I’m taking a break from travel blog content to bring you Halloween content. And yes, I do know that Halloween was basically three weeks ago, but since I am always balancing 78 things, and doing them all at about 50% capacity, this seemed like the perfect timing.
As you already know, Halloween is my favorite holiday. It combines so many things I love: candy, DIY costumes, strangers, and drinking.
Since I have a 15 month old now (almost 16!!), I don’t do much of the drinking part, but I figured I could still capitalize on the candy and costumes and strangers, sort of.
I had a few complications for the amount of prep time required this year: namely, my 11-day trip during October, and the fact that I had 19 braid clients for the Marathon, which was also Halloween weekend. I still did my best by preparing and multi-tasking like all great moms do.
I started my Halloween prep in August. Prep always begins with the idea. I was brainstorming a lot of different themed outfits, knowing I needed to capitalize on the last year Toddler A wouldn’t be voicing his opinions about what he wanted to be. I wanted something unique, funny, and simple to DIY. I was very close to making us a family of Loraxes (Loraxi?) because a toddler tummy is just the cutest, and you all know my affinity for unitards runs deep. But when I realized it would be unlikely to get Chris to agree to galivanting around in a bright orange uni, I went back to the drawing board.
I finally decided on the movie, Up! The original plan was to make Toddler A Russell, the Scout, and then create the house for me, and for Ms. Jen, our nanny, to wear during the day while I was busy braiding, and have Chris be the old man.
However, as with all plans, there were hiccups. 1. I didn’t think Ms. Jen could push the stroller while wearing a box and 2. Chris refused to spray paint his hair, and gray hair is mandatory if you want to be the old man!
I switched gears. I decided to make Ms. Jen and Toddler A matching Wilderness Explorer costumes, in case she couldn’t wear the house while strollering. Then, since Chris wouldn’t be the old man, I decided I would! That is funnier, anyway.
I followed a few DIY tutorials I found online. This and this and this for Russell, and then this major one for the house. For Russell, I used felt I already owned for Toddler A’s sash and handkerchief, and I had to buy fabric for Ms. Jen’s. The badges were tedious to cut out, first the felt, then the badges, then glueing them all together (with an empty spot for the “Assisting the Elderly”/ Elliebadge Russell’s working on, of course). The advantage of the tedium was that it was a very easy multi-tasking process. I actually cut the felt backing for the badges and the badges themselves, AND glued it all together while on work calls. It required no concentration.
I wasn’t planning on writing a blog about this, or taking photos of the process, but our cleaner saw me gluing badges and said I absolutely HAD to document the process.
The house was another story. That required a lot of concentration, outside time for painting, measuring, and of course insane engineering. Not to mention, I had to find the right size box! I had the whole building staff looking out on recycling days to find me a box, and they found a perfect one from another apartment’s Ruggable delivery! After 3 coats of paint, I measured and cut the windows and trimming from felt I already owned, and then I threaded the shoulder strap ribbons with a plastic needle I had from wrapping string around braids. The ribbon I used was also from my braid supplies. Definitely DIY.
For the old man costume, I just bought the bow tie and glasses, and used Chris’s clothes. (See? He’s an old man at heart.) I borrowed a cane from someone in our Buy Nothing Group!
The final challenge for the costume was balloons. There cannot be an Up costume without balloons! But helium is hard to find, and expensive. Also, it’s a day-of task, and I was too busy braiding on Halloween to find and procure helium balloons! My friend told me about a delivery website for balloons, but they were $5 each plus delivery, and I knew I probably needed at least 8. That seemed like a steep price for a DIY costume we’d probably wear for under an hour.
Four days before Halloween, I had an idea: I would make a headband. I was convinced this was better because: 1. I already owned multiple headbands 2. The balloons would then be above the house, which was the whole point 3. It wouldn’t require helium and 4. A headband on Chris was a win, no matter what.
The night before Halloween, I sat down with balloons, a headband, and packing tape, and it worked!! I was so proud of myself for my idea.
Engineering feat not for the weakafter 1 coat of paintafter 2-3 coats of paintafter the trimmings were addedMy hair-wrapping needle coming in clutchHeadband from WAP costumeI’m still so proud of myself for this idea
On the actual day of Halloween, I was busy braiding all day, but I did get to visit with Ms. Jen and Toddler A to see them in their matching outfits and it was just the cutest thing ever. My heart was bursting!!
Later that night, I took a one-hour break from braiding to go trick or treating in the building. Everything about our costume worked out perfectly! With the exception of the fact that Toddler A grabbed the glasses off my face every time he was near them, and it was hard for Chris to fit in the elevator with his box, especially if there were other kiddos in costumes in there.
We trick or treated for about 30 minutes (#toddlerlife), but the doormen said we had the best costume in the building, and that made it all worth it.
Ideas for next year? For the moms out there… at what age did your kids insist on a specific costume and veto a family one?
special shoutout to my 1-year postpartum hairs in all directions
I listen to a few podcasts and on one of them, the host occasionally does a “chaotic life update” when a lot has happened and she wants to catch everyone up.
Since I’ve only posted on the blog a few times this year, and the year is more than half over, I think we are overdue for some updates. Presented here in no particular order because chaos is the new name of the game.
We went on our first international trip as a family!
…on 3 days’ notice. Honestly, I think I deserve a medal like I won the Olympics because WHAT?! I still can’t believe I succeeded at this and did not forget anything. I placed 14 Amazon orders between Monday when we booked the flights, and Thursday when we left. That is not an exaggeration, that is a fact.
We also had to wait in a 2-hour line with an 11-month-old when we got to the airport because my ticket was booked under my maiden name, but my passport has my married name. By the time we boarded the plane, I was already out of all of my tricks I got on TikTok for entertaining a small child while traveling.
I won’t go into the full details of the flight, but let’s just say it was a CHALLENGE. The flight attendants were on their worst behavior, and they were scolding passengers the whole time and even handing out yellow tickets to parents of misbehaving kids. They had security meet some of the parents at the gate in Mexico! Thankfully I was not the recipient of a yellow ticket, despite A’s choice timing of a major poo blowout that we had to change on the seat next to us, after being instructed absolutely no passengers were allowed in the aisle. Sigh.
Anyway, the trip was so fun, all of Chris’s siblings were there, A got to swim in a big pool and the ocean for the very first time, and he absolutely adored the never-ending food. Especially the French fries. He’s clearly his mother’s son.
Related… we got him his first passport!
…that arrived with his incorrect birth date. MAJOR eye roll. Why do they require the original copy of a birth certificate if they are not cross checking it?? If there’s something I just love doing, it’s paperwork. Can you sense the sarcasm? Anyway, after more paperwork and an additional trip to the post office, we eventually got it corrected.
I’ve officially been an employee at my organization for 11 years *mind blown emoji*
This is pretty much exactly what I wouldrecommend people not do if they want to advance their careers. That said, I have had three different roles at this organization, AND I had my student loans forgiven last summer! I was in the thick of postpartum so I never wrote a blog about it, but it happened! I am officially debt-free. I don’t need to think about the horrible mistake I made going to law school, and thankfully I didn’t have a heart attack taking the Bar Exam.
I’ve been reflecting a lot on how much has changed since I started this job. It’s hard to look at 11 years and NOT think about what has transpired since I began.
I have gone from single to dating. Dating to engaged. Resident of NYC. COVID. 6-month temporary resident of Texas. Brown hair to purple hair to blonde hair to brown hair. Engaged to married. Pregnant. Mother of a dead child. Pregnant. Mother of an alive child (and still a dead one). It’s been a lot. And I’m still working with the same rabbis! And after all of these years, I’m still completely nonreligious.
Speaking of alive children…
Baby A turned 1!!
I guess he has to be Toddler A now, technically. How did that happen?? Time flies when you are in a hormone and sleep-deprived haze.
