cold and the sea lions wouldn’t get in. We decided it was worth a try anyway. I don’t know why, but I expected we’d see maybe 10-15 sea lions. I am not exaggerating when I say there were THOUSANDS. I’ve never seen anything like this in my life. We donned our wetsuits and were told to put our feet up in front of us to show the sea lions we were not aggressive. Soon enough, the sea lions were hopping into the water off the rocks and swimming all around us. It was absolutely breathtaking, and not just because they were smelly (they were). Our guide had goggles he passed around, and when I looked under water, they were all around us. Hundreds of them were swimming below and alongside us. It was insane. Truly one of the coolest experiences I’ve ever had. In theory, sea lions sometimes come up to you and kiss/lick your feet, but none of them did this to me. I was a little disappointed but also relieved because they are HUGE up close and intimidating. It was a real adrenaline rush.

In our $2 Uber back to our Airbnb to shower off the sea lion smell, I couldn’t stop thinking about how amazing the experience was, and I started getting soooo sad. My thought process went like this: “wow that was the coolest experience ever. I can’t believe I got to do that. I wish I hadn’t been able to do that. No, that’s not true, I’m really glad I got to do that. I had so much fun. I wish I hadn’t had fun. No that’s not true. I’m glad I had fun. But I wish I had a living child instead. If I had a baby, I wouldn’t have been able to do that. I’d rather have a baby. But I don’t get to choose. I wish I could choose. Why don’t I get to choose? Everything is so unfair. Why am I upset every time I’m happy? Why am I like this? Why can’t I just be happy? I hate who I am now. I don’t want this life.” Etc. etc. in circles. It’s really frustrating to be mad at myself every time I’m happy. Some may call this survivor’s guilt, but it isn’t really guilt. It’s more like a consolation prize. I’m happy I got a prize, but it pales in comparison to the real prize, the one I really wanted. And if I had a choice, I’d give up the consolation prize in a split second for the real prize. But I don’t get to choose, and that just fucking sucks. This was the first of many times during this trip that these spiraling thoughts happened to me.

There were many nights where I cried myself to sleep, but I am a pretty quiet crier, and I think mostly no one noticed even though I was sharing a room. Mornings used to be hard, back when I’d first wake up and realize my life wasn’t all a bad dream. But now, nights are the hardest, especially when I’m away from Chris, the one person who I feel truly understands what we have been through. Even he doesn’t always understand how I feel, but he understands best.

As we prepared to go to Cusco, which is approximately 11,500 feet above sea level, we were told to buy altitude sickness medication from a pharmacy and to start taking it one day before arrival. Since Manhattan is about 250 feet above sea level, I thought it would be smart to be prepared. However, as I googled the side effects, I realized that there may be some contraindications with my blood pressure medications I’ve been on since my pregnancy. I scrambled to message two of my doctors and hoped they would write me back. Thankfully they both did, but one of them recommended I down-dose my other meds, depending on what my blood pressure was reading at high altitude. I probably should have brought a monitor, but I didn’t. I spent the next 4 days worried I’d pass out in the street and end up in a Peruvian hospital. Thankfully, that did not happen, but the constant low-grade anxiety was not ideal. These are all just fun continuing repercussions of having a dead daughter, I guess.

The next morning, after taking two doses of altitude meds, we headed to the Lima airport to take a short, 80-minute flight to Cusco, where we would meet our fourth friend and begin our hiking adventures. Don’t get it twisted, we did not do the Inca Trail 4-day hike, we took a train to Machu Picchu. But we did do a good amount of walking and stairs over the next few days. We saw some of the most amazing landscapes I’ve seen in my life. I don’t usually go for blog post cliffhangers, but this one is already long, so get ready for Cusco and Sacred Valley adventures next week!

Can you see how many sea lions are behind us?

Travel

Brigantine Beach Girls’ Week

August 23, 2023 3 Comments

I have a fun blog this week because I went on a vaycay with the girls! I was going to say our last name like “the Smith girls,” since “the girls” are my mom and my sister, but then I realized we all have different last names. And I wouldn’t want to share them here on the blog. ANYWAY, we went to Brigantine Beach last week just outside of Atlantic City and we had a blast.

This was actually our second annual trip to Brigantine, but this one seemed much more fun because we were well-prepared.

First of all, seagulls. I know, that isn’t a full sentence, but trust me, it is. As the kids say, IYKYK. If you don’t know, the seagulls near Atlantic City are infamous. They will literally steal food out of your hand. Last year, my poor sister attempted to eat a pretzel and a seagull swooped down and nipped her arm! This year, we knew better. We brought food for hotel room consumption ONLY. Also, we knew to eat before heading to the beach or pool so we weren’t hungry.

