Fitness

My First Half Marathon, in stream of consciousness

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This morning I ran 13.1 miles for the very first time. Have you ever done this? Are you considering it? If you are, then stop considering it right now because I did it for you, and I’ll tell you exactly what it was like in real, stream-of-consciousness thoughts:

  • 6:30 am: **alarm** Ok. I’m awake. Step one done. Now I can do this race. Ok, no I can’t. But at least I didn’t press snooze. I’m doing better than a work day.
  • 7:10 am: Eggs made, outfit on. I may actually be on time. But I have to do my hair and it must be perfect or I will break my leg running or faint or something.
  • 7:20 am: OMG how did I just do my hair well in ten minutes on the first try? This is a good omen. I’m not going to die. Should I put my house key in my zipper pocket? Or should I tie it on my left shoe like usual? My shoe might annoy me. My pocket though, that’s not good for my OCD. Ok I need to just decide or I’m going to be late. When did I get this superstitious?
  • 7:50 am: Start line. I think I’m going to poop my pants. UGH I hate Porta Potties. Must. Not. Poop. Pants. Where are all the cute guys? Oh yeah, it’s a women’s only race. Are there really 9,399 other females here? Are we all crazy? This is why guys don’t date us. Because almost 10,000 of us wake up before dawn on a Sunday to run around a park multiple times.
  • Mile 1: Why are there so many people? Hopefully it thins out soon. Wait, why is every single person passing me? Oh yeah, because I’m in way too fast of a corral. How demoralizing. Blame my ankle sprain. Only 12.1 to go.
  • Mile 3: This isn’t too bad. But where’s the water station? I shouldn’t have passed up that first one. I knew I would regret that. Damnit damnit damnit. It’s ok. I’m ok. SHIT. 10.1 more miles?? That’s more than 10!! It’s ok. I’m ok I’m cursing a lot for mile 3. 10.1 to go…
  • Mile 4: Harlem Hill. FML. I think I can, I think I can. *Sees spectator with sign “Top of the Hill”* OMG I think the messiah has officially come. **sees sign for mile marker 10** OMFG I have to do this hill AGAIN? After 6 more miles? FRACK.
  • Mile 7: Ok I am absolutely killin it. I ran the whole first lap without walking (except for water breaks). How am I still with the 1:55 pacer? I’m running way too fast. Then again, my brother said to just go with it if I find myself going faster than expected. Also, there are approximately 4,000 females ahead of me. Ok, I’m not going too fast after all.
  • Mile 8: Where the hell are my friends and my boyfriend? I swear if they said they were going to cheer me on and they don’t show up, I’ll be PISSED. OOOH. That was good. Keep that anger. Anger = Speed. Be mad. Be very very mad.
  • Mile 9: I’m done. Ok. Well, that was fun. You think I can just wave my race number like a surrender flag? Oh crap, that girl just fainted. “Um, NYRR volunteer? Yes, um, that girl over there? She just fainted.” I haven’t fainted yet so I’m still ok. I can do this. Don’t faint. Don’t faint.
  • Mile 10: Harlem Hill AGAIN? You’ve got to be kidding me. I was hoping the park topography would change in the hour since I was here last time. No such luck.
  • Mile 11: OMG RUN CLUB!!! LULU RUN CRU!! Pretend not to look dead. Look strong. Pretend you are not dying a slow, painful death from the feet upward. REMEMBER INSTAGRAM *blow kisses* *smiles* *waves to friends*
  • Mile 12: YESSS FRIENDS AND BOYFRIEND!!! AND A SIGN JUST FOR ME!! I CAN DO THIS!!
  • Mile 13: WHYYYYYY is there a .1? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHO MADE THIS RACE 13 POINT ONE?!
  • Finish: Did I die? *takes selfie* Omg I didn’t die. Must. Ice. Ankle. But first, I will jump very high in the air multiple times for Instagram because this is never happening again. Probably. Maybe…

Post-Race thoughts:

  • I’m going to eat ALL OF THE FOOD today.
  • Thank god my shower has handicapped railings in it.
  • I’m so glad my boyfriend came to support me because it would have really sucked to have to break up with him.
  • People who run full marathons must take crazy pills.