We had a huge party for him at a brewery, and no matter the judgement I received for the choice of venue, it was definitely the right decision! A had a blast crawling and pulling himself around the floor, and he definitely loved the BYO food policy because he was able to eat cheese to his heart’s content.
The theme was PIZZA and I made him a bespoke pizza crown, as well as matching shirts for all of us. Who knew that having a kid would mean that I could flex my DIY Halloween costume muscles multiple times/year now!? Speaking of… I better start thinking about Halloween.
I’ve gone to see 4 Broadway Shows this year!
Actually, I’ve seen 4 on Broadway and 1 off! I started the year strong with Oh Mary AND Suffs in January, and then I saw Buena Vista Social Club for my birthday with Chris, and I saw The Great Gatsby last week. Also, I saw the Friends Parody Musical, which was off Broadway and hysterical. I have been trying to balance my life more, carving out time for myself. Also, now that A barely wakes up at night, I feel more comfortable coming home after 9 pm because there’s a good possibility I will still get sleep. Chris and I have worked out a schedule that seems to be good for both of us, but hopefully soon we will also leave the house together more often. Fingers crossed. Speaking of carving out time for myself…
Playbill pics are mandatoryBirthday date night!Can you tell this was a January show not the one I went to in July?
I am trying to get back into a gym routine.
I am actually a member of three gyms now, and I am proud that last month I had two personal milestones: swimming a mile for the first time since BEFORE Covid and running the entire 28 minute block in Orangetheory without any breaks to walk. I am trying to get back to feeling as strong as I did before I had A. After Maliyah, I threw myself into the gym and felt stronger than ever (physically). Now that I am strong mentally, I’m working on the physical part.
I weaned off of Zoloft. And therapy.
I both started and stopped Zoloft in the past year. I can’t say for sure if it helped, but I always said that I would start it, knowing that if I wanted to get off, I would just get off, and that’s what I did. Am I still anxious? Yes. Especially around big events like leading up to A’s birthday, but I like to think I can still function well through the anxiety and that is the main goal.
As for therapy, weaning off wasn’t difficult, but I think that’s because I did not have a good match for a therapist. I found myself wishing every week that I could use that hour for the gym instead, and so I decided to do just that. I’m not saying that working out is a substitute for therapy, but if you only have time for one, and the therapist isn’t the right fit, then you have to choose.
I am really back on the braiding wagon!
I have eight (8!!!) clients this month for festivals. Yikes! I also have five clients who have already signed up for hair for the NYC Marathon.
Related, I built a scheduler into my website for hair appointments for the marathon. I was so proud of myself for figuring it all out: the set up, the logos, the photo uploads, the calendar syncing, the bank account linking… everything! It looks great and I am proud of it! I am really hoping it cuts down on the back-and-forth admin time. Now with a small child, I have even less time to email to set up times and deposits, so I think this streamlined system will help a lot!
There are many things I could keep updating on, but I hope to be back to long form blogs soon so I can deep dive. Do you have any questions for me? Mom life, parenting after loss, NYC living, working mom balance, hair, professional, let me know in the comments 😊
Was he crying or screaming in excitement? No one knows.Birthday boy in his special crown.Hair trial for Burning Man. She’s coming back in a few weeks!
Three weeks ago, I went on a 3-day whirlwind road trip through New England, which seems as good an occasion as any to come back to the blog! We hit seven states from Monday at noon to Thursday at noon. That’s a lot of driving, and a LOT of snacks, as you’ll see. NY to CT to RI to MA to NH to ME and back to NH to MA to RI to CT to NJ to NY.
I thought about organizing this blog into places, activities and food, but that seemed more confusing, and less impressive than chronological, because I know you will be floored with the amount of ground we covered.
First question I repeatedly got: Where was your child? At home. With his other parent. And nanny. Praise the lord for our nanny. More on that another time.
Second question I got: Why? Because I was off work for the week and needed some girlie time. And my BFF was visiting from Australia. And I had never been to Maine.
We booked the car four days before setting off, and then the next day we booked three bed and breakfasts, the first in Bristol, Rhode Island, then in Kennebunk, Maine, and then in Madison, Connecticut. We didn’t plan or book anything else, but we created a Google Map with about 50 things pinned as possibilities. Many were closed for the season or closed on the random days we were going, but don’t you worry, we found a lot to do.
The main (pun intended) purpose of the road trip was to spend time together, so we knew that no matter what happened, we would have fun.
Our first step was to set up the car’s Bluetooth. I had driven a car the month prior, but before that, I hadn’t been behind the wheel for a year #CityGirl. Kat drives often, but on the other side of the road. We needed navigation help. Special shoutout to Google maps.
But more importantly, we needed playlists. Our jams varied from 2000’s pop to Lady Gaga’s new album, “The Most Hype Taylor Swift Playlist,” to the Wicked soundtrack, Boy Bands, and Simon and Garfunkel. Basically, only the best music.
Once we had a map and some songs on deck, we hit the road. We set our navigation for Mystic. Connecticut, and then started driving. We thought we would go to Mystic for lunch, but we found so many fun places to stop along the way that we didn’t end up in Mystic until nearly 5 pm.
First, we saw a billboard for the Pez factory. Excuse me? This did not show up on any of our research. ChatGPT didn’t mention it, Atlas Obscura somehow missed it, too. But thank God we saw that billboard while scream-singing The Wizard and I, because this place was AMAZING. Caps are intended, I could literally write an entire blog about this place. For starters, it was $5 to get in, and it came with a $4 coupon for merch. Then we were greeted with a scavenger hunt game to find and identify different Pez dispensers and spin the wheel for a prize. We were triumphant (with only a little bit of looking over kids’ shoulders)! I cannot recommend this place enough, we had so much fun!
We continued up the road and realized we’d be driving through New Haven. While Kat had been there before, I hadn’t! We had to make a stop and see Yale, where Rory went to school. Rory from Gilmore Girls, of course, our favorite show. More on that later. Yale was absolutely stunning. We first stopped at Cookie39 for some snacks to bring on our campus walk, and it happened to be Cookie Happy Hour, which I did not know was a thing, but I love that it is. We took our Cheesecake, Peanut Butter and Snickerdoodle cookies for a gorgeous walk across campus and to the bookstore, where we came across girl scouts selling (more) cookies, a first for Kat. Of course, since she hadn’t ever had any, we asked them for their recommendations and ended up with a box of Samoas. Kat was so excited to meet Girl Scouts in the wild, she had to take a photo.
We hopped back in the car ($1.50 for parking… clearly not in NYC anymore) and finally made it to Mystic Connecticut where we did some shopping along Main Street in the coolest stores including one shaped like a lighthouse where they were creating baskets and plates and earrings from knots. We had to try Mystic Pizza, where the Slice of the Day was Spaghetti and Meatballs. I can’t resist some carbs on my carbs, and I was not disappointed.
We continued north and made our way to Watch Hill aka the place of the one and only, Taylor Swift’s holiday house. We couldn’t believe our luck, but as we arrived, THE GATE OPENED and a truck went in. No, we didn’t see Taylor, but this was almost as exciting. Every home was more and more impressive than the next. And they were all completely empty in the off season. I’m still wondering how I can get that house-sitting gig. After a brisk walk to ogle the homes, we got back in the car and made it to our Bed and Breakfast, where the welcome board indicated that we were the only guests. Who else spends a random Monday night in Rhode Island in April? There were only two restaurants/pubs still open according to the B&B’s binder, so we quickly made our way to one and had THE BEST dinner. Also, it was $7 Martini Monday. We just kept winning.
Pez Factory!A photo opp hates to see me comingLiving our best Rory lives at YaleMystic!Yes we had pizza, duhCHEZ TAYTHE GATE WAS OPEN. ALERT. THE GATE. WAS. OPEN.