Also, this year we knew who of us loves sitting in a chair, and who loves laying on a blanket on her stomach like a beached whale (me). We had two chairs and 5 sunscreens ready for long days in the sun. We also had games, lots of them. Throughout the 3 days, we played Uno, Taboo, and Scattergories. We also drank, but not nearly as much as we thought we would. We make this mistake every year and overestimate our love of inebriation.

The reason we love this hotel and went back to the same one is because it is a 5-minute walk to the beach, but it also has a rooftop pool. I love the beach, especially the smell of the ocean and the sound of the waves, but sometimes I just want to be close to a bathroom, and not covered in sand. Also, there’s an added benefit of putting your feet in the water while you read. This year, my mom and I decided to read the exact same book at the same time. She was slightly ahead of me, but it was fun to talk about it. I also took a few long solo walks on the beach while I listened to some podcasts. It was so nice to have my feet in the sand, and to hear the crash of waves over my earbuds.

It’s a little hard to believe that I’ve made it 6 paragraphs into a post about the Jersey shore without mentioning Wawa, but do not fret. We stayed in Brigantine for three nights, and we went to Wawa 3 times. As one should. I got my fix of hoagies and iced coffees for at least another 2 weeks.

The one downside of the trip this year was that we had stormy weather every single night. Thankfully, though, it was gorgeous all day every day and we made the most of our rainy nights. One night we stayed in and played games. One night we went out to get amazing ice cream. And the other night, a true highlight: I finally saw the Barbie movie! I felt so left out of the conversation. After the first week of release, everyone had seen it, and no one would go with me. That is not entirely true, many people offered to see it with me a second time, but I felt like it just wasn’t the same if I was seeing it for the first time. However, of course it turned out that my mom and sister had both already seen it, too, because everyone had. Alas, it was still a great rainy activity, and they were both happy to see it again. We rummaged through our suitcases for any pieces of pink we could find and headed out. I ate far too much popcorn, which is exactly the right amount.

We had unintentionally amazing timing, since the Atlantic City Air Show was happening the final day, we were there. For the few days leading up, we got to see very cool (and LOUD) plane formations practicing, and on the final day after we checked out of the hotel, we headed down to the AC Boardwalk and caught the show up close and personal. We saw massive cargo planes, rescue helicopters, and the coolest part was the aerobatics. We watched planes take terrifying nosedives and barrel rolls. I was holding my breath (and my camera… see photographic evidence below) the whole time. It was extremely hot on the boardwalk without getting in the water, so we stayed just long enough to watch the show and buy some fudge.

Overall, I felt it was such a relaxing trip and I had fun, truly. I know my mom will read this and wonder if I was faking it, but I was not! Grief is strange, you can have an amazing few days, and then something can hit you like a ton of bricks. For example, on our final day there, we walked into a souvenir shop on the boardwalk for a quick respite from the heat. I looked at all of the t-shirts and tchotchkes and of course my eyes were drawn immediately to the tiny onesies. I remembered the last time I was in a shop like that on Fort Lauderdale beach for my close friend’s wedding in February. I was 23.5 weeks pregnant. I almost bought an adorable two-piece get-up for our baby-to-be. But I didn’t. And who knows if I ever will. Being in that store immediately cut me. But the way I know I’m healing is, I was able to move through that feeling and on to other feelings.

We dropped my sister off at the train station, and then my mom and I went back to my parents’ house. We went to a garden dedication for her friend where 5 of my mom’s friends asked if I had gotten taller. I’m not sure if they are shrinking or if I’m getting taller, but I’m wondering if I should measure myself just to be sure. Later that night, we saw Sutton Foster in concert at Longwood Gardens. Her song choice was meh, but her voice was amazing. I felt so lucky to see her and spend more time with my momma! I stayed at my parents’ house for the night and got to spend more time with them and a friend the next day going on walks around the neighborhood.

We had such a stress-free and great bonding week. Our hope is to make this an annual thing and do it again next year!

At the garden dedication with my parents

Travel

Bucket List

November 19, 2022 2 Comments

Last weekend I was describing my recent trip to Australia to a friend when I said, “I’m really happy to have knocked a few things off of my bucket list.” And now I am on a plane on my way back to New York (from a different trip) and I started watching the movie The Bucket List. It’s not a new movie, but it stars Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman, so I figured it had to be good. It turns out it WAS good, but it left me pondering.

The movie premise is about two older men (but not extremely old) who are diagnosed with terminal illnesses, become extremely unlikely friends, and bond over completing their “bucket lists” before they die. Not exactly an uplifting premise, but certainly one that made me think.

I am (thank god) not approaching death to my knowledge, despite the fact that my husband thinks my one sweet n low/day in my coffee is slowly causing my demise. However, I’ve always had a list like this. My problem: the list only seems to grow. I have a lot of friends who see my travels and gape at all of the places I have been. My response? “But I’ve never been to Asia!” Or “I’d really love to go to Japan.” Or “Yes I’ve been to Iceland, but I only went to Reykjavik and I can’t believe I didn’t get a chance to see the Northern Lights.”