So yeah, I don’t necessarily recommend it. But I did get a medal. And a great excuse to eat carbs for 7 days (carb-loading goes on for a week, right?). Please feel free to tell me how incredibly proud of me you are in the comments.

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Fitness

Half Marathon Training

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I’m training for a half marathon. I’m actually going to run 13.1 miles. In 6 days. How, you ask? GOOD QUESTION.

I never considered myself a runner. More often, I’m a professional running spectator (see above, also, more on my FAMOUS signs later). In fact, I have said “I’m not a runner” more times than I can count. True tidbit: as soon as I decided to run this race, I spent more time on amazon.com looking for a tank top that said “I Hate Running” than I spent actually ever training for this race.

However, that is not to say I have never run before. I have been teaching fitness classes for 11 years and I go to a weekly free run club with lululemon. (More on my love for luxtreme another time). More than 13 miles, though? That’s for crazy people. And now, I guess, for me. A few weeks ago, I went on a 12.5 mile run (I know… psychotic). At mile 9, an ambulance from Central Park Medical Unit drove right by me, and I swear they slowed down just a bit when they saw me trudging along. Just in case. Unfortunately, I sprained my ankle last weekend, which will no doubt slow me down even more. Luckily, I have my trusty CPMU friends from that last run. Good news is, now they already know me 😉

You know how some people have crazy superstitious rituals before sports games to make sure they win? Well I have those crazy rituals before my training runs. You know, to make sure I survive. And no, I don’t just mean that I double check that my headphones work.

Here is a list of things I do before my runs in order of least crazy to most crazy:

  • Double tie my shoes.
  • Fill a water bottle. Plastic. Must not be the first time using it. I know, I know, bad idea, blahblah, but it’s a compulsion!!
  • Eat 2 eggs. Scrambled. Salt, pepper, nothing else.
  • Sit on my @$$ for at least 2 hours. If I accidentally go for a walk, I must start my sitting ritual again. (I can’t go for a run on not-fresh legs, DUH!)
  • Make sure my house key is on my left shoe, in between the first knot and the bow. ALWAYS.
  • Braid my hair. No I do not mean REGULAR, run-of-the-mill braid. It must be fun-looking. Also, it must ALWAYS be different. I have taken to watching youtube tutorials about braiding specifically for this purpose. Dutch Braid Headband? PIECE OF CAKE. Waterfall braid? CHECK. Ladder braid? Still a work in progress. I am not kidding about this, though. I have even taken to hashtagging my snapchats #GoodBraidGoodRun, as a super fun, lighthearted way of saying “I have an OCD problem related to my running rituals.”

Why am I sharing these tidbits with you? Do I recommend them for people trying to train for a half marathon? No. Definitely not. Do as I say, not as I do. Or something like that.

I guess this is just as an FYI so you feel a little less crazy when you do crazy things. Plus, there are people even crazier than me out there. Like people who run actual full marathons. WHY?

And yet, every first Sunday of November, every year, I am out on the NYC Marathon course cheering on the runners. I was even featured once in Buzzfeed for my amazing signage (#30). So please, cheer me on! CENTRAL PARK, THIS WEEKEND, SUNDAY April 30th. It’ll give me someone to show off my fancy braid skills to, besides my Instagram. (Have you added me yet?) WISH ME LUCK IN THE COMMENTS, and I’ll see you on the course!!

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Big City Living

Tips For NYC Living

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Living in New York for almost 7 years, I would not consider myself a native or an expert at all (I still have NO IDEA where the J train even goes… does anyone take that train?). However, I have picked up some very useful tidbits along the way. You can use them if you live in NYC, or you can use them if you’re visiting and you don’t want to be automatically targeted as a tourist by a panhandler.