The next day we woke up at our private B&B and had the loveliest breakfast chatting with the host. He gave me a great coffeehouse recommendation, and the food was just amazing. Homemade lemon bars, delicious yogurt parfaits, we did not want for food on this trip. We headed out again with no destination except our evening B&B, and again, we saw a sign that made us change course. We saw an exit for Foxborough, MA, and Kat said, isn’t that where the Patriots play? I couldn’t care less, since I’m an NCAA not an NFL girlie, but I do love exploring a stadium. We turned off the road, and Kat was in heaven. First of all, she loves a shop, and this was THE BIGGEST shop, not to mention that it turns out the stadium itself is kind of inside a huge outdoor mall. From there, we went to Newburyport, MA which was adorable. We found a candy shop called The Candyman, and we saw the actual Candy Men (the owners/founders) making their specialty: cashew turtles. We bought a few for the ride.
We went on to Portsmouth, NH, where we stopped for lunch and some more exploration. Kat found a restaurant called Cheese Louise, which originated as a food truck, and specializes in unique grilled cheese. It was AMAZING. After more exploring (read: walking off our millions of snacks before sitting in the car again), we headed to the Kittery Outlets, where we decided to spend the afternoon that was forecasted to rain. Unfortunately, when we got back to the car I had a parking ticket, which made me extremely mad because I paid for the spot!! Since our trip, I contested the ticket, and I was granted a “one time variance.”
We spent some money at the outlets, and headed to the next destination, the Nubble Lighthouse, one of the “most photographed lighthouses in the world,” on a rocky islet 100 yards off the mainland of Maine. The lighthouse was gorgeous, but the post-storm vibes and incredible opulent homes around it made it even better. We took many photos, shivering and slightly damp, and then we shuffled back to our car to head to our evening B&B in Kennebunk, Maine.
After a quick drop off of our things, we headed to The Pilot for dinner, where we had the best clam chowder I’ve ever eaten. I know that is an extreme statement but it’s true. We ate so much food, then returned to the B&B to eat the homemade cookies and Ghirardelli chocolate left by the host and cuddled in bed to watch Gilmore Girls together. It was basically the perfect night.
The next morning, we rose early again. I think it was a shock to my system not having to wake up overnight to feed a baby. I was up ready to rock and roll by 7 every morning! That worked well, because we had our longest day of driving ahead of us. But first, breakfast. Our host again made us the most incredible breakfast of French toast with fresh fruit, homemade granola in yogurt parfaits, and hot coffee. After taking photos in front of our B&B, which became a daily tradition, we walked next door to the famous Wedding Cake House to take more photos, and then we began our longest driving day.
Our goal for the day was to make it to our turnaround spot at THE BOOT at L.L. Bean and then drive all the way back down to Connecticut. Spoiler alert, we did it! L.L. Bean has a massive campus, especially because their main store is under renovations. They currently have 6 separate stores, one of which is a temporary massive tent, called Camp L.L. BEAN. I got two pairs of hand-cut shoelaces and fun stickers, and Kat got an embroidered Boat & Tote. We got a workout shopping at all of the stores and made our way to our first (3) snacks of the day. First up, the official snack of Maine, the whoopie pie! Did you know that? Because I didn’t. They had a store full of different flavors, and we tried chocolate peanut butter and pumpkin. Both were amazing. We then made our way down the street to McDonalds. If you’re thinking that is lame, you haven’t been to this McDonalds. Due to Freeport design laws, there are no big yellow arches to be found, they had to remodel an existing mansion and build a McDonald’s in it. The outside is an unassuming house, but the inside looks like a regular Micky Ds. Very strange. We hadn’t had enough snacks yet, so we went further down the street to Wilburs’s of Maine, where we watched them make chocolate-covered espresso beans, and bought some more treats for the road. We hopped back in the car, threw on some more Taylor Swift and started driving south.
We made a quick stop in Portland, Maine for lunch of lobster rolls and lobster mac and cheese, and went for a walk. We found the original location of SeaBags, a store we kept seeing around the northeast. Every bag and item in the store is made from recycled boat sails. They were so cool, and at the factory store we got a few items on mark down. We spent the rest of the afternoon in the car, but a road trip would not be complete without a Blizzard, so we made a mandatory dinner pit stop at DQ. Kat had never tried their chicken tenders, which are superior (shoutout to my nephew who introduced me to this), so thank goodness this DQ was a “grill and chill.” We took our Blizzards and tendies back to the B&B where we showered and tucked in for our final night of cuddling and Gilmore Girls.
Are you wondering why I have mentioned Gilmore Girls 3 times already? Well, because we are obsessed. When we were roommates, we used to watch it all the time, and even though we live on opposite sides of the world, we still talk about which episode we are currently watching, and why everyone should be #TeamLogan (kidding of course, we are only #TeamEmily).
Anyway, since we are obsessed with GG, the perfect end to our road trip was the places where GG was inspired by: The Mayflower Inn in Washington, CT, and New Milford, CT, the inspo for Stars Hollow. I am not really sure how to describe the feeling of stepping into a place you always wanted to visit/live/make friends/be townsfolk in. There were references everywhere to the show, like the antiques store where they said on the sign outside that they were “nicer than Mrs. Kim,” or the diner that had the same “NO CELL PHONES” sign as Luke’s Diner, and of course the infamous gazebo in the town square. I almost cried when we stepped inside. It was surreal and so special to be there with one of my closest friends. We ate at the diner (duh) and did some shopping before heading back to the airport for our “goodbye for now.”
Every night on our road trip, we did a “peak and pit” of the day, so I figured I’d end the blog with some peaks and pits of the trip:
Peaks:
Spending time with Kat
The Pez factory (and minimal cheating off of children)
Singing in the car
Kat meeting Girl Scouts and trying her first Samoa
Not having any necessary planned stops, so we could be spontaneous
Chatting with the B&B hosts, and the lemon bars in RI
Learning how to make seals on toilet paper rolls at the B&B in ME
Sticker collecting
Pits:
A parking ticket in New Hampshire
3 days is too short
We didn’t meet any Stars Hollow townspeople
Overall, we had the BEST time just being together, yapping, snacking, and cuddling. I hope we can do it again soon!
Look how cool this toilet paper seal was!! Can you guess how they did it???Us in the Stars Hollow aka New Milford gazeboLiving our best New England Prairie livesLove her so much!!
It’s my birthday. One year older, one year wiser, that’s what they say.
I think it may have been Jane Fonda who said, “it’s a privilege to get older, because what’s the alternative?” I guess that’s true, if you’re truly grateful to be alive. Sometimes I feel that way.
I used to LOVE my birthdays. I had so many parties growing up; here are a few I remember: Plaster Palace, like a Color-Me-Mine around age 8, my roller rink birthday around age 6, and of course I’ll never forget my 10th birthday at the hair and nail salon. There’s a photo that will live in infamy of all the girls with feather boas and grossly too much stage makeup for 10-year-olds.
Not much has changedSTYLIN!!!FASHUN, look it up.
Then I got older, and birthdays in college revolved around to-do lists, or oversized poster-board scavenger hunts of things to find and do out at the club. This included, “kiss a police officer,” and other things I’d literally never do as a grown adult with a brain. All of this was of course captured on our digital cameras, which never left our hands, and those photos appeared on Facebook in an album of 60 pictures within 12 hours of getting home and waking in a hangover stupor.
Then came the next phase of birthdays, the themed extravaganzas. There was 24 Ready to Score, where my friends dressed as sports players and I was the ref. There was 29 Neon Sign, which was a boat party, on a not-private boat, but it became that because we kind of took over. Then things became a bit less outrageous but still themed, and instead of a bar crawl we moved the party to the rooftop of my building with Nerdy Thirty.
21st!!“Find the oldest man at the bar”Last time I willingly got close to a cop.23rd Revenge of the Nerds“Ask someone for a cigarette and break it in half”REF on the bar!!First bday with the hubs! Boat TakeoverNeon SignNerds back for Nerdy Thirty
That was 2017. I’m not sure what happened in 2018 and 2019, but once Covid hit, my birthday celebrations really took a hit.