I grew up in a relatively privileged environment. I had two parents in the home, I never worried about food insecurity, housing insecurity, I always went to great schools and had siblings and friends to play with. I was also lucky not to travel in circles like the kids I see in Manhattan. You know the types… the ones who use “summer” as a verb and have been flying Business to Switzerland since they learned how to ski. My family went on an annual family vacation, usually to the Jersey Shore. And we loved it. I fondly remember playing in the pool with my dad where he would play “Monster of the Deep,” and creep up on us in the deep end, pick us up and throw us to the other side of the pool. I remember saltwater taffy and funnel cake on the boardwalk, and “beauty pageants” by the hotel or motel pool, where I’d always win a participation prize of a retractable hair brush. The point is, I was happy, but I was sheltered. I had no idea what else was out there, and it was a blessing and a curse.

In college, I started going on cruises and getting a taste of what else was out there: mostly beautiful beaches, since the cruises from Florida mostly went to the Caribbean. Then I went to Israel twice and realized WOW, there are so many other cultures. I wanted to experience them ALL.

On my final flight back from Australia last month, there were multiple teenagers who clearly hadn’t been on a plane before. They kept opening and closing the window shade to take photos of the clouds. It was highly annoying. But it also made me think: am I not appreciating the little things anymore? I was SO tired. It was my 7^th flight of the month. (One of them I jumped out of, hence the uneven number. More on that later.) I just wanted to get home and get into my bed. But within my utter annoyance with these girls, I also realized that maybe my Ever-Growing Bucket List is clouding my vision and appreciation.

Since I didn’t write a whole blog on my Australia trip, I’ll give you a quick recap of highlights. Maybe I’ll write more another time.

Here are some things I did: traveled across the WORLD. Went on my longest flight I’ve ever been on. Visited a new continent. Saw where my friend lived after being friends for 8+ years. Spent time exploring a new city. Toured the world-famous opera house. Had food and drinks under the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Saw Luna Park. Walked the Sydney Harbor Bridge. Tried hot pot for the first time. Tried Malaysian food for the first time. Saw wild kangaroos. Fed wallabies. Touched a koala. Saw wild wombats. Visited multiple breathtaking waterfalls. Rode the world’s steepest railway car. Saw the Great Barrier Reef. Scuba dove for the first time. Ziplined for the first time. In a rainforest. Saw the only place in the world where two UNESCO World Heritage Sites abut one another. Walked paths that were once walked by dinosaurs. Jumped out of an airplane.

Every single one of those things is content enough for its own blog post, and I left things out! How is it POSSIBLE that there are still things on my “list”? I have felt a lot of tick tock time pressure lately. The pressure that comes along with being a woman who wants children and is in her mid-30s. I have a lot of intrusive thoughts about my life being over when I have kids. And don’t get me wrong, I still want them. Definitely 100% for sure I want children. But I ALSO want all of these other things.

I want to see and walk on the Great Wall. I want to ride a bullet train in Japan. I want to see the Northern Lights. I want to see the Pyramids. I want to stay in an overwater bungalow in the Maldives. I want to go glamping in Africa and I want to see giraffes in the wild. I want to go in a hot air balloon, preferably in Cappadocia.

And the list keeps growing. I have friends who follow travel accounts on Instagram, and meanwhile, I have very consciously unfollowed them all because I felt it was bad for my mental health. The FOMO is real! Sometimes I even mute my friends when they go on vacations or trips because I know I will be too jealous to be happy for them! This is by far a first world problem.

I recently had some conversations with friends of mine who are parents, and the only generalization I have been able to glean is that every family is different. There are some parents who clearly and unequivocally say, “your life isn’t over when you have kids!” But then all of their Instagram stories are of their kids, or about their kids, and their conversations and complaints are about kids, and you guessed it, their vacations are too. These are the families I used to focus on, and I think that’s what led to this “end of times” mentality around travel and exploration.

Some of my friends who have had kids admit their lives changed drastically, that nothing is the same, and that all things will revolve around their kids for at least a decade. I feel selfish to admit this but… I’m not ready for that sacrifice! To me, these people may say “well then maybe you’re not ready for kids.” But there is a third group. The elusive in-betweens. These are the friends who say, “your life isn’t over when you have kids” and they truly practice what they preach. They continue to have multifaceted lives, some activities and conversation around their kids, and some not. They have fulfilling careers. They have hobbies and interests. They sometimes even (gasp) take trips with their girlfriends and leave their kids home!

I have a feeling that my bucket list will continue to grow. The more time I live in this world, the more I realize how much more there is to see. And I think that’s ok. I need to also be appreciative of all of the things I have seen and achieved. As a woman in her mid-30’s, all of this travel and exploration was not possible or attainable for the generations before me. I am lucky to have so much content for my blog, and I am sure I will keep posting here, even if it means mining material from previous trips for a short period of time.

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