  • BEWARE THE EMPTY SUBWAY CAR. This is not a drill. As with everything in this city, if it seems too good to be true, it probably is. I once didn’t see anyone in a car and when I got in, I realized I was in the apartment of a man. I swear I think he had a full kitchen with a Bunsen burner in there. TBH, I was a little jealous of his low/nonexistent rent payments. Main problem, of course, is that he didn’t have a shower. You get it.
    • Sidenote: Even if the subway car IS 100% empty, you’ll probably just spend the whole ride waiting for the anyone else to get on, and wondering if you’ll be the next person “ripped from the headlines” for Law and Order SVU. Rule of thumb: just avoid the empty cars.
  • BEWARE THE FULL SUBWAY CAR. Especially in the summer. I know I sound like a hypocrite here, but is a happy medium too much to ask for? Trust me, loose hair, sweaty bodies, arms in the air… It’s all just a bad combination. If the next train is coming in 3 minutes, do yourself a favor and wait.
  • If you see a young person standing in the middle of the sidewalk in a pinnie holding an Ipad, CROSS THE STREET. I don’t care if it’s for the ASPCA, and they asked you if have “30 seconds for the animals” and if you LOVE animals. It never takes 30 seconds. NEVER. You’ll probably end up $10 poorer with 5 emails/week from change.org. Just put in those earbuds, and avoid eye contact.
  • Speaking of earbuds, never leave home without them. There’s nothing that calls out “TOURIST” more than a person without earbuds. Why are you taking in the sights and sounds? The sights: dirty. The sounds: loud. There, now you know. And I saved you 10 minutes shooing away hecklers asking you to go to a “free” comedy show.
  • Free stuff abounds. I know what you’re thinking, how can there be free stuff in the most expensive city in the USA? Well here’s how: you pay for it in time. Last week there was free ice cream at Ben & Jerrys… for anyone who was willing to wait on a line that was 2 avenues long. Free movies? That too. Free tickets to shows? That too. But be prepared to wait. If there’s one thing New Yorkers love to do, it’s queue. And get something for free.
  • Mystery-depth slush lagoons in the winter. There are many articles in the Gothamist about this particular near-death phenomenon. Invest in some rain boots, unless you love sitting at work for 10 hours in soaking wet, freezing, gray/black pants.
  • Garbage day in the summer. AVOID AVOID AVOID. You know those gas masks you see people wearing in China because of the smog? I’ve considered investing in one. Yes, it’s that bad.
  • City juice. You know when you’re walking down the street and something wet hits your shoulder. And you think, “Hm, I didn’t think it was supposed to rain today” and then you look up and there isn’t a cloud in the sky… and then you think “maybe it was from a window AC unit,” but there aren’t any of those either… My advice: pretend it didn’t happen. Then, when you get home, take a nice, long shower.
  • Shoes. Nothing makes you stand out more in NYC than shoes you can’t walk in. New York is one of the only places you will see people walk around in fashionable clothes and comfy kicks. You really can’t afford not to. How else will you wade through the slush lagoons and trash piles?

Feel free to leave any other advice in the comments. Like I said, I’m still learning so if you have any pro-tips (like how to avoid sweating through your clothes before you get to the office in August), let me know.

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Miscellaneous

Welcome!

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Welcome to LongLegsBigCity! This blog will be a combination of things I encounter living in New York City, as well as problems of the almost-30-year-old city dweller (more about me here). It’s a broad subject, so instead of telling you more about what it will be, I’ll tell you what it definitely is NOT:

  • A Health Blog. I have been a fitness instructor for almost 11 years, and I love to work out, but I enjoy Halal Guys and fro yo way too much to write about health. Everything in moderation, right? More on my love for all-things-Halal coming soon.
  • A Fashion Blog. In High school, I wore Soffe cheerleading shorts and XL t-shirts every day to school. I was not a cheerleader. My style has not evolved much since then. I’ve upgraded my athleisure to lululemon but I still #LiveInActivewear. (Watch that video, you won’t regret it.)
  • A Travel Blog. Sometimes I go places, but it’s usually for friends’ weddings. And I definitely do not have the funds to go places just so I can blog about them. But if anyone wants to sponsor me…
  • A Dating Blog: I will tell you about the trials and tribulations I had for 5 years dating in New York (TRUST ME, I have enough material for a lifetime), but I’m no longer dating. Read: I have a boyfriend but he won’t let me talk about him.
  • A Legal Advice Blog. The one piece of legal advice I have: DO NOT GO TO LAW SCHOOL. Unless of course, “drowning in debt” is something you have on your life checklist.

You now know 5 things this blog will not be. If you’re still intrigued, PLEASE SUBSCRIBE (box on the right-hand toolbar) and I hope to entertain you with my random ruminations.

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