It could have been because I was older, or it could have been because my friends’ group was smaller, or because my hangovers got worse, or because my energy continued to dwindle (probably all of the above), but I also think it’s just because aging became less fun.
I used to adamantly say my favorite holiday was my birthday because it was special, and it was just for me (disregarding the other 20 million people worldwide who have the same birthday). Now, it feels like a cruel demarcation of time that shouldn’t be celebrated. I am pretty sure this feeling is worse when you’re a woman, since our societal value decreases with age, not to mention our waning fertility, but maybe I’m wrong and men feel this way, too.
This year I’m 37 and I mostly spent the week leading up to my birthday thinking about what I thought my life would look like versus what it actually looks like. I thought my family would be complete by now. I thought I’d be in my forever-job. Instead I have a dead kid, multiple degrees I don’t really use, 100K in student loans from my dumb decision to go to law school, new health issues from a pregnancy that resulted in a dead baby, and an uncertain future as far as location, family size, and work are concerned. Basically, everything is “TBD” which is a strange place to be in and celebrate.
I have one piece of the puzzle, my sweet husband, but I’m still figuring out the rest and time is ticking. I’m hopeful I’ll have a living baby this year, and that would be another huge piece of the puzzle. But because of Maliyah, I feel like no matter what puzzle I end up with, there will always be a missing piece and it’s disconcerting.
Every time I don’t think about my age, my doctors bring me back to earth. I was considered “geriatric” even before my first pregnancy, so what does that make me now? Super-geriatric? The more p.c. term now is “advanced maternal age,” but to be honest, that does not make me feel great either. Every ultrasound photo says my age in years and months on the top of the photo, and sometimes I actually forget how old I am until I see that. It seems like the last two years passed in a cloud of grief and anxiety, and the 3 years before that were Covid-years, which we’ve collectively agreed to pretend didn’t happen.
Turning 37 this year, I really feel 32, but I also feel like I’ve lived 100 lives since then.
Two weeks ago, I was at an ultrasound and the tech wished me a happy early birthday and asked if I had any plans. I didn’t. Yesterday, my MFM wished me a happy birthday and semi-scolded me for not having any plans, saying (with a bit too much optimism, IMO) that we should take advantage before our lives change even more.
Honestly, I hadn’t made plans because I just assumed I’d be either in the hospital, or grieving the loss of a second baby by now. Last year I was supposed to be 38 weeks pregnant on my birthday, instead I was 0 weeks pregnant and crying. My big hope and birthday wish for this year was that I’d still be pregnant on my birthday. I really didn’t think it would happen but here I am. Since my ultimate wish came true, I’m happy with that and I don’t need a party.
I’m in a weird spot where every day, I’m one day older, which is kind of depressing, but I’m also one day more pregnant which is great news for the little one who’s still marinating.
This year, that was the only gift I wanted, and so far I have it. Sometimes I miss the big celebrations, the pomp & circumstance, the themes and the dedicated day-of-me, but most times, I’m just chilling on the couch thankful to be pregnant. So, happy birthday to me! From me, in my living room.
If you’ve been here since the beginning, you have known my husband since the aughts (nearly), back when he was emoji-bf. We’ve come a long way; today, we are now married two whole years. And it’s a happy occasion!
I feel the need to say that because a lot of times in the past year when people wish me Happy Something, it’s not happy at all. Birthday? Not happy, a cruel demarcation of time and my waning fertility. Hanukkah and Christmas? Not happy, as my matching PJ sets (mom, dad and baby) sit in my parent’s basement because I can’t have them in my house.
But anniversary? Definitely happy. I’m so, so happy that I found a partner, and that he has been everything and more to me.
Last year on our first anniversary of marriage, I was on a hiatus from the blog, and kind of on a hiatus from life in general. But this year, I need to celebrate it. In fact, I had a completely different blog scheduled to go out today and I delayed it because this is more important.
There’s a trend on TikTok at the moment that says “please explain to me what you mean by marriage is hard,” and then people stitch together moments of their husbands leaving food on the counter, or leaving their dirty socks beside, not inside, the hamper.
All of those things are hard. But you know what’s REALLY hard? Having your first child die in the first year of your marriage. That is brutally hard. And you know the tough part? In the second year of marriage, your child is still dead. Hard.
But we’re still here.
I’ve seen a meme on Instagram before that says you can predict how badly a relationship is going by how much the couple writes mushy stuff about each other on social media. I consider myself exempt from that. My sweet husband had literally no idea I was going to write this. Hell, I didn’t know either until I couldn’t stop reflecting and decided to put my thoughts in a document at midnight last night. To be honest, he probably won’t love this post (way too many private feelings on the internet!), but it’s all true.
Marriage is hard. But it’s also the best thing ever.
We chose to get married at a resort in Mexico, and we knew we probably wouldn’t be the only couple with the same idea. The resort was like a well-oiled machine, they clearly hosted weddings there often. But when we arrived, we realized there was actually only one other couple getting married the same day/weekend as us, and coincidentally, the groom had the same name as my husband! We ran into them after each of our ceremonies, when we were both walking around the hotel with our respective photography teams taking pictures. We even made our photographers take a photo of the four of us together!
Three months after our wedding, we were on our belated honeymoon in Curacao when I got a text from the bride. Her husband was in a horrific accident, and he had died. She told me to “cherish every day.”
I won’t say I have been cherishing every day, some of them have been really, really shitty, but I have definitely been trying my best to cherish my relationship.
In classic wedding vows, you say, “in sickness and in health.” I never realized how much that would be necessary in our first few years of marriage, both in physical and mental health. I used to cringe when I heard brides say to their grooms in their vows that their husbands-to-be were their best friends. How strange, while surrounded by their real best friends up at the altar!
Now, I get it. Not only do I get it, I say it literally every day to my husband, “you’re my best friend in the whole wide world.” Like, probably 5 times a day. He is the only person who has been there every day, and there are many days when he is the only person I talk to.
He was not just there with me in the hospital, but he’s there with me at home. He has seen the many times I’ve been crying in the corner of the couch. He has talked to me on the phone during a panic attack. He has left the room because his presence was making me nervous while I was taking my blood pressure. Sometimes he leaves me alone, especially at my request. But sometimes, he knows I could use a distraction and he plans a staycation, or a vacation, or he just calls an Uber and takes me to Brookfield Place so I can walk around and get some physical activity without getting sweaty. He gets me, he accepts me, and he’s there for me.
Every relationship has trials and tribulations. I didn’t realize our first bout of them would arrive so quickly, but they did.
I don’t think anyone in the world would come to me for relationship advice. Mostly because I’m a hot mess and I don’t think anyone would come to me for any kind of advice. But if anyone ever asked me, I would say communication is key. This seems obvious, but especially in our relationship where we are so completely different in our personalities and communication styles, it’s important that we keep open lines of both talking and listening. We’ve done a lot of both over the past two years, and I hope it continues.
I know our next year will be even better. Not because I know we will have a living baby, that is very much out of our hands. But I know, because we love each other more every day. Happy anniversary my love (if you ever read this). I love you to the next galaxy and back.
I’ve taken up a lot of new hobbies recently, like eating pounds of gummy bears, making friendship bracelets, and re-watching Modern Family 90 times. But on top of those hobbies, I’ve also been keeping up with my hobby-turned-side-hustle: braiding hair! I first talked about braiding in July 2018, more than 5 years ago. When I look back at that post now and see the quality of my hairstyles, I cringe. But that is good, because it means I’ve been continuously improving.
When I first created an Instagram account just for hair, I followed 30 people. Now I have more than 4,000 followers myself! I haven’t talked about braiding on here since November 2021, when I braided 21 people for the NYC Marathon, but I’ve been quietly continuing my passion business, and I actually braided 20 people last year for the 2022 NYC Marathon. I’ve written before about how I randomly fell in with the running community, and it’s been so interesting to watch my business take off in ways I never predicted. I wasn’t sure if braids were just “having a moment,” but five years later, it seems like they are here to stay, at least for certain things.
Running braids have continued to be a big source of business for me, and I already have 11 clients booked for the NYC Marathon this upcoming November. But it’s not just running, people have found me for all sorts of reasons. So far this year I have had 32 separate clients, including 4 birthday parties, a 1:1 braiding lesson, hair for a family photoshoot, girls for school field days and before going to sleepaway camp, and of course a few people for the NYC Half Marathon. Somehow, despite having the most traumatic year of my life, my side business has been thriving. I’m not going to lie, the administration side of the business has been a challenge, since I mentioned that my cognitive functioning has been less than ideal. I accidentally double booked someone two weeks ago and had a minor freakout, but I tried to give myself grace and ultimately, I was able to reschedule everyone successfully.
You may be wondering why I decided to post now, during a random September week, about braiding again, and that’s because what happened three weeks ago was brand new: BURNER BRAIDS. If you haven’t heard of Burning Man before, you’re not alone. The event this year got more press than normal, so you may know about it now, but I knew very little until three weeks ago. It is an annual, week-long festival in the middle of the Black Rock Desert outside Reno, Nevada, where 35,000-70,000 people congregate and create their own temporary city. According to Wikipedia, where I got most of my information before talking to actual Burners (that’s what the participants are called), the event is guided by ten principles: radical inclusion, gifting, decommodification, radical self-reliance, radical self-expression, communal effort, civic responsibility, leaving no trace, participation, and immediacy.
You can either “open camp” or bring an RV. Once there, you mostly ride bikes around to other camps, and you aren’t allowed to have a car unless it’s a piece of art. You also cannot transfer any money, so everything is gifted between people. Each camp has their own unique gift, whether it is experiences, like a “human car wash,” or food, or a sangria bar. Everything you might need is provided by others. The desert area where people congregate is called “the playa” and people often say, “the playa will provide,” but what they really mean is, other Burners will help you out.
So, what does any of this have to do with braids? Well, first of all, the event is in the desert and showers are hard to come by. People who choose to come in RVs may have them, but it’s still complicated because you can’t dump used water in the desert and you aren’t allowed to leave a trace, so this makes hair-washing complicated. More importantly than the lack of showers, there is an abundance of sand. Specifically, the sand in Black Rock is not actually sand, it’s the alkaline remnants of an old lakebed. This means it sticks to everything including skin and hair. Burners are advised to bring vinegar to spray on themselves because it’s the only way to get it off. Between the wind and alkaline residue, long hair gets matted and often need to be cut before being detangled upon “reintegration” into the “default world.” Most Burners try to avoid this, therefore, braids. There are many threads on reddit dedicated to “long hair ideas” for Burning Man and almost all of them suggest braids.
Friends who braid together, stay together!Added some silver ribbon in there for pizzazzIs it hair or is it a confetti canon?Unicorn Mermaid Report to the Playa!
Between 2019 and 2022, I braided about two people per year for festivals, but this year it seems I went viral! I ended up braiding 13 people for Burning Man, and that was on top of my “real” full-time job! I was exhausted. In fact, I started turning people away a few weeks before because I knew I couldn’t handle any more. People often ask me if my hands hurt from braiding, but it’s not my hands, it’s my back! First of all, being on my feet is taxing. While I usually believe in a no-shoe apartment, I make an exception for braiding. When I’m leaning left to right, left to right, left to right, trying to get those stitches JUST RIGHT, it creates a lot of torque on my back, and shoes with good support help slightly. Laying on the floor also helps. Some days during the last month, I laid on the carpet before clients, and then again after.
Here’s me, laying on the floor pre-client.
I took so many amazing photos and videos of people’s hairstyles, and at first, I was trying to hold back from posting content on Instagram because I wanted to wait for photos from the actual event. But I couldn’t resist and I ended up posting three styles (here’s one!) that couldn’t wait. Also, I wasn’t sure if waiting made sense, since I couldn’t be sure if there would be any photos from my clients. The alkaline sand is not only bad for hair, but also bad for phones and cameras, and since there isn’t any cell phone service in the desert anyway, not all people choose to take pictures. However, sometimes people put together amazing outfits, and I wanted to see the hair together with the whole look!
The final weekend of Burning Man, as I was waiting not-so-patiently for my clients to come back, I was braiding two girls for Electric Zoo, another festival in New York, and they told me there was tragedy at Burning Man, with monsoon storms completely saturating the entire camp, and stranding tens of thousands of people in the desert due to road flooding. My first thought was, I hope they have enough food and water! My second thought was, I hope the braids hold up! As more news and videos came out, I was even more nervous. I heard they were told to conserve food and water, and that they did not know when people would be able to leave.
I waited and hoped, and posted on my Instagram stories to see if people were ok. About one week after, I sent direct messages to everyone to see if they were ok, and I was relieved to find that most said the news was far worse than the real situation. Everyone said that while it was extremely muddy, they all helped each other out and got home safely. I heard from a few people that they were extremely glad to have braids because once they were told to conserve water, hair washing was out of the question! Remember when I told you that I had a double-booking issue? My favorite story of the week was that two friends who came to my house to have their hair done, met another girl who was here at the same time because I was running a bit behind. They were talking together for a while, and they ended up meeting up in the desert despite not having any cell service! They took photos together and they looked so happy and awesome with their braids. It warmed my heart!
They found each other!Look closely for some amazing cornrows backlit by artAmazing hair, amazing outfits.Peaceful on the playaPre-mud fun
I can’t finish my blog without mentioning the necessary tie-in to last week’s post on small talk. In addition to hurting my back, the other thing that usually exhausts me from braiding is the constant chit-chat. I have an incredible amount of respect for full-time stylists who need to talk all day, it’s tiring! Add that to the fact that I no longer exceed in small-talk, and it’s especially grueling. One of the reasons I learned so much about Burning Man this year is because I employed my favorite tactic from last week’s blog: asking many questions so as not to have the conversation fall back to the topic of me. Braiding hair now carries an additional complication, especially when I am braiding for birthday parties, because the topic of children and how good I am with them tends to come up. When I did a family’s hair for their annual photos, it came up. I am always doing mental calculus about what to share and how to skirt the topic of family, but when I’m braiding in my apartment that I share with my husband, family inevitably comes up sometimes. I remember braiding clients in January with my ultrasound photos on the fridge in the back of my time lapse videos! This past month, thankfully I was only asked once about kids when we were talking about our relationships. I am never sure whether to be fully honest, but in this case, it was just the two of us, and I acknowledged that I had a daughter, but that she died. I kept it moving and immediately asked another question about how long she had been in her relationship. The moment passed, and I felt relieved and happy that I didn’t lie. It’s complicated because I want to be honest, but I try not to kill the mood. It’s not a secret that I lost a daughter and it’s pretty visible if you follow me on Instagram or watch my stories, so I try to strike a balance. I hope that with more time, I find it easier to talk about her in casual conversation.
Braiding for festivals this year was a blast and an exciting change of pace. When I braid for a race, I’m on a tight schedule with so many clients that I can’t try anything new. For the festivals, I have a chance to be creative and I try new styles I have never done. Each client came with their own inspiration, and I was able to bring the styles to life. I loved the freedom and creativity that went along with working with colored extensions and having more flexible time. I am not sure how many more clients I’ll be able to take for the rest of the year besides for the NYC Marathon, since I am traveling almost every week this season, but I’ll keep you posted. If you don’t already follow my hair account on Instagram, check me out @BraidInManhattan or look at my website, I even made a new section for Festival Hair!
More friends with braids (and buns!)This took… a while. 13 braids and a mohawk!Birthday braids, but could have been festival!Another view of the mermaid hairThese lasted 15 days!Viking style for a Norwegian queenSpace Buns are always a hit.Why have 2 braids when you can have a bonus in the middle?
Last week I talked about social media and how I have been taking a break to get away from the “highlight reel,” which constantly makes me feel like my life is filled with lowlights. This week, I wanted to switch it up and show you some of my own highlights.
I want to be clear that I’m not doing this to show you that I’m ok. I’m not. I also don’t want to give the impression that in these moments, I forgot about my daughter. I didn’t. But emotions are complicated and layered, and they don’t fit into an easy box. So many different things can exist at the same time: happiness and sadness, joy and anxiety, laughter and fear. That said, here are a few times I felt better than other times over the past 5 months. And for my parents, I included photos as #proofoflife. Sometimes I smile, and some of those times (not all times), it’s actually genuine!
(Friends, family, if I have seen you in the past few months and you are not included in this post, please realize that it has nothing to do with you. It’s not easy to get out of my head and feel happy, so if my time with you is not on this list, I was probably having a bad day. There are more of those than good days. Sometimes I appreciate company on bad days even more than on good days.)
Speaking of highlights, my first positive thing that happened was getting my hair colored. For some reason, whenever I am going through some sh*t, I have this feral need to change my hair. I remember after my first horrible breakup I dyed my hair DARK to reflect my mood. This time, I was hoping for a fresh start, so I went super light blonde for spring. I’m including a photo here but don’t judge my ghastly dark circle eyes appearance, this was 3 days after leaving the hospital. You can see the full color transformation video from my stylist’s Instagram. #NewHairNewMe
I was looking forward to maternity leave and bonding with my baby. I was not looking forward to weeks on the couch recovering from a long hospital stay with no living baby to show for it. Two highlights from my recovery: gummy bears & a Friends coloring book. In those early days, I received cards and flowers and succulents, and ubereats gift cards, and all of them were appreciated. But I wasn’t really thinking about food in terms of meals. I was thinking more in terms of what I mindlessly put in my mouth while sitting on the couch barely comprehending Modern Family. I ate literally 10 pounds of gummy bears those first two months. Five pounds of those were sent from my friend who also sent comfy PJs. I lived in those pajamas for days on end while I consumed pure sugar. I wasn’t allowed to work out, and there’s only so much staring at the wall you can do, but I loved my Friends coloring book. It was mindless but it kept my hands busy instead of scrolling social media. Flipping through the coloring book and remembering all of the scenes where I had laughed out loud reminded me of some of the things I loved and found funny “before.”
Six weeks after losing our daughter, Chris planned a surprise staycation for us. We stayed at the Beekman hotel downtown and it was the perfect low-stakes way to have our first night out of our apartment together. We took a quick Uber ride downtown and it was as if we were transported to a different time. I didn’t have to sit at the same table where I was sitting when my doctor told me to come into the hospital. I didn’t have to stare at the empty spot in our living room where the baby swing had been set up. I didn’t have to look at my empty fridge door that used to be filled with ultrasound photos. I just got to sleep in a luxurious king size bed with the man I loved, eat delicious food, and be together. We came home from dinner (one elevator ride away) and put on the thick, plush hotel robes and watched Marvelous Mrs. Maisel. It felt so nice to get out of our apartment and have a change of scenery.
Highlights… literally!How gorgeous is the interior of this hotel??Luxuriating at the BeekmanJoey FTW
My first major outing after I came home from the hospital was to a Heat playoff game. I’m extremely lucky that one of my closest friends has amazing work perks, and one of those is VERY good seats to events. Since we are both big Miami Heat fans, and they happened to be playing in New York against the Knicks, she got amazing tickets. As I mentioned last week, it wasn’t without its anxiety and pre-outing worries (do I even bother putting on makeup when I’ve only cried once today so far?) but overall, I had a blast. I was able to have a few hours where I could focus on the game and remember what it was like to be out with a friend having fun. We went out for a drink after, and I made it through many hours in a row with company and no tears. I knew I was hitting my maximum of breakdown-free social interaction, so I left before dinner, but it was fun to dress up and leave the house again.
Somehow, throughout these past few months I have been #BookedAndBusy with my braiding side hustle. I am honestly extremely impressed with myself that I have been able to manage any of the jobs I took. The administration of back-and-forth emails, communication of rates, deposits, and then showing up on a specific date and time to carry out a task? Herculean. But I did it. Time and time again. I have had more than 20 clients and events this year. Every time I finish a job, I feel not only a sense of accomplishment, but I am so proud of myself for doing something I used to do with ease “before.” There is nothing like the look in a young girl’s eyes when she sees her hair in ribbon braids for the first time. Again, this hasn’t been without hiccups. Braiding adults and children ALWAYS leads to questions about whether or not I have kids and comments about how good I am with kids. I usually have to do serious mental pre-work before any kid’s party. I braided a mother and daughter for a family photoshoot just 6 weeks after I left the hospital. The topic of kids came up when I was braiding the mom and I was prepared. I said, “we just recently went through a traumatic loss but hopefully someday.” It was a succinct way to tell the truth, and it cut off any follow-up questions. Unfortunately, later when the dad came home with the daughter, he hadn’t heard that conversation and he also asked, talking about how great I was with kids. When I left that client, I was extra proud of myself for being honest, for holding it together, and for being professional. I felt like it was a highlight because it was the first time I told the truth and I felt good about it.
Last week I mentioned how fraught our Jamaica vacation was, but I didn’t mention the main highlight: our anniversary. Chris has been a rock for me these past few months, but as some books say, a grieving person is a selfish person by necessity. I haven’t had the capacity to look after anyone but myself for many months. I really wanted to do something special for Chris for our anniversary, but I knew I didn’t have it in me to order, buy, and hide a unique gift. I didn’t even pack for our trip until 10 hours before. But somehow, I had the idea to email the hotel and have them orchestrate an anniversary surprise. With a few emails back and forth, I paid for them to have champagne and a bubble bath in our room when we arrived. They went above and beyond, with chocolate dipped fruit and rose petals everywhere. It was a big highlight for me before I finally felt like I had done something for someone else, and I wanted to make sure Chris knew how much I appreciated him.
The next week was my birthday. I won’t say my birthday itself was a highlight, I was a mess and I cried that morning after I went to the gym. But my parents decided to come into the city to visit that day, and Mother Nature showed off. My birthday can be extremely hot, but this year it was sunny and bearable! My sister hosted a Memorial Day BBQ, so my parents and husband and I walked up to my sister’s place along the Hudson River. It was so nice to show my parents my usual walking route, to be outside, and to have a brief distraction from the fact that I wasn’t 38 weeks pregnant. I always feel proud and happy when I can show people the little things I like about New York (hint: it’s not the crowds or the traffic).
Some of the MANY braids I’ve done this year.Happy 1st Anniversary to us!Oolala <3Pre-walk birthday gathering with my family
Chris and I love to celebrate our many anniversaries. Ok, maybe only I love to celebrate them. For our wedding anniversary we were in Jamaica, but for our meetiversary Chris scheduled another surprise trip. This was his belated birthday present to me, and we went to Chicago for the weekend. The timing was perfect because it was also Father’s Day weekend, which we were happy to have a distraction from. The entire weekend was a highlight. We stayed in beautiful hotels, we ate AMAZING food, and again, the weather was absolutely perfect. We got to do our favorite activity together, Segways! Since we had done them a few times before, we wanted a unique experience, so we did a night tour and got to see fireworks. It was a blast (literally).
Slowly but surely, I’ve been getting myself back into the world. I’ve been trying to socialize in safe spaces, which is often with family. Many highlights have been just going on walks with my sister. Doing nails. Talking about normal things without having to act. Two weeks ago, I went to my great aunt’s 90th birthday party. It was so nice to see family. It was not without a breakdown in the middle of the luncheon (why did I bother wearing makeup!?) but overall, I was so happy to see family I hadn’t seen since before Covid. This past weekend, I went to Texas to visit my nephews and in-laws. It was so refreshing to spend a weekend with family having fun. Sitting in my apartment makes my mind wander, and it is usually not to bright places. In Texas, my brother-in-law, a two-time-purple-heart Army vet, took me to the shooting range because he said I needed to “let off some steam.” Concentrating on a target and learning a new skill left no room in my head for other thoughts. What a rush. I came home feeling lighter than I have in months. Being with family, going bowling, getting blizzards at Dairy Queen, I felt like I did last year.
Writing these blogs has been interesting for me, because I have had a chance to reflect on both the good and the bad. There have been both, and sometimes at the same time. I’ve been writing a lot, and I already know that the blog I will publish next week is a doozy of reality, and it’s not uplifting. But between those moments, there have been good ones. Sometimes I have to look harder for them now, but they’re there. Here’s hoping for many more bright spots and highlights in the future.
Can you guess where we are?Architecture Boat TourNighttime Segways!Happy 90th Birthday!Fabulous in her sash and tiaraBowling and CuddlingLearning my new skillbam bam bam
Today I am continuing my series of “frequently asked questions.” My personal FAQ section is right here in this blog so I’m dedicating today’s blog to another one of the questions people ask me most frequently, “should I microblade my eyebrows?” If you missed the first in this series, “should I get laser hair removal?” go check that out now.
I am not going to make you read through this whole post before finding out who I went to for my amazing brows. Her name is Purdie Baumann @purdiebrows and she is the absolute GOAT. Not only is she the best at her craft, she’s also an ex-Rockette. As in, Radio City. How cool is that??
Purdie and Me!
I know you have a million questions, and I’m constantly recommending her, so let’s get down to the obvious question first:
“Should I get my eyebrows microbladed?”
Answer: Yes. Moving on.I’m kidding, of course I will tell you more. I have a long-standing hatred of my eyebrows. When I was VERY young, like 11 years old, I told my mom that I hated my eyebrows more than anything else on my body. I remember her saying that was dumb, because you could easily wax and shape them, and for the next 3.5 years I had an eyebrow sponsor: my mom. My mom had electrolysis as a teenager, so she understood the concept of unwanted hair and she was happy to pay this small amount to help me like my face more. Once I made my own babysitting money, I started paying for my own eyebrow waxes.There was a terrible moment around age 15 when I didn’t want to pay for the biweekly appointments and I had a genius idea to use the self-waxing strips from Walgreens instead. (Narrator: it was not genius). Long story short, I put one of them at the wrong angle and took off the tail end of one of my eyebrows. Ok, truth be told it was far more than the tail end. I was completely missing an eyebrow. My friends called me Mr. Clean. I had to wear eyebrow pencil for 2 months. As you may remember from previous blogs, I sweat a lot, so living in South Florida, the liner would start to drip. Mortifying. Before you ask, no, I do not have any throwback photos of this time. Thank God it was before smart phones and digital cameras.Fast forward to my 20’s in New York. Thank God waxing is extremely cheap. I always say there are 4 cheap things you can get in New York City: manicures, hotdogs, dollar slices, and eyebrow waxing/threading.This brings me to my next eyebrow discovery in approximately 2012: threading. I LOVED threading. I didn’t care as much anymore about the amount of eyebrow hair I had, but the shape. I really wanted a natural arch, but I didn’t have one. Threading could give me a more natural look, and it was less painful than waxing. Also, it was CHEAP! Like $7.The main problem with threading was that it was all about taking hair away to create a shape. Unfortunately, they were not able to add hair to make it look how I wanted. As I mentioned before, I didn’t have an arch and I wanted one! So I started to think about microblading. A few years later I finally took the plunge and I am SO happy I did!
“Does microblading hurt?”
No. Well, it didn’t hurt for me, but that’s because Purdie put a numbing gel on. If anything, it felt like little scratches on my face. The main uncomfortable part was a few days later when it was scabbed and kind of itchy, but I knew I was not supposed to scratch it. I was given a super moisturizing gel, kind of like Vaseline, to put on twice a day. This minimized the itching, and contrary to the warning I received from a friend who had it done somewhere else, it did not make my face look like a glazed donut! I should warn you, my same friend said it hurt a LOT when she got hers done. Maybe her person didn’t use a numbing cream. Make sure you ask about this in a consultation and read reviews!
“Will it look fake?”
This is a great question and the best answer I have is: it depends. Not if you go to Purdie! There are a few different kinds of microblading. Some are more of a shading (like if you were to fill in/color in your eyebrows), and personally I find those to look fake. It’s more of a solid tattoo. There is also the single brush stroke method, which is what I did, and I think it looks extremely natural. I actually get compliments on my brows all the time and people think they are natural! Be very careful to go to an artist whose work you like. The best way to know what your eyebrows will look like, is to look at previous work. This leads me to the next most popular question…It looked way intense after session #1 but it faded and looked more and more natural over time.
“How do I find the right person?”
Instagram. I know that sounds crazy but as with any type of art (tattoos, hair color, painting, sculpture), you want to see the work before you commit to buying. This is especially true when the “art” you are buying is going to live on your face forever! I highly recommend looking at a person’s portfolio before booking an appointment. The easiest way to see this is on Instagram. Look at hundreds of before and afters. Find people with similar skin coloring and brow shape to you to see what the end result can be.Once you have the person you trust to do amazing work, the rest is easy because you can defer to their opinion. For example, when I went in, Purdie showed me a range of colors and asked what I wanted. I thought I wanted a very dark brown. She said she thought a medium and ash light color would look more natural. I told her that from the photos I saw, I trust her expertise and sure enough, she was right. The color does fade over time, so in my touch-up, we went a bit darker. I am so thrilled with how they came out and I know if I had gone with my original color choice, they would have been too dark for my coloring and would have looked fake, or like I was wearing makeup all the time. I love how my brows now almost look like I’m wearing natural brow makeup, but don’t look like I am wearing brow makeup and nothing else, if I have a fresh face.
“How much does it cost?”
Again, this depends. Every artist will create their own pricing structure, and it depends both on availability, demand, and market. New York is far more expensive than most places, but you can also find the best people! Personally, I paid $600 for a first appointment, and $200 for the touchup. I also tipped (of course). This was more than a year ago, so she may have adjusted her pricing. I know in New York, artists generally begin at $800-$1000. I went to Purdie’s studio in Jersey City, NJ and it was slightly cheaper, and honestly I would have gone to a much further state to get her skill level! #worthitWarning. There are Groupons out there. I mentioned raving about a Groupon for laser hair removal, for this, I’d warn against it. You want someone to take their time, you want them to be so good that they have a waiting list. If you are going to use a Groupon, PLEASE make sure you know someone personally who has had their brows done by that artist/salon! Remember this is permanent and on your face! Not the time to use a discount code.
“Don’t you have to get touch-ups all the time?”
This is a tough question for me to answer because it’s only been one year since I had my first appointment! Usually, you have an initial appointment and then a touch-up 2 months later. I had my first appointment in early October 2021, and my touch-up in early December 2021. I can tell that the ink has faded a bit when I look closely at my face, but you wouldn’t notice unless you looked with a magnifying mirror, or very very close-up. I prefer how they look now, extremely natural, although I may want a touch-up
at some point in the future.I could not be happier with my decision! One note of warning, be careful not to get “trendy” eyebrows. Remember they will be there forever! If you love the SUPER bushy look of eyebrows right now, get normal ones microbladed and just fill them in with pencil temporarily. You’ll thank me in 2 years when the trends change again!Look how spotty they were before!These photos are all after session #1. We did a few more fill-in brush strokes on the touch up 2 months later.At this point I barely remember my eyebrows the way they were before. What a drastic improvement!The side by side is mind-blowing. Look at that arch!
How are y’all doing? Depressed? Hopeless? In a constant state of “fuck my life?” Same, girl. But don’t worry, I have two solutions for you. They both involve your computer and a lot of money: online shopping, and booking that TRIP, baby!!!
Personally, I have found myself in a state of depression similar to where I was in April/May 2020. I’m talking peak Covid. Of course, I’m kidding, Covid has peaked multiple times higher since then, but y’all remember the feeling. Back in mid-2020, I found myself a fantastic coping mechanism. Why go to therapy when you can online shop?
You may remember the days in mid-2020. We were locked in our homes or we were staying with parents/relatives because we fled our own homes. We discovered TikTok and Tiger King. We were watching celebrities sing Beatles songs thinking that would fix the global pandemic. We were ruled by a crazy man who didn’t believe in science. It was a difficult time to be alive. Back then, I discovered many new hobbies that all involved spending money. I subscribed to FabFitFun. I bought 140 colors of nail dip powder. I bought a blow-up pool for the backyard. I was “thriving.”
Well, fast-forward two years and here we are again! If you are a woman, you wake up every day with less rights. If you are a person of color, you wake up every day with a twitter notification that the people who are employed to “protect and serve” have shot someone who looks like you 60 times in the back. If you don’t believe that Jesus is your savior, your religious “freedoms” are at risk constantly. Oh, and also, if you go to anywhere, to school, to the movies, to a parade, to the grocery store etc., you may get shot.
BUT DO NOT FRET. Online shopping is there to save you. Scared to go to the movie theater?? Just boot up that computer and type in jcrew.com. Scared you may never come home from the grocery store? Become a Maxxinista right from your couch. Afraid of having an ectopic pregnancy and then dying as a result of it? No worries, Farm Rio is having a sale!!
Last weekend, I was in peak depression, but then I remembered that I was going on a honeymoon in August. I needed new items!! “Needed.” I have no shorts that I love. So, I went to fashionnova.com. The serotonin boost was IMMEDIATE. But then I needed shirts and comfortable dresses so I hit up TJ Maxx online. And how can I forget adorable walkable sandals? DSW to the rescue. I am not sure if you think I’m kidding but I am not. I also may have finally pulled the trigger (pun intended) on two swimsuits from Summersalt that I have been coveting for years. THERE WAS A SALE.
Why do I love online shopping? I think it’s three things: predictability, excitement, and having something to look forward to. The predictability is great. I know there will be so many things to choose from, and they are right at my fingertips! Also, if you buy enough things, one or two of them are bound to fit. I also love the excitement of knowing I have packages coming. I open my USPS Informed Delivery email every morning, excited that the packages that are on the way are more than just toilet paper and dishwasher pods. It gives me something to wake up for in the morning! The real key is that you want predictability AND unpredictability. Surprise! I ordered so many things that I FORGOT one and I got an EXTRA package! Oh yes! The Tommy Bahama beach chairs with insulated pocket that fits 2 wine bottles! What a rush.
In case you have exhausted this form of serotonin rush, or your closet is completely packed to the gills, do not worry, I have another solution: BOOK A VACATION.
This seems self-explanatory but let me explain anyway. We wake up every day with the fear of death. This is literally what Drake was talking about when he coined the term YOLO. Book the trip, y’all. See new places. Visit new countries. Drink unlimited pina coladas on the beach. Go to a cabin with friends in the fall and spend every night drinking wine in the hot tub or around a fire pit. Use your vacation days. Or don’t! Work remotely and book that trip anyway.
I am trying to have something to look forward to every month. So far I’ve got a beach trip this week with my mom and sister. Then August I have a wedding in Boston and a honeymoon. Then September I have nothing but that’s just gearing up for October, when I will spend half the month in Australia. Then November, I have a work trip and I am trying to plan a Northeast cabin trip with friends. Then of course Thanksgiving when I’ll go see my parents and HOPEFULLY have the Macy’s Parade to look forward to. December of course will be Christmas with Chris’s family. It’s looking like a busy and fun rest of 2022!
I recommend planning constant vacations to give you a sense of predictability and something to look forward to. Extra bonus, you may need to do some online shopping for vacation-worthy outfits!
Is it just me, or does every year now feel like a decade? I sat down to try and begin a blog about 2021 and I got so overwhelmed I put it off for 2 weeks. I don’t want to bore you with all of the ups and downs – after all, we kind of went through them together. Remember allll the way back at the beginning of 2021 when the vaccines (that’s right, more than one! We had options!) were proved effective and safe? And we thought “wow, this pandemic is going to end! FINALLY!” And then fast-forward to a “decade” later, at the end of 2021, when we had yet another variant and went back to checking positivity percentages every day. Yea, that part kind of sucked. But the good part about living a decade within a single year is, we had some pockets of time that were great!
I usually do a year recap in the form of a bullet journal goals check in. Bad news, I kind of gave up on my bullet journal in June. Oops. Good news, the reason I gave up on it was because I was doing too many fun things and couldn’t keep up! More bad news, I started another bullet journal because I guess I’m a masochist.
Anyway, I was able to achieve a lot of my 2021 bullet journal goals, despite the fact that we lived on the cusp of anxiety attack every day of the year.
Health
Mental health? Precarious. Physical health: not too shabby!
I was able to complete 260 Peloton cycling classes, which was 60 more than my goal. Also, I completed 100 strength classes and 100 stretching classes on Peloton. Not to mention, I joined Orangetheory and I got 10,000 steps/day all but 9 days of the entire year. Remember those mental health walks from 2020? I’m still going on them. I walked a total of 4,986,793 steps.
Also, I achieved my goal of only ordering in food once or twice a week. I know that may seem easy, but in New York, not so much.
Here’s what I didn’t achieve:
Going to a dermatologist. I tried, but when I got there I discovered they didn’t take my insurance despite their assurances on the phone. Then I gave up because I was pissed.
Drinking water every day before coffee. We have limited joys now, coffee is one of them. I threw this goal down the drain in February.
Work
Honestly, I didn’t write down any work goals. And work has been… CRAZY. My main goals were to get through every week without screaming at any coworkers or shooting myself. I sort of succeeded.
Social Media
Well guys, I failed you again. Every year I try to publish 2 blogs/month and every year I fail. I posted 13 all year. I am going to try and do better! I also failed at getting 5,000 followers on my braiding Instagram, despite going viral for the NYC Marathon. I have been hovering JUST under 4,000 for 3 years now. *shrug*. This next year I’m focusing more on TikTok, but more on that in my next post.
Finance
Crazily, this is the main place where I achieved all of my goals. Despite my major return to international travel, I was able to max out my Roth IRA, reach my goal in my 403B, AND get to a net worth of 60K! This is huge considering the amount of student debt I am still carrying around. Not having to pay any student loans for the entire year definitely helped my finances.
Relationship
I’m still in one, so yay! He tells me he loves me every day, even after I yell at him 900 times for leaving his dishes in the sink. We didn’t go on one date/excursion per month, but Covid made that difficult at times. We almost made it, though! We did some at-home baking with a zoom class, we traveled to Aruba and France together, and best yet, we set a wedding date!! It’s soon. Yikes. Maybe I’ll write more about this, maybe I won’t. So far, I’m the worst future bride I’ve ever met.
Other
These miscellaneous goals were hit or miss. I DID see 3 Broadway shows. Impressive, considering Broadway wasn’t even open all year. I didn’t achieve 3 things on my NYC Bucket List. In fact, I didn’t even complete one of them. I tried to see the Nutcracker but the show was cancelled two days before because of Omicron. I did travel to three new countries (four if you count Monaco). I tried to call a friend once a month, but I really hate talking on the phone. I braided clients for a musical festival, a wedding, Halloween, and two races. Not too shabby considering I spent most of the year avoiding strangers’ faces.
2021 was a wild ride. It felt like 60% of the time, my butt was melded with my couch, and 40% of the time I was out of the country. We moved apartments, we went snorkeling and ATV-ing, Chris ordered from Amazon 100 million times, I did my nails 55 times, and collectively we got 6 new credit cards. 2022 is guaranteed to be a crazy year, too. We already have 4 weddings in the next 5 months, and we are hoping to start trying to have a baby (what?!?). Next week I’ll let you know what my 2022 goals are. Do you have any suggestions?
